what are the odds that a really old blog post (14 years old, to be precise) poking fun of a spam message gets a comment 3 days ago... AND THAT COMMENT IS SPAM! like spamception!
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Thursday, July 17, 2025
[kris.blog();] New comment on Adriana Jenkins left a message on your guestbook.
Monday, May 05, 2025
RTFM
Last night, I tossed away the box a heated blanket came in, as the 3 year warranty (boldly marked on the box) had ended. Before I tossed the box away, I found a crumpled manual at the bottom. Turns out I've been using the blanket the wrong way up for all of 3 years, presumably heating the mattress instead of heating myself!
Friday, July 15, 2022
toilet humour
dad loved toilet humour. and some of it barely even qualifies as humour 😁
i remembered one of his favourite "jokes" today (you can imagine the situation that reminded me of it - I won't say more):
father, father, i confess
i went to the toilet and made a mess
the paper was thin and my finger went in
father, father, is it a sin?
i have no idea where he got that from. it seemed even more contrived because we don't use toilet paper in India! as a kid, i just assumed he made it up (although I'm now quite sure he didn't).
anyway, to make the rhyme loosely resemble a joke, he tacked on:
and the priest said "no problem, use thicker paper next time" (which I'm quite sure he came up with)
another of his favourite ones was (you might have to say this out loud and quicvkly, possibly more than once, to get it)
"hoof hearted, ice melted"
yeah, frequently I think of that one when i encounter melting ice... or when someone asks the question 😁
Saturday, February 09, 2019
terms of endearment
recently, when thinking about the factlet that eskimos have over 50 terms that describe snow, i realized that my wife and i have over 10 ten "secret" terms we use with each other... to call each other fat.
in fact, we have entire conversations that solely involve calling each other fat. there may be days when the only chats we've had involve calling each other fat (and that carries over to in-person conversations as well - though not as exclusively). we usually start and end conversations with calling each other fat. when we want to call each other, we frequently simply call each other fat.
we have never actually used the word fat though. it's always mild metaphors. in fact we use these terms so frequently that we now use acronyms. we have acronyms for combinations of these terms. we sometimes say those acronyms to each other on the phone and in person instead of expanding them. we have even created backronyms for fat.
we call each other fat so often that we have even forgotten that they mean "fat"
in hindsight, it's amazing how we have evolved our own language to communicate endearment while effectively calling each other fat.
ironically, we're not particularly fat (although opinions might differ), and there was a time when shruti was positively thin - i had to repeatedly tell her that she really doesn't need to lose any more weight, or she'd be unhealthily thin!
it's like how most people mostly use the f-word without associating it with sex.
like all languages, i'm sure this one will continue to evolve.
but we'll probably continue to call each other fat.
in fact, we have entire conversations that solely involve calling each other fat. there may be days when the only chats we've had involve calling each other fat (and that carries over to in-person conversations as well - though not as exclusively). we usually start and end conversations with calling each other fat. when we want to call each other, we frequently simply call each other fat.
we have never actually used the word fat though. it's always mild metaphors. in fact we use these terms so frequently that we now use acronyms. we have acronyms for combinations of these terms. we sometimes say those acronyms to each other on the phone and in person instead of expanding them. we have even created backronyms for fat.
we call each other fat so often that we have even forgotten that they mean "fat"
in hindsight, it's amazing how we have evolved our own language to communicate endearment while effectively calling each other fat.
ironically, we're not particularly fat (although opinions might differ), and there was a time when shruti was positively thin - i had to repeatedly tell her that she really doesn't need to lose any more weight, or she'd be unhealthily thin!
it's like how most people mostly use the f-word without associating it with sex.
like all languages, i'm sure this one will continue to evolve.
but we'll probably continue to call each other fat.
Sunday, November 18, 2018
funny
yesterday morning, my wife woke me up, thinking i was sobbing in my sleep.
i explained to her that this guy had just won the lottery, but he lived in such a remote place, that his only means of outward communication was a crow that he had trained to deliver messages. so he sent the crow with the message, but was worried that the shop he had purchased the lottery ticket from, would toss the message away as "some trash this crow dropped outside my shop".
and i found that so funny that i was actually laughing while asleep.
i explained to her that this guy had just won the lottery, but he lived in such a remote place, that his only means of outward communication was a crow that he had trained to deliver messages. so he sent the crow with the message, but was worried that the shop he had purchased the lottery ticket from, would toss the message away as "some trash this crow dropped outside my shop".
and i found that so funny that i was actually laughing while asleep.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
belfast to mumbai in summer
it was a summer weekend. i was walking around in belfast. it was pretty hot, so i had taken off my shirt and put it away in my bag. as i was walking around, i passed by a crowd of people standing around and watching something. a lady was sitting on someone's shoulders and recording a video on her phone. i looked at her phone screen (the phone had pretty good zoom!) and could see it was pointed at my friend rama sitting in the balcony of her apartment. rama was being interviewed by a tv reporter in her balcony. i didn't bother asking anyone what was happening, as it started drizzling at that very moment. i wanted to wear my shirt, and suddenly started feeling embarrassed, but there were other shirtless guys around as well. i didn't want to get the insides of my bag wet, so instead of taking out the shirt, i covered my head with the bag and walked towards a more sheltered place.
the rain subsided a couple of minutes later, and i wore my shirt while i kept walking. i met vane and we made small talk while walking together. we were stopped by a couple of random indian guys who said hi and asked if i remember them. they claimed that they bumped into me a few weeks ago in belfast as well, and i didn't remember them back then either. i told them i unfortunately still couldn't remember them, but i might if they told me how we met. they said they knew me from mumbai meat marathon, but i was still blank. as we walked on, and vane asked me how come i never introduced him to the mumbai meat marathon guys. i told him it's because the mumbai meat marathon guys aren't particularly big fans of chicken biryani :D
we walked along tree lined (but unfamiliar-looking) streets until we came to a corner where nickolai and shruti were waiting for us. i was glad to see nickolai as it had been over a year since we had last met. i told her about a recent conversation i had with shruti about how i had found her "hand twin" many years ago in mumbai, and i told her that shruti's hand looks quite similar to hers. they both held out their hands and refused to agree, and it was pretty obvious that their hands looked quite different, but i refused to change my mind. finally they agreed that their hands look similar "from some angles", and changed the subject.
i told them we were walking on sydenham road, and nickolai pointed out sydenham college.
and that's when i realized we were not in belfast, but in mumbai. somewhere in khar west. and we were walking north along SV road, parallel to the railway tracks. at times, we randomly decided to climb up the stairs of buildings and walk through them instead of on the road. somewhere in between, we got separated. and then i noticed kevin following me. i stopped and called out to him, and he pretended not to see me, but then realized i was sure i had seen him and walked up to me. he told me he had been following me for a while, and was playing a game of avoiding me for as long as possible. we discussed shortcuts to home from khar while we walked, and he told me about the secret routes he'd take while walking home.
we had walked a good way, when we realized nickolai and shruti had reached the road below the building we were walking through, and we got back down on it. they had met dannika, and were about to cross a busy street, which looked like a highway.
nickolai ran across, dodging cars and other vehicles, but we didn't follow, as we were too scared. nickolai called us from across the road and told us it's safe to cross - it was actually a red light and the vehicles were moving illegally and had to stop for us. we ran, one behind the other, kevin, followed by dannika, myself, and finally shruti.
across the road, there were a line of stalls, selling tea and fruit juices. beyond the stalls, there was a high railing, and on the other side of the railing were the railway tracks. we were somewhere near kandivali. nickolai told us she had planned a surprise, but first, she had something to give us. she opened a bag of sugar coated chocolate "gems", all red in colour, and told us we could have as many as we like. we took about a fistful each. there were still some left over though, and nickolai encouraged us to have more, as they would get spoiled if not eaten soon enough. i told her i can take some home for my parents, but she said i couldn't - these were "special" gems, and were strictly to be given by her, and not to be passed on to others :P
that done, it was time for the surprise: nickolai pointed to 4 glasses on the roof of the shed on my left. they had straws in them, and had a pale amber liquid.
i told her it's impossible to get up there, and maybe there's been some sort of mistake? but nickolai persisted, and kevin looked around and pointed out that the roof was actually a sloping wooden sheet with planks nailed to it, like a rough ladder. he climbed up, and had a sip from his glass. he said it tasted like fruit beer, and the view was amazing - he was lying flat on his stomach on the sloping roof while sipping on his fruit beer. the rest of us were trying to figure how to get there ourselves.
and that's when i woke up.
the rain subsided a couple of minutes later, and i wore my shirt while i kept walking. i met vane and we made small talk while walking together. we were stopped by a couple of random indian guys who said hi and asked if i remember them. they claimed that they bumped into me a few weeks ago in belfast as well, and i didn't remember them back then either. i told them i unfortunately still couldn't remember them, but i might if they told me how we met. they said they knew me from mumbai meat marathon, but i was still blank. as we walked on, and vane asked me how come i never introduced him to the mumbai meat marathon guys. i told him it's because the mumbai meat marathon guys aren't particularly big fans of chicken biryani :D
we walked along tree lined (but unfamiliar-looking) streets until we came to a corner where nickolai and shruti were waiting for us. i was glad to see nickolai as it had been over a year since we had last met. i told her about a recent conversation i had with shruti about how i had found her "hand twin" many years ago in mumbai, and i told her that shruti's hand looks quite similar to hers. they both held out their hands and refused to agree, and it was pretty obvious that their hands looked quite different, but i refused to change my mind. finally they agreed that their hands look similar "from some angles", and changed the subject.
i told them we were walking on sydenham road, and nickolai pointed out sydenham college.
and that's when i realized we were not in belfast, but in mumbai. somewhere in khar west. and we were walking north along SV road, parallel to the railway tracks. at times, we randomly decided to climb up the stairs of buildings and walk through them instead of on the road. somewhere in between, we got separated. and then i noticed kevin following me. i stopped and called out to him, and he pretended not to see me, but then realized i was sure i had seen him and walked up to me. he told me he had been following me for a while, and was playing a game of avoiding me for as long as possible. we discussed shortcuts to home from khar while we walked, and he told me about the secret routes he'd take while walking home.
we had walked a good way, when we realized nickolai and shruti had reached the road below the building we were walking through, and we got back down on it. they had met dannika, and were about to cross a busy street, which looked like a highway.
nickolai ran across, dodging cars and other vehicles, but we didn't follow, as we were too scared. nickolai called us from across the road and told us it's safe to cross - it was actually a red light and the vehicles were moving illegally and had to stop for us. we ran, one behind the other, kevin, followed by dannika, myself, and finally shruti.
across the road, there were a line of stalls, selling tea and fruit juices. beyond the stalls, there was a high railing, and on the other side of the railing were the railway tracks. we were somewhere near kandivali. nickolai told us she had planned a surprise, but first, she had something to give us. she opened a bag of sugar coated chocolate "gems", all red in colour, and told us we could have as many as we like. we took about a fistful each. there were still some left over though, and nickolai encouraged us to have more, as they would get spoiled if not eaten soon enough. i told her i can take some home for my parents, but she said i couldn't - these were "special" gems, and were strictly to be given by her, and not to be passed on to others :P
that done, it was time for the surprise: nickolai pointed to 4 glasses on the roof of the shed on my left. they had straws in them, and had a pale amber liquid.
i told her it's impossible to get up there, and maybe there's been some sort of mistake? but nickolai persisted, and kevin looked around and pointed out that the roof was actually a sloping wooden sheet with planks nailed to it, like a rough ladder. he climbed up, and had a sip from his glass. he said it tasted like fruit beer, and the view was amazing - he was lying flat on his stomach on the sloping roof while sipping on his fruit beer. the rest of us were trying to figure how to get there ourselves.
and that's when i woke up.
Friday, May 04, 2018
the messy dream
chilling at a friends' place, it got pretty late one night. the sofa was nice and comfy, and the music and the spot i was in made me feel a little zoned out.
and so, the inevitable happened.
i don't even remember what the dream was, but it was pretty much me in the same spot, talking to the friends in the room. except that there seemed to be some sort of glitch in the dream, and then i thought i woke up with a start. and so, i asked my friends, "was i speaking to you guys about ****?"
they unanimously answered "no!", but they were laughing about it.
i assumed it was a dream, and attempted to restart the conversation. but again, i woke up with a start with my friends laughing. and again, i asked them if i was speaking to them about the same topic. they again said "no", and i found the conversation strangely repetitive.
and then, the whole thing repeated at least a couple of times. each time, my friends found it funnier and funnier, and i was so sleepy i couldn't even think of a way to break out of the loop!
finally i decided it was pointless trying to stay awake, and literally slept off until an hour later.
i still have no idea how much of the stuff that happened that night was actual dreams and how much was my friends simply messing with me ;)
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
phone-y dreams
I had some strange phone dreams last night.
in my dream, my oneplus one (which has stopped working in real life) started working by accident. it started working when I disassembled and reassembled it, and accidentally used the battery and SIM tray of a oneplus two of my friend (who was also disassembling and reassembling his phone). his phone stopped working, and he assumed it was because he reassembled it wrong... and i realized what had happened only after he left, because my sim was loose in the tray. he left his phone behind as well, so I couldn't return the parts. I assumed he didn't care and continued to use it.
I also had another phone, one which defies explanation: it was called an elephant phone, and it was shaped like a miniaturized elephant. it stood on its 4 legs, and was about half a foot in length and height. i liked the phone because it supported dual sim + a memory card. these were under a hinged panel in its back. I was expecting superlative battery life due to its size, but apparently the battery life was on par with other normal phones. strangely though, the elephant phone had no visible earpiece or speaker... or screen! it was a toy elephant with two sim cards and a memory card slot. I didn't know the manufacturer's name, and someone told me it's a Nokia. I remember being confused in the dream about Nokia creating Android phones (but nowhere did the phone give any clue to suggest that it runs Android)
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
love in an elevator?
evening "office bus" rush hour.
packed elevator. door opens. I take a couple of steps, making eye contact with the cute girl facing me from inside the elevator.
she gives me a look that says "are you really gonna squeeze in here?"
I stop, inches from the closing doorway.
as it closes, the last thing I see is her smile, and she, my smirk.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
how to embarrass yourself at work: part 6
okay, there are actually way more than 6 ways to embarrass yourself at work, but this is one i particularly remember:
i was walking from my desk to the restroom. and i felt a bit of flatulence on the way. now i usually am quite the expert at letting 'em loose discreetly (read: silently), so i decided to take my chances. and let out a clearly audible toot, right behind a colleague's (from another team) desk.
i'm not sure if he turned to see who did it, because i walked as briskly as i could to the restroom.
the hilarity of what had just happened was too much to stifle, and so i burst out laughing while i peed. luckily for me, the restroom was empty, and i had an incredibly satisfying fart while peeing.
until, seconds later, the same guy entered the restroom.
and witnessed me laughing, peeing, and farting. simultaneously, and with gusto.
i did my best to stifle my laughter, while staring at the ceiling to avoid eye contact. i'm sure that made me look even funnier, but there was no way i could anyhow acknowledge his presence in that situation.
i'm sure he still thinks i'm some sort of freak. but that moment was priceless... and totally worth it!
i was walking from my desk to the restroom. and i felt a bit of flatulence on the way. now i usually am quite the expert at letting 'em loose discreetly (read: silently), so i decided to take my chances. and let out a clearly audible toot, right behind a colleague's (from another team) desk.
i'm not sure if he turned to see who did it, because i walked as briskly as i could to the restroom.
the hilarity of what had just happened was too much to stifle, and so i burst out laughing while i peed. luckily for me, the restroom was empty, and i had an incredibly satisfying fart while peeing.
until, seconds later, the same guy entered the restroom.
and witnessed me laughing, peeing, and farting. simultaneously, and with gusto.
i did my best to stifle my laughter, while staring at the ceiling to avoid eye contact. i'm sure that made me look even funnier, but there was no way i could anyhow acknowledge his presence in that situation.
i'm sure he still thinks i'm some sort of freak. but that moment was priceless... and totally worth it!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
that's what she said
before we begin, the first sentence of my twitter bio says "#TWSS bot."
i never bothered finding out how this genre of jokes came about, but i love innuendo and wordplay enough to (some may say, excessively :D) indulge in it anyway.
"that's what she said" jokes are simple enough: reply to any innocent-sounding statement, which, taken out of context, could be interpreted as innuendo (wordplay, slang and all other such things are allowed while reinterpreting), with "that's what she said" or "that's what he said". or, if you're on twitter, #TWSS or #TWHS for brevity.
so far, so good.
the confusion arises when you need to decide between "he" and "she". and that's where i need to make a point.
the gender of the person who made the original (innocent) statement doesn't matter at all. nor does the gender of the joker. the gender *has* to be picked so that the hypothetical innuendo is as funny as possible, taking into account pop culture, slang, gender biases, and whatever else may work to make one side funnier than the other.
eg:
simple. ever heard a girl telling a guy (assuming both people involved are straight, to avoid confusion) that "they look so awesome!" (they, referring to *ahem* body parts here)?
me neither.
guys say that to girls all the time though.
and so, it's a *he*.
on the other hand:
okay, enough lecturing for today.
TL;DR: picture a guy saying x in a sexual situation. picture a girl saying x in a sexual situation. which one is funnier? bingo!
i never bothered finding out how this genre of jokes came about, but i love innuendo and wordplay enough to (some may say, excessively :D) indulge in it anyway.
"that's what she said" jokes are simple enough: reply to any innocent-sounding statement, which, taken out of context, could be interpreted as innuendo (wordplay, slang and all other such things are allowed while reinterpreting), with "that's what she said" or "that's what he said". or, if you're on twitter, #TWSS or #TWHS for brevity.
so far, so good.
the confusion arises when you need to decide between "he" and "she". and that's where i need to make a point.
the gender of the person who made the original (innocent) statement doesn't matter at all. nor does the gender of the joker. the gender *has* to be picked so that the hypothetical innuendo is as funny as possible, taking into account pop culture, slang, gender biases, and whatever else may work to make one side funnier than the other.
eg:
@TheSoothsayer_ said to @hinnaz: "they look so awesome!" (both people involved are women)yes, that's a he. why?
me: that's what he said.
simple. ever heard a girl telling a guy (assuming both people involved are straight, to avoid confusion) that "they look so awesome!" (they, referring to *ahem* body parts here)?
me neither.
guys say that to girls all the time though.
and so, it's a *he*.
on the other hand:
@Sakshikumar: "Phew. All good now. Couldn't breathe there for a moment."no points for guessing why that's a she. (fine, sakshi is a she too, but that's irrelevant)
me: that's what she said.
okay, enough lecturing for today.
TL;DR: picture a guy saying x in a sexual situation. picture a girl saying x in a sexual situation. which one is funnier? bingo!
Friday, March 08, 2013
office shenanigans
it's been 9 months since i joined the new office. my first few months were kinda lonely there, and the few attempts I tried at making "frandsheep" failed quite tragically.
still, my nervous attempts at being sociable and the general niceness of my office-folk ensured it wasn't a permanent situation, and i'm now quite well-settled. not like the previous place, where well over a 100 people knew me personally (yeah, 5 years is a *long* time!), but it feels like i have some real friends here, and that's what matters.
anyway, what's friends like without a few shenanigans? since we mostly hang out over (and after) lunch, the stories are mostly food related.
like this one day, when i refused to share my gulab jamun dessert. and coincidentally the veggie was something with baby potatoes.
after one slightly sweet spoonful of veggies, i realized what my friends had done: swapped the gulab jamun with a baby potato. lucky for me, i swapped them back... no damage done.
But then, the day came for revenge.
The friend who did the swap was poised with his dessert in his hand. don't remember what it was, but it was something dry and sweet.
and he was engaged in conversation, looking at whoever was sitting to one side... while i, from the other side, liberally sprinkled it with salt from the shaker.
The expression on his face after that first bite was priceless.
ps: typed in a bandra-fast from borivli, while sipping on my party pack of monk and coke. funfun!
pps: title dedicated to nickolai, who is the only person i know who uses the word "shenanigans" :)
Sunday, March 03, 2013
work offer)
From: "Andrew Smith" <andrew_smith009smith@aol.com>
Date: Mar 4, 2013 2:10 AM
Subject: work offer)
To: <kris...@gmail.com>
Date: Mar 4, 2013 2:10 AM
Subject: work offer)
To: <kris...@gmail.com>
Hello,
I'm Dr Andrew Smith, 53yrs of age, I'm a Dentist, I have been pretty successful in a handful of ventures which have involved. I'm presently working with UNICEF and other private organizations, also various welfare and community service programs.
As my assistant, your activities will be:
* Running errands and supervision
* Taking care of my Financial activities
* Appointment schedule
* Memo
Wages is $ 500 per week.
We will start with things as soon as possible. I do have a pile up of work and a number of unattended chores which you can immediately assist me with and i hope we can meet up with the workload eventually. Permit me to use the coming week to test your efficiency and diligence towards all this, also to work out your time schedule and fit it to mine.I really need to find the perfect person for this job, I have confident in you that you can take-up the challenge and on the long run we should have a relatively sound working relationship between each other.
This is only an introductory e-mail, as time goes on we should be able to arrange a proper meeting to get things started officially when i get back from my trip because am currently in Belgium for health Summit.
So i will be here for couples of weeks, till i get back this position will be a part-time and home-based job because my new office in your local area will not be set up till i get back to the state.
I have been checking my files and I would want you to do for me is to help my clients get their monthly medication from the Pharmaceutical Company.
The funds will be in form of certified Cashier's Check, it will be sent over to you from one of my clients and I will e-mail the guidelines to you once you receive it.
FILL YOUR DETAILS BELOW FOR APPLICATION:
First Name:
Last Name:
Full Street Address (not PO BOX):
Cityy:
State:
Zip-Code:
Cel Numbr:
Home Numbr:
E--mail Address:
Ag:
Sunday, January 27, 2013
my favourite stories
there are some (true) stories that i love to tell everyone i know. some people are (un)lucky enough to even hear them multiple times :D
like once when we were kids. We were playing cricket in the building compound, and our aging neighbour walked by, forcing us to temporarily halt our game.
my friend said to him: "uncle you must die!"
after a long enough pause for everyone to be suitably shocked, he made an action of brushing his hair and continued: "your hair, your hair! you must dye your hair!"
luckily for us, he took it sportingly, smiled and walked on :)
like once when we were kids. We were playing cricket in the building compound, and our aging neighbour walked by, forcing us to temporarily halt our game.
my friend said to him: "uncle you must die!"
after a long enough pause for everyone to be suitably shocked, he made an action of brushing his hair and continued: "your hair, your hair! you must dye your hair!"
luckily for us, he took it sportingly, smiled and walked on :)
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
how to embarass yourself at work: part 5
yeah, the number is probably more than 5, but i'm not gonna check now.
first, some background. i got a new job recently (yeah, i don't like talking about what i do for a living... let's just say it pays me enough to bring home the bacon :) without being particularly glorious in any other aspect).
on the first day of work, we were shown through the building, so that we knew where the important facilities and whatnot are located. since we were a largish group (too large to fit in an elevator), the guy showing us around told us that he'll take us through the stairs instead.
i don't know why offices insist on calling the stairs the fire escape. i like taking the stairs. they provide a bit of much-needed exercise, some private space when you expect to be on a personal phone call that takes more than 2 minutes, and more.
anyway, the first day of work was spent in all sorts of orientations and talks by people from various functions, so my second day was the first time i was actually free to move around the office. to start off, i had to meet someone two floors below. perfect.
so i exited the elevator lobby and swiped my access card at the staircase.
somehow, it didn't strike me that the staircase was protected by access but the elevators weren't.
anyway, the door opened, and i found myself in the huge stairway. walked down the two floors, and then realized the door was locked from inside. interesting. walked down another floor, and the door was locked from outside. but my access card refused to work on it. i walked down 5 floors in all, and each of them couldn't be got out of.
finally i figured i better go back to my floor and use the elevator. so i walked back up five floors.
the door opened.
but that's when i realized i had to swipe my way through two doors to get to the stairs, and i was back through only one. the second set of doors were glass, and they refused to open from inside.
so i stood at the glass doors, knocking on them and waving out at everyone who passed by, hoping someone would notice. a few did, but they walked on anyway.
worse still, this being my first day, i had exactly one colleague's number on my phone. she didn't work on this floor though. and she wasn't even answering her phone anyway.
as minutes passed, my gestures got more frantic, and finally i managed to grab the attention of two middle-aged looking women who were walking by.
since it looked like nobody could hear my knocks on the door, i had to communicate via sign language. i told them with signs that i was locked outside and my access card didn't work, and theirs probably would.
that's when one of them said "one minute", and i heard her loud and clear through the door.
*facepalm*
she tried her access card. it didn't work.
at this point, i was more freaked out than embarrassed.
it looked like i was locked in the fire escape, and there was only one glass door through which i could communicate.
anyway, while these desperate thoughts were going through my head, the two women were having some sort of discussion among themselves on the other side of the door.
the finally came to the conclusion that the only way out of the fire escape was to walk all the way down 12 floors (my office was only in the upper half of the building), and get out through the lobby.
thankfully, on my way down, i found the door of the 2nd floor held open by a plank of wood. used that door to enter some other company's office. luckily, i got to the elevator without further event, and got out into the lobby (and then took another elevator back to my office - the two sets of elevators are separate and don't go to each others' floors!)
and that, ladies and gentlemen, was how i spent the first 20 minutes of the first day i was allowed to roam freely in my new office.
first, some background. i got a new job recently (yeah, i don't like talking about what i do for a living... let's just say it pays me enough to bring home the bacon :) without being particularly glorious in any other aspect).
on the first day of work, we were shown through the building, so that we knew where the important facilities and whatnot are located. since we were a largish group (too large to fit in an elevator), the guy showing us around told us that he'll take us through the stairs instead.
i don't know why offices insist on calling the stairs the fire escape. i like taking the stairs. they provide a bit of much-needed exercise, some private space when you expect to be on a personal phone call that takes more than 2 minutes, and more.
anyway, the first day of work was spent in all sorts of orientations and talks by people from various functions, so my second day was the first time i was actually free to move around the office. to start off, i had to meet someone two floors below. perfect.
so i exited the elevator lobby and swiped my access card at the staircase.
somehow, it didn't strike me that the staircase was protected by access but the elevators weren't.
anyway, the door opened, and i found myself in the huge stairway. walked down the two floors, and then realized the door was locked from inside. interesting. walked down another floor, and the door was locked from outside. but my access card refused to work on it. i walked down 5 floors in all, and each of them couldn't be got out of.
finally i figured i better go back to my floor and use the elevator. so i walked back up five floors.
the door opened.
but that's when i realized i had to swipe my way through two doors to get to the stairs, and i was back through only one. the second set of doors were glass, and they refused to open from inside.
so i stood at the glass doors, knocking on them and waving out at everyone who passed by, hoping someone would notice. a few did, but they walked on anyway.
worse still, this being my first day, i had exactly one colleague's number on my phone. she didn't work on this floor though. and she wasn't even answering her phone anyway.
as minutes passed, my gestures got more frantic, and finally i managed to grab the attention of two middle-aged looking women who were walking by.
since it looked like nobody could hear my knocks on the door, i had to communicate via sign language. i told them with signs that i was locked outside and my access card didn't work, and theirs probably would.
that's when one of them said "one minute", and i heard her loud and clear through the door.
*facepalm*
she tried her access card. it didn't work.
at this point, i was more freaked out than embarrassed.
it looked like i was locked in the fire escape, and there was only one glass door through which i could communicate.
anyway, while these desperate thoughts were going through my head, the two women were having some sort of discussion among themselves on the other side of the door.
the finally came to the conclusion that the only way out of the fire escape was to walk all the way down 12 floors (my office was only in the upper half of the building), and get out through the lobby.
thankfully, on my way down, i found the door of the 2nd floor held open by a plank of wood. used that door to enter some other company's office. luckily, i got to the elevator without further event, and got out into the lobby (and then took another elevator back to my office - the two sets of elevators are separate and don't go to each others' floors!)
and that, ladies and gentlemen, was how i spent the first 20 minutes of the first day i was allowed to roam freely in my new office.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
hagru
i was in goa last week for my friends' wedding. as usual, i tagged along with a goan friend (this time, with his mom and 4-year-old daughter too), and stayed wherever they were staying. one of the places being, his aunt's home.
his aunt has some 8 dogs and as many cats.
so anyway, the cats somehow weren't very cosy with me. i'd have to sneak up to them and pet them when they weren't looking, and they'd suddenly jump and run off a few seconds later. except for this one cat, that snuggled in between me and my friend's lil daughter on the sofa.
i tried to make small talk with the girl, and the conversation went something like this: (k is me, e is the kid)
k: so you like this cat?
e: yeah, but i don't want to play with him.
k: why?
e: he is hagru.
k: hagru? is that his name?
e: no, he doesn't have a name. he is hagru.
k: but his name is not hagru?
e: no, he doesn't have a name! he is hagru.
k: so if i call him hagru, will he play with me?
e: don't play with him, he is hagru!
k: meh.
anyway, i finally found the same cat sleeping in my bed a couple of hours later.
turned on the light in the room, and it jumped out and ran for the door.
i found it had pooped in my bed.
apparently "hagru" is what they call cats with bowel problems :S
k: so you like this cat?
e: yeah, but i don't want to play with him.
k: why?
e: he is hagru.
k: hagru? is that his name?
e: no, he doesn't have a name. he is hagru.
k: but his name is not hagru?
e: no, he doesn't have a name! he is hagru.
k: so if i call him hagru, will he play with me?
e: don't play with him, he is hagru!
k: meh.
anyway, i finally found the same cat sleeping in my bed a couple of hours later.
turned on the light in the room, and it jumped out and ran for the door.
i found it had pooped in my bed.
apparently "hagru" is what they call cats with bowel problems :S
Sunday, January 29, 2012
hello
found this in my inbox, today morning. looks almost legit. this is getting freakier and freakier!
From: "Alicia Mabou" <*************@yahoo.in>
Date: 28 Jan 2012 17:30
Subject: hello
To:
Hello dear,My name is Alicia,I know that you may be surprise how i get your email, i got your email today when i was browsing on Internet looking for honest partner,then i feel to drop this few lines to you. I will be expecting for your response so that i can send you my pictures and also tell you more about myself,my dear,age or color even distance cant deny any relationship. Please lets give our self a trial,Thanks,Awaiting for your mail above Miss Alicia.
From: "Alicia Mabou" <*************@yahoo.in>
Date: 28 Jan 2012 17:30
Subject: hello
To:
Hello dear,My name is Alicia,I know that you may be surprise how i get your email, i got your email today when i was browsing on Internet looking for honest partner,then i feel to drop this few lines to you. I will be expecting for your response so that i can send you my pictures and also tell you more about myself,my dear,age or color even distance cant deny any relationship. Please lets give our self a trial,Thanks,Awaiting for your mail above Miss Alicia.
Friday, December 02, 2011
Adriana Jenkins left a message on your guestbook
BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? In case u dont know who this is its ME ADRIANA.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there.. do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol.. ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room... if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move.. also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo ADRIANA FREE VIP BYPASS LINK ------>> [LINK DELETED :P]
ps: this was a message sent to me on bebo.com: turns out i created an account there even before i joined orkut... and never ever used it!
ps: this was a message sent to me on bebo.com: turns out i created an account there even before i joined orkut... and never ever used it!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Sunday, July 03, 2011
insivible
my gtalk status has been the same for the last year and a half. it says "insivible"
why this status?
it's a double joke. first of all, people have actually ping'd me saying that there's probably something wrong with gtalk, and that i'm actually visible.
and then i point out to them that my status doesn't say "invisible", but "insivible" :D
why this status?
it's a double joke. first of all, people have actually ping'd me saying that there's probably something wrong with gtalk, and that i'm actually visible.
and then i point out to them that my status doesn't say "invisible", but "insivible" :D
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