Friday, August 28, 2009

how to win (cute) friends and influence people

first, some background. i've been pestering a certain cute cute_divya on twitter for her phone number for a while (yeah, i know, it's something i love to do ;)). so after atleast 2 weeks of badgering, she finally DM'd me her number. sms conversation follows:

(if you don't know already, k = me, c = cute_divya)

k: So you finally have my number...or do you? Am I texting you from my friend's number? You shall find out shortly! :O

c: And how can u be sure this is my number? What if its a friend's phone that i've temporarily borrowed? :P

k: Hehe that's exactly why i'm using my friend's phone. Everyone else just gets my number don't, because u hesitated so much. Say hi to ur friend :D

c: Yeah he's really excited to talk to u. He's just waiting for ur call. He thinks ur hot. U can communicate with him now that u have his number. :P

k: Nice! Hope he doesn't sleep too late. I find late night conversations exciting! I'll have to call him from my own phone though ;)

c: His preferences are slightly 'different', u see. :P

k: Hehe different from me? I think not! We're both looking for the same thing, and I know it! Does he live with his parents or alone? I'm so excited already!

c: When r u calling?

k: You know what, you ask too many irrelevant questions. Give the phone back to your friend. I'll sms him, and I can dm you on twitter! What's his name btw?

c: Ummm.. :o i don't know.

k: don't know your friend's name? Wow, you amaze me! How did this happen?

c: Well i was making all that up, so couldn't think of an appropriate name for a gay guy. U got me there.

k: Oops. Well, say hi to my friend varun. This is his number. I'll text you from my phone when i'm done with work later today ;)

c: Ok

k: What ok? Say hi properly atleast! He's wondering why i've taken his phone away for so long! And i'm treating him to compensate for all the smses i've sent!

c: Ok hi varun how r u? Hope everythings ok with u.

k: hi divya i m gr8 .how r u ?

c: Hmmm i think u should stick to DMing me.

k: i dnt kno wht is tht .its ok i dnt wnt 2 trubl u .kris told me 2 trubl u .let it b .bye .

c: Ok :o

c: Hey i'm sorry didn't mean to be rude or anything with u. Just fooling around with Kris :)

k: ya its ok .he will treat me wthout readin these sms .so do u wnt 2 sms me ?

c: Yeah he better treat u for misusing ur phone like this :P and no ya i don't have much balance in my cell to keep smsing. But u can follow me on twitter.

k: thts nice ,bt i dnt kno wht is twitter .can u add on orkut ?v dnt hv orkut in office i use it at home .my name on orkut is varun j

c: Yes u can scrap me on orkut. Search for divya choco angel.

k: ok gr8 .i think ur balance mst b almost ovr .il scrap u 2nit .hw do u kno kris btw ?

k: ok kris told me to stop troubling u n delete ur num ,so il do tht .u cn add on facebook if u want .my name isnt varun ,its kristopher noronha .im nt on orkut .

c: Hmmm playing games :)

k: Hehe...yesh! And remember, I got your number first. So I won the bet! Woo hoo!!! What's my prize again? ;)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

how to embarrass yourself at work: part n

this one's been waiting for a while, so apologies if you've heard it from me in person:

rewind to a certain thursday in july.

we were going out for a team lunch. a teammate was gonna accompany me on my bike to the restaurant, while everyone else takes a rickshaw.

and i couldn't raise my leg enough to swing it over the bike seat. lost my balance and almost fell, to fits of laughter from the rest of my team.

that was the prelude. the best moment would happen a few hours later.

in the office restroom. me almost done with my post-hearty-lunch-crap.

stood up to pull my pants back on.

the door opens.

turns out i forgot to lock it.

thankfully, i was standing, so the door hit my elbow and couldn't open further. i heard a startled grunt from whoever was on the other side, and probably said "horh" myself.

i waited for the guy to enter another stall and hear the sound of him locking it before i dared step out.

Friday, August 21, 2009


It's strange, how I can't type anything anymore without it looking like an extended tweet, an email, or a page from my diary. I just deleted three half-typed diary pages that were about to find their way to the blog :)

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

the dream

i had an awesome dream two nights ago. awesome, mainly because i can still remember it in such detail. since such moments are to be chronicled, i shall do the honours now.

scene: we're in a truck (the sort that are covered with tarp on the top, open at the sides). it's a moonlit night. it's raining lightly outside, but everything's dripping wet. we were being driven through rough terrain, a mud track cutting through a dense, hilly jungle.

by we, i mean me and my dad.

we're at gunpoint, by half a dozen armed men. the truck feels like an army truck though, olive green with camouflage, huge tires and all. they're talking about crossing the border of an unnamed country, the one we were currently in.

the men knew it's pointless for us to try and escape, so they gave me a gun to play with. one bullet inside the gun.

i point it at our captors, cock and uncock it, point it at dad, just like that.

suddenly, a jeep pulls up behind us, from somewhere outside the path. again, looks like an army vehicle. two people in it, a driver and a commando with a machine gun.

the commando starts firing at the tires. hits one.

i take aim, fire at the driver's head through his windscreen.

the bullet bounces off the glass.

the commando hits another tire. the truck loses control, skids into a hillock, and tips over in slow motion.

dad and i jump off the back, straight into the line of the machine gun fire.

the firing had stopped.

dad and i scrambled off the path and uphill into the trees, tripping through the sludge. our captors were more concerned with their upturned truck than us.

we suddenly heard machine gun chatter again, and a huge boom and a bright flash of light. we couldn't see what just exploded, the jeep or the truck. or both.

i was glad i could open my eyes, get out of bed and go to work on that monday morning.

Monday, August 03, 2009

the post-midnight soup

today, for the first time in atleast 14 months, i came home from work at 3am. that was an hour and a half *after* dad called me at work to say good night, and to tell me that pork legs are waiting for me in the fridge.

so there i was, tired (exhausted, really!) and hungry. with no energy to make pork legs hot, much less eat it (picking out the marrow and the flesh from the bones takes more energy than i usually have on *any* weekday!).

so i decided to try something new:

1 maggi soup cube.
2/3rd mug water in a microwave-safe mug.
1 raw egg.
1 loaded pepper shaker.
1 teaspoon schezuan sauce/soya sauce/green chutney/anything you may fancy.

crumble the soup cube into the water, and microwave it till it's almost boiling hot (took a little over a minute for me). stir it to make sure the cube has dissolved. crack open the egg, and stir it into the mixture. sprinkle pepper to taste, while stirring. stir in a teaspoon of schezuan sauce (i'd have preferred soya sauce, but i grabbed the first bottle i could get my hands on, and there was no looking back)

microwave it again as it's probably cooled a bit with all the stirring (and you want the egg to be fully cooked too) - i stopped at 30 seconds when it was beginning to bubble.

there you go. it's about as substantial as a mug of soup could possibly get. and it took way less time to prepare and consume than it took to type this out.

awrighty then, it's time for sweet dreams. good night!!!

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