conversations i'd rather not

i've noticed one weird thing about women close to me. they love to put me on phone calls with people they enjoy talking to. without warning. ignoring my protests. and strangely, it's always been their boyfriends, moms, brothers. never their hot friends.

(in a movie theater line, waiting to buy our tickets)

k = me
a = my friend
s = a's boyfriend

(a's phone rings)
a: (on the phone) hello, hold on a sec.
a: here, talk.
k: what?
a: talk to him!
k: talk to whom?
a: my boyfriend!!!
k: you want me to talk to your boyfriend?
a: ya!!!
k: i think he'd rather talk to you
a: no! i told him to call now because i want him to talk to you!
k: what?
a: cmon, he's waiting!!!
k: but i don't even know his name!!!
a: his name is s!!! cmon now!!!
k: uhhhh
a: now!!!
k: uhhhh okay
k: (on the phone) hello?
s: hi dude
k: hi...wassup
s: nothing much...how've you been?
k: pretty okay i guess
(making throat cutting gestures to a)
s: so how's things out there?
k: pretty busy. work's hectic, as always.
(making violent throat cutting gestures to a)
k: and how about you?
s: yeah, same here. you know how it is. so which movie?
k: errr...so-and-so
(trying to stick my tongue out and making a dead expression at a)
a: (loudly) show gimme the phone
s: okay man, i'll talk to you later. you take care!
k: yeah man, you too...bye.
a: (taking phone from me) okay bye, i'll call you later.
k: *PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN!!!*

i'm saying it out loud now. i don't mind making small talk when i'm introduced to someone, or say if we're sitting down and having a beer together (usually only happens with their boyfriends, i guess :P), but giving me your phone and saying: "here. talk." is about the only thing that can make me lose my (otherwise rock-steady) composure. please don't!!! really.

you don't read my blog?

it's weird, how some of my best offline friends don't know anything about a huge chunk of my life, despite being in touch and spending a lot of time together, just because they don't read my blog.

i found out last night, when i admitted for the first time, verbally, person-to-person, that i'm a very emotionally dependent person.

and my best friends were shocked to hear it.

the morning after...in tweets!!!

krist0ph3r: always wondered who's the better gentleman...the one who makes you breakfast in bed at 9am or the one who drinks your juices and FO's @6 :P
krist0ph3r: ...and i'm wondering this while raiding someone's fridge at 6, which means it definitely can't be the former :P
krist0ph3r: http://twitpic.com/682re - Definitely the stuff "morning afters" are made of!
krist0ph3r: about to take my chances with the traffic cops. any ideas (other than "don't get caught"???) :D
krist0ph3r: reached home without any mishaps...other than a few weird stares from the chaiwalla outside home...guess i still look drunk outta my senses!
krist0ph3r: plugged in my phone's charger and myPod, stripped down to my undies and crashed in my parents' bed before they could stop me. typical kris!!
krist0ph3r: chicane is ossim to listen to while riding, but not when trying to sleep. i need something that isn't mindblowing enough to keep me awake :D
krist0ph3r: a girl's long hair was wrapped around my wrist. i dropped it somewhere on mom's side of the bed. hope she doesn't find it! :D
krist0ph3r: enough of early-morning drunk tweets. i must sleep now. good morning!
krist0ph3r: oh fuck. looks like i recieved a call from home at 1:24am. no wonder parents are fuckin pissed. wonder what i said :D
Harishk: @krist0ph3r LOL!!! would be interesting to hear what they have to say now :)
krist0ph3r: @Harishk they were like "what were you doing last night? why were women screaming on your phone at 1:30 in the morning?" :P
NerdIndian: @krist0ph3r beware - they will find a sidhi sadi ladki and marryt you off now!
krist0ph3r: @NerdIndian no frikkin way man! they want me to be happily married and produce grandkids for them. there's too much at stake to fuck around!

my life or yours?

my parents never had to reprimand me when i've done something wrong. i realize it myself, and usually publicly accept it, apologize, and try to make amends.

the only thing that repeatedly causes problems is when i do something my parents don't want me to.

it's as if they're prefer that i should be like them, rather than live a life that was worth it.

the vacation that wasn't

i don't know why many people think my life is perfect. but it doesn't matter. i'm about to tell you a story that proves beyond doubt that it isn't.

i went to goa last week. left on tuesday night, with 3 days leave approved, and planning to get back home on monday morning, ready (hopefully) for work.

i went to goa to meet my best friend, who was flying down to india after almost a year, and accompany her on the sidelines as she accompanied her cousin down the aisle as a bridesmaid.

hmm. so story so far: 3 days leave, lovely goa, best friend, wedding. all the hints of perfection in the making.

or not.

i didn't know her parents were there.

her parents didn't know i was gonna be there.

her parents didn't know i was staying with them.

i didn't know her parents *kinda* hate me.

we found this out when i call them from the bus stand, my bags in hand, a 5 minute walk from her house, while she's unreachable and on a plane a few thousand kilometres away.

what followed were 2 days of high drama, interspersed with mindless hours (a day and a night, to be precise) of staring at repeats on the 3 english channels the tv in my hotel room dutifully supplied.

48 hours after i had hopped onto the bus and headed to goa, i got mindfucked to the point i could take it no more.

checked out of the hotel, took the last bus home, paid double of what i should have, anything just to get away from that fuckin hellhole. even went to work on friday morning straight after the 14 hour ride.

i met my friend for precisely 15 minutes in those two days.

baby, baby!!!

i found myself gazing fondly while the screen faded into brightness, and tinkled to remind me that i just got a new message.

i found myself thinking: what a beauty! how sweet she looks! i am so lucky! i wonder what awesome twist of fate brought her into my life!

and i then reminded myself: it's just a phone.

ps: it's true, this just happened. i had to post it somewhere because i'm so freaked out by the thought!

of prayers and attention deficit disorder

i've never been much of a prayer guy. i'd rather have a freewheeling conversation with god the way I would with any of my human friends. but still, today demanded a little extra effort for the sake of my dear uncle alphonse who's in hospital right now and will be operated first thing tomorrow morning. so I decided to say the rosary.

guess what.

i've forgotten all my prayers.

I couldn't believe it myself. these are prayers i've been saying almost ever since I learned to speak! and here I was, making up the words as I went along, sometimes even getting stuck repeating one line cos I couldn't remember the next.

so finally I was about one decade into the rosary. and then I completely forgot I was praying. for like 5 minutes. while my mind wandered to everything from tomorrow's lunch to the way my bike rode today to even ideas to use for my blog (and that's not this post).

two minutes after resuming my prayers I wandered off again.

I finally finished my rosary (gave up after two decades, btw) and decided to blog this right now, so that i'm free tomorrow to blog about the other ideas. started typing.

wandered off within 5 lines of typing.

realised what was happening and decided to force all distractions away.

an hour later, i'm still trying to finish the post.

I wonder if I need medical attention.