Sunday, May 27, 2007

something's always wrong

kevi will be surprised to see toad the wet sprocket on my blog...but i guess he was too obsessed with them to notice me listening to their songs too :)

just love this song...it's a real gem. if you haven't listened to toad yet, you're missing something awesome.

Something's Always Wrong
by Toad The Wet Sprocket


Another day I call and never speak
And you would say nothing's changed at all
And I can't feel much hope for anything
If I won't be there to catch you if you fall

Again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won't be long
But something's always wrong

Another game of putting things aside
As if we'll come back to them sometime
A brace of hope
A pride of innocence
And you would say something has gone wrong

Again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won't be long
But something's always wrong

And again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won't be long
But something's always wrong
Something's always wrong
Something's always wrong

an empty home

there was a time, not very long ago (5 months ago to be precise), when an empty home was such a fun thing...it meant i could blast any music i wanted, at any volume i felt like (which usually means floor vibrating/chairs moving around volume), raid the fridge without having to explain why i'm hungry and why something more wholesome wouldn't do, etc (i'm not gonna elaborate ;) )

these days it's the exact other way round. nowadays, i find an empty home depressing...i'd rather have my parents around. of course, since i'm only home on weekends, they don't protest the volume as much as they used to, and they stockpile goodies for me too :)

ditto for my place in pune...i'd rather work late and come home after atleast one of my roomies, instead of coming home and sitting around all alone. i guess that's what living away from home does to you. and i guess that's why it's gonna be a long time (if ever) before i decide to let work take me far from home.

wonder if it has to be that way though? many of my friends do live alone or away from home. i'd love to hear your thoughts, and especially how you manage :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

random depression

i usually know or manage to figure out why i'm feeling down-in-the-dumps. not today though.

my day started well enough - i had a good night's sleep (yeah, the first in weeks), overslept, had a very leisurely shower, reached late (but not too late) for work, received a lot of mail from friends, found a couple of interesting blogs (actually more than a couple...but these days, i've stopped counting). lunch was bad, but i wasn't hungry anyway, so it didn't matter. my parents are in pune for the next few days, so i have something to look forward to after work.

so ***why*** am i depressed???!!!

maybe i should go get some work done. that's one thing i haven't tried yet.

Monday, May 21, 2007

hot summer nights

listened to the words of this song from the top gun soundtrack for the first time...was surprised that it was a lot more than just a dance number (and a catchy one at that)


hot summer nights
by gloria estefan with the miami sound machine


In the time before the twilight
Settles on the world
Woah, you can feel the magic
Dreamin' of someone to hold tight
One more lonely girl
Woah, dances in her attic

Everywhere across the land
In front of their mirrors with combs in their hands
They prepare to make a stand
Lover to lover, woman to man

Livin' for the
Small town hot summer nights
Radio 'bout to blow
Top down under the lights
Feel the heat, wild and sweet
Hot summer nights

Riding solo in his front seat
Bursting at the seams
Woah, drivin' by desire
Home town hero haunts the main street
Dreaming desperate dreams
Woah, where there's smoke there's fire

And some believe that love is won
And some of them go like they're under the gun
In between what's already done
And the promise they feel in the evening to come

Out for the
Small town hot summer nights
Radio 'bout to blow
Top down under the lights
Feel the heat, wild and sweet
Hot summer nights

In the end two hearts will meet
And maybe they'll find whatever they seek
If they can, they'll learn how to keep
The faith that they found in the sound of the beat

Out for those
Small town hot summer nights
Radio 'bout to blow
Top down under the lights
Feel the heat, wild and sweet
Hot summer nights

Friday, May 18, 2007

twisted communication (a.k.a. comunication underload part 2)

last night, over dinner, a friend of mine expressed his disappointment that i've gone back to replying to mails on my mca class' yahoo community (yeah, i know, i know, old habits die hard ;) )

anyway, he made this statement that if he was a moderator of the community, he'd have banned me from it by now. now i know that my replies can get irritating, but it's a fact that i do post useful information on the community - more information than some of my other classmates, who are usually engrossed in mindlessly forwarding their entire inboxes to the group.

to prove my point, i mentioned a mail that he had sent out yesterday. it was some link to a wikpedia article, that he claimed was interesting. i replied with a few more links that i felt were more interesting. it sparked off a debate, a few people read all the posted links, etc. so that does mean i'm doing something good on the community, right?

according to my friend, wrong.

his reply left me speechless: "replies do not contain information. if a message is a reply, it is useless, no matter what the content"

so here's my net learning from that conversation:

"anything said by bhargav does not contain information. if bhargav says something, it is useless, no matter what it is that he's said"

programmers don't like programming

today morning, i was watching this video of an interesting presentation by gregg pollack on "why ruby on rails?". his presentation was good, and ruby on rails does look like a very appealing platform for developing webApps. still, the one thing that caught my eye (and mind) during the presentation was the part on why ruby on rails results in happy programmers.

he made his statement with an analogy:

meet tim the artist.

“What makes you enjoy being a painter Tim?”
  • “I enjoy being creative, and finding new things to paint”
  • “I enjoy creating beautiful pieces of art”
  • “I get satisfaction when people purchase my Art”

i.e. happiness comes from:
  • the inspiration
  • the challenge
  • the reward of success

meet bob the programmer.

“What makes you enjoy being a programmer Bob?”
  • “I enjoy thinking of creative ways to solve problems”
  • “I enjoy creating something with my own two hands, and watching it succeed”
  • “I enjoy getting positive feedback from my clients”

i.e. happiness comes from:
  • the inspiration
  • the challenge
  • the reward of completion

not surprisingly, he was bang on. programming is nowhere in the list of things that programmers enjoy.

now for ruby on rails :)

Saturday, May 12, 2007

working for the weekend

today is officially the first time i've worked during a weekend during my 6 month internship. woke up at 10:30am, reached work at around 12:30pm (just so that it doesn't really feel like work), and will complete around an hour of useful work at 5:30pm ;)

song that's currently playing in my head: "working for the weekend" by loverboy (an 80s rock group for the uninformed) - you can watch the video too - it's definitely vintage 80s stuff :)

song that was playing in my head till i stepped into office today: armin van buuren's "deepsky" remix of the song "you won't see me cry" by markus schulz. armin van buuren sure knows how to breathe life into what started off as a pretty mediocre dance number...worth a listen :)

back to work now.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

rantings of an insomniac

tyler durden said in fight club:
When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

i've not been sleeping these days. it started 2 weeks ago, when i spent only one night in pune (took 2 days off, plus 1 holiday). in fact there was a stretch of 10 days where i spent only one night in pune. and i didn't really sleep.

it's become a clockwork-like routine:

  • go to bed at around 1am.

  • toss and turn in bed till around 3am.

  • spend an hour and a half somewhere between asleep and fully awake.

  • get out of bed at 4:30 am, drink water, go to the loo.

  • toss and turn in bed till around 5:30am.

  • finally sleep till 7:30am.

  • wake up, lie in bed till 8am.

  • sleep till 8:30am.

  • wake up with alarm at 8:30am.

  • spend an hour in bed waking up and sleeping every 5 minutes.

  • finally wake up at 9:30am, get ready and leave for work.

it's happened for 4 nights in a row now. the timings are accurate, +/- 10 minutes.

i must figure a way to get myself to sleep at night. fast.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

just be

Just Be
by DJ Tiƫsto (featuring Kirsty Hawkshaw on vocals)


I was lost, and I'm still lost,
But I feel so much better

You can travel the world but you can't run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be make us believe in
You keep all your light in the dark
If you're searching for truth you must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be, just be

They say learning to love yourself is the first step
That you take when you want to be real
Flying on planes, to exotic locations won't teach you
How you really feel
Face up to the fact, that you are who you are
And nothing could change that belief
Just be, just be

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
And I'm this far
It's inside me
I need...

To just be.
To just be.

Just be.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

last night's dream

i had a strange dream last night.

my dream was about my neighbour and once-upon-a-time friend, actually more about his mother. a few months ago i had a bit of a tiff with him, over some money he owed me. it wasn't much of a deal anyway, but i was rather sore over the fact that he had kept reassuring me for months that he'll pay me later, till one fine day he said that he just wasn't gonna pay me my money at all. still, it wouldn't have been all that bad if his mom hadn't stepped in and ruled that her son was right (without even listening to me - and i don't know what propaganda my 'friend' had been feeding her). she was downright rude about it, and called me some pretty interesting things, things that i'm pretty sure i'm not, even by a huge stretch of imagination.

ever since i've kept out of that guy and his mom's way. i pay my entire internet bill too, but that's much better since i don't have to share it now...so basically things haven't been cool between me and that guy or his mother, for the past few months.

now for the dream:

im my dream, i met that guy's mom on my way home, and she remarked that she hardly ever sees me around the place these days. i replied that i've been keeping out of their way ever since the internet connection issue, especially after the things she called me.

her reply was: "i was just joking!!!"

end of dream.

strange, no??? anyway, i've decided that if something's big enough in my subconscious for me to dream about it, it's probably an issue worth considering and dealing with.

so there it is: i've now decided my friend and his mom were just joking.

Friday, May 04, 2007

closer now

wonderful trance number with lyrics that struck me as nothing short of poetic :)


Closer Now
by Filo and Peri feat. Fisher


Am I wrong to want you near?
A bit of heaven with you beside me.
I see your face in the eyes of the sky.
But you are farther than far tonight.

Am I wrong to feel this way?
Watching my tears fall down in the darkness.
Until you see them all from a distance.
And will you come to me and make them go away?

A little closer now, is where you need to be.
A little closer now.
Am I wrong to want you near?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

self help instructions

get rid of emotional baggage:

  1. give up all hopes of getting back with miss d

  2. stop treating/thinking of aforementioned miss d any differently from all my other friends

  3. stop agonising over my current lack of a love life

  4. get on with my work

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

a big shout out for mitul!!!

my friend and classmate mitul, has made it to the *top* position on www.midomi.com with his own composition, "Tu Hi Mera Dil"!!!

way to go man...i always knew you rocked!!!

another feather in his cap is that it's the only hindi song in the top charts right now. now that's definitely something!

Don't believe me? listen to Tu Hi Mera Dil for yourself!

half a year

it's been exactly half a year since shruti and I took the biggest step of our lives. the memories are still as fresh as ever. but scratc...