Wednesday, April 06, 2016

floundering

my life was never really lived by the rules, and though organizing and prioritizing has worked well for me whenever i've resorted to it, those occasions have been few and far between, usually marked by desperation. i have always taken pride in my ability to take every day as it comes, without much forethought, and usually, without much afterthought either. things seem to always fall into place, sometimes quite obviously, and at other times by strange quirks of fate.

the last few months have been chaotic. besides some external factors, i've made some choices that i've now gotten so used to, that it's become hard to randomly sift things around. and the result of those choices are that my social and intellectual life has kinda gone for a toss. my blog is pretty much forgotten (not abandoned!). i've stopped reading. and much as i hate it, i'm overly dependent on whatsapp and facebook to keep in touch with the people who matter.

i want to change, but there is only so much room for leverage now. and time is slipping by. the longer i stay in this chaos, the further i get from my previously (relatively) balanced life.

and there are going to be more changes coming up. drastic ones. changes that will literally shake up everything.

if living by the day has brought me here, i wonder if it is no longer as suitable for my life as it was before. but life does not wait for me as i mull, consider and reconsider.

and so, maybe out of desperation, it's time for the biggest philosophical change of my life. i must say, i never imagined this coming.

let's hope this is fun!