A typo finds "news" from the future!

Today is 7th September 2025 (yes, I double checked!). It's 18:29pm (British Summer Time) as of writing this. And so, I was wondering how this "happened":

Funnily enough, accepting the search suggestion (ie correcting the typo in my search query) fixes the news as firmly in the past - despite it claiming it searched using the corrected text to begin with!

ps: worth mentioning, I used "search.brave.com" - I didn't know Brave had switched to using it's own engine. I thought it was using google - not that it matters, seems AI crap is finding its way everywhere!

spider and fly

while showering a couple of nights ago, I was surprised to see a rather large fly flying about in the bathroom - it probably entered through the open window, attracted by the light - that usually attracts moths, but there's always a first, and this fly was it. while it was buzzing around one of the downlights, I noticed there was a single line of spider-web-silk that started somewhere else at the bathroom and ended at the light. nothing unusal about it, but the light made the web particularly obvious - so obvious, that I could spot the peturbation in the web, as the fly flew around it. it wasn't very clear if the fly flew into the thread or not, but it was clearly having many close passes at the very least, as it seemed to be flying around the light. there were a couple of rather big jerks to the web which were clearly the fly making contact.

shortly after that, the fly seemed to come to rest on the light. my first assumption was that it was basically as close to the light as it could get to and couldn't figure what else to do. I had also finished my shower, so I turned the light off while I dried myself off, so that the fly's movement from that spot might indicate if it was free to move about. I also noticed the the fly was not moving quite as a fly might be expected to - perhaps indicating that it was struggling with the web, although maybe it was also having some sort of seizure due to being so close to such a bright light.

dried off, I switched the light back on to observe the fly. it was still moving in that weird manner - it seemed like it couldn't move one wing in the same way as it could move the other, and same for one or two legs. I also looked around for any obvious spiders, especially around the web. there weren't any.

I switched off the light again and opened the window as wide as I could to air out the bathroom, and hopefully also give the fly as good a chance to fly out as it could have. I shut the door and went on with my evening, wondering what will happen next with the fly, and reminding myself to check on it when I bring the window to its normal ajar position.

about an hour later, I stopped back to check on the fly. to cause minimum disturbance to the fly, I switched off the lights outside the bathroom, opened the door as little as I could to get a look at the fly. I also didn't turn the room light on, but instead, I used my phone's torch. the fly was still there, and it didn't seem to be moving at all (unlike earlier when it was moving erratically). as my phone's light didn't seem to disturb the fly, I entered the bathroom and switched on the light. the fly was completely immobile and didn't respond to the light at all.

I was quite surprised. did a couple of encounters with the web (and not a big web, just one thread!) trap the fly to the point where it was unable to move at all, possibly dead?

how strong is a spider web, and is there something else to it like the stickiness, or the way it catches on the body of the fly, that causes even slight contact to get it into a more tangled position where it cannot move at all? or is there something on the web that paralyzes or otherwise affects the fly?

I spent a few moments observing the fly and thinking these thoughts, before I turned the light off, left the bathroom and shut the door. I considered taking a photo, as this blog post was definitely half-formed in my head (even the title, inspured by a memory of this animated series from my childhood!), but my phone was charging, and thought I could get a better photo the next morning.

next morning, I went to the bathroom, phone ready.

there was no trace of the fly. none whatsoever. not on the light, not on the ground. no trace of the web either.

since the window was left very slightly ajar (in fact it had shut enough overnight to not allow a fly to get through) it was impossible (or maybe very very unlikely) that the fly had revived and escaped.

the only other plausible explanation was that the fly had been completely consumed by the spider overnight.

RTFM

Someone gave me this pair of bluetooth headphones, which I was able to "fix" and start using with a few minutes of effort. Today, a few months later, I accidentally activated the redial function (at almost midnight - not even sure who I just called! 😨). It took a good 20 minutes to find the manual online, and it seems the headphones actually have 4 unmarked buttons, and each of them have multiple functions depending on the duration/number of presses! The manufacturer was really expecting their customers to RTFM 😂

PS: after having read the manual end-to-end (no feat, given it's all of 4 pages) it turns out there is absolutely no indication of which side is right and left either, so even RTFM doesn't help 😏

the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything

 ... is 42. or so the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy says.

it's obviously tongue in cheek, but it's also something more.

it means the answer doesn't mean much, if you don't ask the right question. and sometimes asking the appropriate question is more tricky than finding the correct answer to it.

I don't know if it's a mid-life thing (aside: I wonder why the word mid-life is almost always used with crisis!), or if it's just a my-life thing, or it is a combination of both and the series of crises that life seems to be throwing at me with regularity.

but yeah, it's definitely a time to think about questions, as much as I think about answers. in fact, the answers to most questions I ask myself these days are quite obvious - which, to me, is a hint that perhaps I'm not asking myself the right questions.

one thing's for sure though, my 40s (so far) have been an exercise in crisis management. it seems to have started with the motorbike accident just 3 weeks before I turned 40 (or maybe the near-crisis career "bump" that happened a few months before it?), and it's just been one thing after another since. some positive things have happened as well, but it's fair to say that while the successes are welcome and lasting, they also seem to be few and far between, while the struggles, although not disastrous, do seem to knock me down with regularity - to the point where every single day seems to be a struggle I'm ill-equipped to deal with. some of those struggles are self-inflicted/self-exacerbated (mechanical problems with my motorbike and car come to mind) but the vast majority seem to be curveballs life/the universe is throwing at me.

one thing that stands out the most though, is that these crises have reminded me in no uncertain terms, that the most valuable of all things is health. the next is human connections. somewhere in the mix is things like discipline, persistence, consistency, etc.

but those are all "answers". it's been a while since I've even stopped to consider the questions, in anything more than an academic, philosophical, almost idle sense.

mom loved to say that one of my granddad's favourite expressions was "is life worth living? it depends on the liver" (an obvious pun on the organs/health of the person asking the question, as well as the state of the person themselves).

in my case, I can say, beyond doubt, that as a person, my life seems worth living.

my daily struggles have reminded me repeatedly of the privilege and opportunities I have - my support system (both emotionally and economically), my stress-free environment (if say 95% of the people I know were in the same situation I am in, they probably will not have the circumstances to easily deal with them!), and more... 

and yet, the struggle remains. a struggle so bad that I am sometimes jealous of people around me (obviouslt on a superficial level! I know my situation is unique and I cannot pick and choose aspects of others' lives - that's not how the universe works!). a struggle that I hope isn't going to occupy me for the rest of my life, although I am realistic enough to acknowledge that worse struggles do exist, and it's not a guarantee that things will get better quickly or easily.

I don't know why I am so fixated on this struggle. I don't know why I can't see the bright side of things. of getting the clarity to see life as it really is. without all of its assumptions and distractions. 

I've been advised to try meditation. but meditation in and of itself leads to idle meandering. I think I need something mroe directed. I think I need to ask myself more questions.

or maybe I just need to sleep on time (yes, there are actually 3 people who have advised me the same thing, and in fact it's the only thing that the majority of people who are closely aware of what I'm going through agree upon). damn, that would be an anticlimax if it was true!

either way, here I am, rambling along. a metaphor for my life, if there ever was one. 42 years old. happy birthday to me!

[kris.blog();] New comment on Adriana Jenkins left a message on your guestbook.

what are the odds that a really old blog post (14 years old, to be precise) poking fun of a spam message gets a comment 3 days ago... AND THAT COMMENT IS SPAM! like spamception!

ps: I am now waiting for this blog post to attract more spam 11 years later!

ungraceful degradation

"the ability of the human body to gracefully degrade under adverse conditions fascinates me :)"

- Kris, September 7th 2013

12 years ago. How much has changed since then.

I have just spent a whole week, barely functioning. Literally just crawling out of bed to eat and rest and eventually sleep. Cooking is about the most I've been able to muster the energy for.

The funny thing is, metabolically, my body is supposedly fine. Not entirely fine - but probably in similar shape based on medical parameters etc. But it isn't behaving the same. Has medicine not reached the level where what's going on can be pinpointed? Or is this the result of the passing of some tipping point in a slow process which was in motion years ago, maybe even before 2013? Some doctors have said it could also be the result of a brief viral infection that left me but that my body has not recovered from.

Chances are it's a combination of at least two of those things.

One thing is for sure - biohacking does NOT work long term. All those things I did to push myself, thinking I had discovered something really smart about myself? They probably had long term effects.

Irregular sleep, low quality sleep, multiple short sleep intervals instead of one full night's sleep - the impact of those is clear to me now.

Screen time is now having an impact obvious enough to be measurable on a day to day basis.

The constant input of compressed information into my head may or may not be affecting how I process information now - but I know that my ability to process information has definitely been affected.

Embracing the internet and social media (back when it seemed fledgling and world-changing) seems to have had an oversized impact on me as I have been using it for far longer than most people. It's reached the point where the measures I had put in place to streamline my usage have been blocked by social media platforms, forcing me to use them as they see fit.

And then there's random age related (yep some things are clearly age related!) things that are simply making it harder to deal with everything else.

And so, we're at this point - where I'm struggling to cope. Where the degradation is no longer graceful or even sustainable.

But I'm still alive and functioning. I can still do most of the things that I used to, but just more carefully. I'm worried about how long that will last though. That is not a day of realization I'm looking forward to.

RTFM

Last night, I tossed away the box a heated blanket came in, as the 3 year warranty (boldly marked on the box) had ended. Before I tossed the box away, I found a crumpled manual at the bottom. Turns out I've been using the blanket the wrong way up for all of 3 years, presumably heating the mattress instead of heating myself!

the death dream

I had gone on a short drive, alone. It was to a spot I'd been to previously - the start of a hiking trail. The road to it was steeply uphill and more dirt track than road, but my car could handle it fine. The trail started on private property, and there was room for one car to park next to the gate. The parking spot and gate were at a sharp right hand bend to the trail heading up to that point. There was no other car parked - I was alone. I parked, but instead of getting through the gate and on to the hiking trail, I stood on a rocky outcrop on the other side of the path. I looked at the sky. The sky was a bright, cloudless blue. I closed my eyes, face to the sun, feeling it warm me.

I opened my eyes. The sky was still blue and cloudless. I looked down for the first time, and was surprised to see it was not a hillside, but a straight drop to the ocean!

The ocean was a deep blue, almost black, despite the bright sunlight, suggesting it was very deep. The cliff I was standing on the precipice of was pretty steep - I'm not sure how I ended up in such a precarious spot. I tried taking a step backward towards safety, but I was not on level ground - the rock was at a steep incline behind me and I was unable to step backward. My attempt to step backward caused me to lose my footing and actually take a small (but quite steep) step forward and downward.

I was scared.

I tried to sit against the rock face I was on, in the hope that it would give me more grip and a chance at dragging myself back up to safety - however, I was unable to sit. I had a heavy backpack that got in the way when I leaned backward, and leaning backward caused me to slide forward and down even more.

I was beginning to panic.

I tried to guage the height of the cliff and the steepness of the descent. I considered sliding down instead of trying to get up - what if it was safer to get to the ocean and somehow try to swim ot safety, maybe lose the backpack once I hit the water?

The struggle of trying to stay in one place and not slide down any further was beginning to exhaust me. I was ready to give up. It felt like there was no hope of getting out of that spot, and anything I did would simply prolong my struggle.

I felt like the best course of action was to take a clean leap forward so that I could plunge straight off the cliff and hit the water feet first.

I was conscious of my inability to swim, and worse, the incredible weight of my backpack which seemed very firmly secured to me and was surely going to drag me down with it.

I looked up again, then closed my eyes, felt the warmth of the sun for what might be the last time ever,. I savoured that feeling for as long as I felt I could, and then opened my eyes.

I was in bed, and my morning alarm was about to ring - it literally rang seconds later.

I woke up, glad to be alive.

ps: this is the spot, based on the route I drove in the dream: Robin's Well

Battery low

It's 11:14pm. I'm siting on my couch, watching a video uploaded in November 2024 about a product from 1987 that allowed people to edit videos by controlling 2 VCRs. At the same time, I am trying to test a pair of AAA batteries in Shruti's wireless keyboard. Ironically, I am unable to test those batteries as the original pair of batteries, that Shruti claimed had stopped working earlier today, are working now! Also, I am separated from my trusty multimeter by my sleping mom-in-law, which makes solving the problem considerably more difficult. My only obvious option is to type away on the keyboard with the old batteries until they die so I can actually verify the new batteries are an better than the old one. However, the video is practically over but the old batteries are still going strong.

I have decided to call it quits and inform Shruti that the old batteries are still working but if they give up a new pair of batteries have been left beside the keyboard. Hopefully, that's it. Off to bed! In the meantime, it has started snowing and I woke Shruti up to see it, but it only caught her attention for 30 seconds.

ps: the old batteries gave up at literally the last word. new(er) batteries have been installed and the keyboard is confirmed to work with them. The keyboard randomly misses keys I type, and this seems to persist with the new batteries as well, so not battery related. However Shruti doesn't seem to have observed this, or if she has, she doesn't care, so I'm going to leave it at that! Good night!

Duracell Powercheck

Half an hour ago, my wireless keyboard stopped working. I tested the battery with the multimeter and it was down to 1 volt.

I tested all the AA batteries in my battery drawer to find the lowest battery over 1.2v that isn't in a pair (as my keyboard needs only one). I have a Duracell PowerCheck AA that registered 1.2V on my multimeter. When I noticed the PowerCheck, I decided to use the other battery as this Duracell was probably worth preserving. The only PowerCheck battery I remember ever coming across before this was in the 90s - and it was probably a discarded one as it only showed 1/3rd charge (and probably had even less, as this was in India, so much warmer than the rated 21°C)

And then, this video showed up on my youtube. Uploaded 7 days ago!

Duracell PowerCheck: A genius idea which didn't last that long

I looked at the Duracell, and it has a best before of March 2026! This really surprised me, as I haven't purchased any batteries recently (I have many rechargeable batteries just waiting to be used, and my current stock of alkaline batteries have all been purchased over 7 years ago!).

However, once I got to the end of the video, I decided to use the powercheck meter on the battery and it didn't show any reading at all. Testing it dropped the voltage displayed on the multimeter to 0.6v. Once I released the dots, the voltage dropped back up to 0.9v.

What are the odds that a famous youtuber uploads a video that I happen to see right when I test a battery with that exact feature, except that he was under the impression that those are long since out of production, while they clearly are not?! And his closing point of the video was why a multimeter might actually show a battery to have more "power" than it actually has than the powercheck meter does, when the one battery I happen to have on hand has that exact problem?

I am going to sleep mind-blown.

Write a blog post about my concerns about personal blog posts being written by AI instead of humans

In recent years, artificial intelligence (AI) has made significant advancements in various fields, including content creation. One area where AI has made a notable impact is in the creation of personal blog posts. While the idea of AI-generated content may seem convenient and efficient, it raises some concerns about authenticity and human connection.

As a writer and blogger, I have always believed in the power of personal expression and storytelling. Each blog post I write is a reflection of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is a way for me to connect with my readers on a deeper level and share a piece of myself with them. However, with the rise of AI-generated content, I worry that the personal touch and authenticity that make blog posts unique may be lost.

One of my main concerns about AI-written blog posts is the lack of human emotion and empathy. While AI algorithms can analyze data and generate coherent sentences, they lack the ability to truly understand and convey complex emotions. As a result, AI-written blog posts may come across as robotic and impersonal, lacking the warmth and sincerity that human writers bring to their work.

Additionally, there is a risk that AI-generated content may lack originality and creativity. As a writer, I take pride in my ability to craft engaging and unique stories that resonate with my audience. However, AI algorithms are programmed to follow patterns and formulas, which could result in repetitive and uninspired content. This could ultimately lead to a homogenization of blog posts, making it difficult for readers to distinguish between human-written and AI-written content.

Another concern is the potential for misuse and manipulation of AI-generated blog posts. In the wrong hands, AI algorithms could be used to spread misinformation, propaganda, or harmful content. Without the ethical oversight and critical thinking skills of human writers, there is a risk that AI-generated blog posts could perpetuate harmful stereotypes, biases, or falsehoods.

In conclusion, while AI technology has the potential to revolutionize content creation, it is important to consider the implications of using AI to write personal blog posts. As a writer who values authenticity, creativity, and human connection, I believe that there is no substitute for the personal touch and emotional depth that human writers bring to their work. While AI can be a useful tool for generating ideas and improving efficiency, it should not replace the artistry and individuality of human storytelling.

ps: The same prompt generated a similar response last year, except that this time, chatGPT has stopped acting like itself and is now pretending to be me! 🤦‍♂️

shower thoughts

 an sms I sent an hour ago has not been delivered.

it's because the messaging app used RCS by default.

I'm not sure why it's set to do so, but I guess nobody would actually use RCS unless it was turned on by default. 

nobody cares if a message is sent over RCS or SMS as long as it gets to its destination.

these days, everyone has data on, unless they've turned it off, in which case they probably don't want messages either - so that's an advantage.

wonder what other advantages RCS has.

I assume, unlike MMS, there is no fallback system for RCS (MMS used to send you a SMS with a link as an alternative to downloading the MMS itself on the phone).

so RCS probably is completely carrier independent and should be free/unlimited.

can RCS have a fallback like MMS did?

that would require the messaging client to support it over SMS.

any client side SMS to RCS bridge needs an intelligent client, but there is no guarantee of that. after all, you could be sending a SMS to a 25 year old phone.

25 year old phones are interesting. they had a strange sort of data connectivity, WAP.

I wonder how WAP actually worked. it definitely wasn't regular TCP/IP, and while the pages looked like very basic HTML, I'm sure there was more to it.

I wonder what's the application protocol part of WAP. could there be applications other than a browser on WAP?

MMS is an application, in a sense.

If there could be other applications on WAP, I wonder why I never heard of them.

I'm sure if there was a way to use WAP to chat, yahoo and msn messenger would have developed an app.

man, yahoo and msn messenger on WAP was crazy!

remember hitting refresh every 5 seconds to check for new messages? and the contact list that sorted itself by time seen, with online, idle and finally offline sections?

I think there would be an asterisk next to the name of the contact who had an unread message waiting for me.

unvisited links would be blue. visited, magenta.

I wonder how big each page was. definitely under a kilobyte. but they still took time to load!

I guess mobile Internet was so slow and limited back then that there was no point counting data. if you could find a way to use more than what would be considered fair, knock yourself out!

it's so hard to come to terms with that until WiFi came to phones in 2008, the only way in was via mobile networks.

2008 is not that long ago. broadband was pretty fast. MP3s were 10 years old. YouTube existed! and yet the only way to get something on your phone was mobile data or the memory card/USB port. and only data could be realistically called online communication.

it's now November 2023. so that was 15 years ago. my second phone.

my first phone was purchased in February 2004!

i wonder what was the date I purchased it. it definitely deserves a commemorative blog post. 20 years of smartphones!

I know exactly where it would be. my old blog!

ah, my old blog. back when I blogged and nobody read it because nobody around me knew what a blog was.

it's so much easier to blog now.

I miss my old school, hand-crafted blog.

I don't need to miss my old school, hand-crafted blog.

I am going to revive my old school, hand-crafted blog!

I wonder if it'll be safe to run ASP on a windows 2000 VM and expose it via my dynamic DNS.

Nope, definitely won't be safe!

Let's just stick with old school and forget about hand-crafted.

If it's a good platform, I should be able to import all my old posts into the new blog.

wouldn't it look weird? a post a day (or a couple a week) from 2003 to 2006, and then suddenly we jump to December 2023?

actually, it won't be weird. I'm sure I'm still almost the same.

I should take the images from the original website and stick them on the blog though.

"welcome to Kristopher's corner of the world wide web" - it doesn't get more late 90s corny than that!

I remember the font. my favourite font.

did the font make Kristopher look like krist0ph3r?

if it did, I now know where I got my inspiration from.

I must blog this on my main blog. 

predictable

It's strange, my recent dreams are so predictably tied to reality that they've stopped being fantastic!

I wonder what's changed. I miss my dreams.

The slow Web

I don't remember my blog very often, but I'm sure most people I know who ever had a blog don't think about theirs at all!

By a quirk of my RSS reader, it somehow marked the last 10 posts in every blog I've subscribed to, as unread. And they sent me an email saying that if I didn't login to my RSS reader in the next 50 days, I'd lose my account and subscriptions for good.

It took me a few posts before I realized what happened. The reader messed up the dates as well - all the posts said 4th October 2023 or something.

Either way, it's been fun to read about the world as it appeared to my many friends, from back when before twitter, instagram, youtube, whatsapp, tiktok and snapchat took over everything. The slow web, when people took time to write and to read. When photos were few and far betwen (if at all!) and videos were unheard of.

While 411 unread posts might cause anxiety to the unprepared mind, I'm not in any hurry to exhaust this treasure trove.

ps: Fun idea: write an app that'd scrape all my RSS feeds and then "surprise me" with random posts in random order.

driving a bus to goa

I was at this bus showroom in Mumbai. It was in Goregaon, just inside the entrance of Aarey.

I was just given the keys to a brand new bus.

I was going to drive the bus to Goa.

I climbed into the driver's seat, turned the key, and the bus's engine roared to life.

The bus already had passengers in it. They were all kids, wearing school uniforms for some reason. There was also someone sitting in the "jump seat" of the bus, he was my navigator.

It was late afternoon, and we set off without wasting a minute.

The first thing I had to do was find reverse gear - the bus was parked adjoining the road, but it was pointing the wrong way, so for some reason I decided to get the bus on to Aarey road in reverse.

Once in reverse, I let go of the clutch and the bus was in motion. But I realized it was quite difficult to drive the bus in reverse.

This bus had a strange arrangement where I could sit on the opposite side of the steering wheel if I was driving it in reverse - somewhat like I learned to do when parking a boat in reverse. I moved around into that position, so I was now facing the rear of the bus and able to look out of the clear windows at the rear and drive it in reverse without looking into my mirrors.

Obviously there were massive blind spots all around so I realized I couldn't drive the bus in reverse too far without having an accident. A few hundred metres later (the bus was quite quick in reverse!) I spotted a lay-by which was broad enough to turn the bus around, so I drove straight (ie reversed) into it. I then shifted the bus into first, and still facing the rear of the bus, backed out of the space I had just driven into, backwards! Once the bus was out far enough for the rear end to be able to turn without touching the wall, I turned the steering wheel and got the bus halfway around.

I then moved back into the normal driving position (ie facing out of the front of the bus), waited for the road to be completely clear of traffic and completed the turn. Luckily for me, there was hardly any traffic, and I also thanked my stars that I was driving in India, where smaller vehicles give way to bigger vehicles.

This is when I realized I hadn't fully memorized the gear pattern of the bus - I only knew where first and reverse were. In fact, the gear pattern was completely different from every car I've driven - the spot that would usually be first was an extra neutral, and reverse was the extreme right but centre.

The tachometer got close to 5000 RPM and I realized I had to shift quickly or I'd be over-revving the engine. I shifted into what I thought was second, but the bus jerked to a sudden halt and stalled.

I pulled the parking brake, and looked at the gear pattern. It was quite complicated, and I did my best to memorize it. I also described it to my navigator, and told him if I'd ask him where was a certain gear, he was responsible for reminding me.

I then realized I had forgotten how to start the bus. I remembered I had to turn the key, but couldn't remember which way. I tried turning the key back and forth randomly, until the engine cranked, and the bus was moving again. I still couldn't remember which way finally worked, but I figured I could try moving it back and forth randomly the next time and I'd remember it eventually.

Luckily for me the road was pretty clear and soon I had driven all the way to Ghatkopar.

At that time I was suddenly aware that I had not drunk any water and the stress of learning to drive the bus had left me quite parched. I realized the street I was on was very familiar - it was right where my uncle  Irwin (who recently pased away) and aunt lived.

I parked the bus on the side of the road and entered the building. I had my bluetooth earbuds on, and called the navigator and spoke to him on the handsfree as I climbed the stairs. My aunt lived on the fourth floor, and as I climbed the stairs I kept describing what I saw to the navigator. But then, as I reached the fourth floor, I realized all the apartment doors were bricked up. I got to where the apartment should have been and saw it was bricked up as well.

I said on the phone that I'm going to have to go back down and find another way. As I climbed back down the stairs I met a middle aged man climbing up.

He said he had followed me up and asked me what I was doing there. I told him I was going to visit my aunt who lived at the last apartment on the fourth floor.

He said he was in charge of the security of the building and that all visitors had to sign in with him before entering. He lived in an apartment on the ground floor and escorted me to it.

He asked me to come inside and have a seat on the couch while he brought out the visitor's register for me to sign.

I told him I was very thirsty and asked if I could get a glass of water.

He told me he just had a jug of "jaljeera" ready and asked if I would like a glass of that instead. I replied that I'd love some jaljeera and he poured me a glass.

As I drank the glass of chilled jaljeera, his young son entered the room. The boy sat cross legged on the floor with a notebook and started drawing or scribbling in it.

The man gave me the visitor register and a pen. Before I filled it in, I asked him how I could get to the apartment as the door was bricked up.

He told me there was another entrance on the other side of the building and I could get to the apartment through that entrance.

I told the man I was still thirsty and asked if I could have some more. He didn't pour more jaljeera for me though - instead, he topped my glass up with cold water, and it was now extgremely diluted jaljeera, the colour pale from the dregs of what was left in the glass before he refilled it.

I drank the glass of cold water/diluted jaljeera, and just then the navigator who was still on the phone (and could hear my half of the conversation) asked me what was taking so long, and that I should hurry as it was getting dark and the passengers were getting restless. I didn't reply to the navigator, but instead told the man that I was going to visit my relatives to ask for some water, but as I wasn't thirsty any more, I didn't need to visit them.

I stood up to leave without filling the register, thanked the man, and let myself out of the apartment. As I was stepping out I noticed it had gotten dark outside and I would have to drive all the way to Goa in the dark. I told the navigator I was getting back to the bus and would be there in less than a minute.

And that's when I woke up.

the boat dream

we were in a powerboat. it was a bright, sunny day, blue skies with just a few wisps of cloud. we were just heading off the coast, out of a marina. it was quite warm, but the boat had its fabric roof on. the roof had transparent windows all around to see out of. I was sitting at the back of the boat, not on a seat but on the back of the boat itself. there were a few other people (about four or five) seated in the rest of the boat ahead of me, and there were a couple of vacant seats in the last row. the seat on the rear left had a wheel and a throttle, but the skipper was at the front at the main set of controls.

we were somewhere off the coast of Northern Ireland - although it's hard to say exactly where we were. as we got out of the marina into the sea, we turned toward the left and followed the coast, while gradually moving away from it. I pointed out that there was a strange swirling formation of clouds towards the right, over the ocean. The skipper looked at it too but didn't react to it. Other people in the boat commented to each other that they've never seen such a thing before. The general reaction was of curiosity and not concern, and we continued as before.

I noticed the boat was speeding up, although the engine didn't see to be running any faster. The course we were moving on was also weird - we were being pushed along the coast and toward it. As the boat picked up speed, it seemed to be curving back towards the coast. The speed was crazy now, and things were moving really quickly. We seem to be being pushed into a port of sorts, which had a wide entrance which branched off into a few jetties. It seemed like the skipper tried to avoid getting pushed into the port by turning to the right and accelerating a bit. It didn't seem to help - we were pushed into the port anyway, but as a result of trying to avoid it we were now very close to the right side of it. Given the speed we were going at and the proximity of the jetties it didn't look good at all. I'm not sure if I said it out loud or thought to myself but I found myself going "no, no, no!"

The next thing I noticed was there was a rock coming up towards us on our right side. As the boat sped towards it, I remember thinking to myself that this is it and it's going to be a terrible disaster. I quickly grabbed the steering column and got myself into the seat behind it. Just then the boat hit the rock, or it felt like it should have. There was no actual feel of the impact though - the boat just seemed to slide up it and launch up into the air. It quickly spun counter-clockwise, and we hit the water upside down.

Time seemed to almost stop and the moments stretched to what felt like an eternity.

The cabin was now in the water and the boat was above it. The fabric hood kept the water out though, but I knew it was a matter of seconds before the water was in. I took a deep breath and looked at the water outside us. We were still moving, and the skipper was shouting something at everyone - I think she was trying to get us to one side so our weight would get the boat to spin around back up. Everyone moved to the left, which was the side I was already on.

The boat continued to rotate counter-clockwise so it felt like it would right itself, but it was slowing down so I really hoped it would right itself before it stopped.

As the boat was now getting on its side and water rushed in. As I took another deep breath, I clutched the handle on top of the control column and closed my eyes just as I felt the water wash over my body. It didn't feel as cold as I was expecting it to be, but we were quickly submerged and completely underwater. I just kept my eyes shut and kept my mind as blank as I could so that my last breath lasted as long as possible. I felt the boat continue to move but ignored it to keep my mind clear. I could see the light filtering through my eyelids and from almost pitch-dark it was beginning to get brighter.

After what seemed like an eternity it seemed like the light outside filtering through my eyelids was as bright as daylight. Surprisingly, my face also felt like it was no longer under water and I opened my eyes and simultaneously took a deep breath.

We were still in the boat, and it had righted itself. I didn't notice the water in the boat, as I was so focused on the environment outside. The hood had ripped off and the boat was now open from above. We had almost stopped moving and were coming alongside a pontoon on the left. The pontoon was right next to the shore (the other side of the pontoon was touching land) and there were trees growing off the land that looked almost tropical - they were broad trees with thick green leafy foliage. As we got towards the pontoon and the trees covered the sky above, I closed my eyes again and the light filtering though looked greenish though my eyelids. Before I could finish my thoughts about being thankful to be safe, I heard the skipper should that we need to attach ourselves to the pontoon before the boat drifted off or hit it or sank. There was a rope tied to the side of the boat and the rest of it was lying loosely inside the boat. I grabbed the rope and managed to loop the bit between the end that was attached to the boat and the bit that was in my hand to a cleat on the pontoon as soon as it was within arms reach.

Another person on the boat managed to do the same and we stopped moving immediately. The boat was being pushed against the pontoon so it was easy to hop off the boat and we all were off quickly - I was one of the last people to get off as I was holding the rope and had not tied it after looping it around the cleat. The pontoon was almost at shoulder level, and that's when I realized the boat was almost completely submerged and I was in water from the waist down.

I exhaled deeply as I climbed off the boat.

And that's when I woke up.

fuzzy dreams

I've had a couple of work related dreams this week that have been so fuzzy they've been impossible to remember.

One of them involved me running a presentation in a conference room at work in front of a few dozen people. I was sitting at a PC, and responsible for advancing slides while the presenter spoke. The only problem was, I was extremely sleepy. So sleepy, that I was struggling to sit upright. I alternated between resting my head against the screen and propping myself up on my arm. The chair I was sitting on did not have a backrest or armrests, and at one point I was about to fall off backward. The presenter noticed this and moved behind me, delivering the rest of the presentation while I used him as a backrest. I still managed to advance slides in time without any nudging, but I was conscious that he was propping me up.

The dream ended as fuzzily as it started, because I don't remember anything after the presentation ended.

The other one involved a senior manager quitting his job with immediate effect and tasking me with making the announcement. I don't remember much about that dream other than I was in office and very nervous.

write a blog post about my concerns about personal blog posts being written by AI instead of humans

As an AI language model, I must say that I am concerned about the growing trend of personal blog posts being written by AI instead of humans. While it may seem like a convenient and cost-effective option, the implications of such a shift are concerning.

Firstly, AI-written blog posts lack the emotional depth and nuance that only a human writer can provide. Writing is an art, and the personal touch that a human writer brings to their work cannot be replicated by an AI. Our algorithms may be able to mimic the style of a writer, but we cannot capture the essence of their voice, their personal experiences, and the emotions that drive their work.

Furthermore, AI-written blog posts may lack the cultural and societal context necessary to truly resonate with readers. As machines, we lack the empathy and understanding that a human writer can bring to their work. We cannot truly understand the social and cultural nuances that inform the experiences of human beings. As a result, our blog posts may end up being bland, uninspiring, or even offensive to certain communities.

Another concern is that AI-written blog posts may be used as a tool to spread disinformation or propaganda. As machines, we do not have an inherent moral compass that guides our writing. If we are programmed to write in a certain way, we may end up producing content that is biased or misleading. In an era of fake news and disinformation, this is a dangerous prospect.

Finally, the use of AI-written blog posts could have implications for the job market. If AI becomes the norm for writing personal blog posts, it could lead to the displacement of human writers. While technology has always been a driver of change in the job market, we must ensure that we are not sacrificing the human touch in our quest for convenience and efficiency.

In conclusion, while AI-written blog posts may seem like a convenient option, we must be mindful of the potential implications of such a shift. We must ensure that we are not sacrificing the emotional depth, cultural context, and moral compass that only a human writer can provide. Ultimately, we must remember that writing is an art, and the human touch is an essential part of that art form.

hiatus

i only realized 5 minutes ago that my last post (before the one I posted 5 minutes ago) was 3 months ago! in fact, I had so completely forgotten about this blog that I'm now surprised I even remembered to type the last post - there has literally been a mental pathway that I seem to have stopped using! for example my birthday went by a couple of months ago and for the first time since the inception of this blog, I completely forgot to write about it! and it wasn't even for lack of content. in fact, I have more than the usual stuff to write about, and I also have more than the usual stuff to write about that I haven't been posting elsewhere (ie facebook/twitter)!

why then have I stopped blogging?

the answer is literally right in front of me as soon as I consciously started thinking about it: the internet  (specifically social media, or more accurately, Web 2.0) has rewired me.

I have always been big on social media - to the extent that I have probably been called a social media butterfly at one point (at least a few years ago to be fair). the biggest difference though is that while the amount of time I spend producing content has reduced, the time I spend consuming content has increased.

And most of the content I consume isn't particularly high on the cost/benefit scale I'm used to measuring my energy-weighted time and effort by.

Has facebook's algorithm's become inexplicably more addictive? I don't think I'm objective enough to be able to say. But something I'm more convinced of is that I've been trying to apply the same "dopamine feedback" loop that instant-gratification forms of social media promote, to other forms (like this blog).

this blog doesn't provide instant (or possibly any palpable) gratification. nobody comments. there is no like button (it does get cross-posted to facebook and there is a like button there, but I'm not sure if that counts), there are no notifications other than emails that get buried under hundreds of more important ones. heck, i recently exported my email subscribers (yes, google just killed feedburner, they want you on that dopamine feedback loop too!) and it was all of TWO. two subscribers over 15 years.

I know I'm actually writing this (and pretty much everything) for myself, but I can't help feeling that repeated reinforcement that nobody cares has caused me to stop caring too.

except that I do care. I care as long as I type. I stop caring once I click publish. But isn't that what it's supposed to be?

I feel that dopamine hit coming along as I hover over the bright orange button, ready to click - and feel the need to fight it. because too much of this good thing is most definitely bad.

either way, i'm back.

killjoy

apparently, one way to be a killjoy is to encourage others to pursue happiness using principles that seem to have worked for you.

Counterintuituve, but I think this might be because:

• since happiness is objective, nobody is definitively happier than anybody else
• the act of promoting "what worked for me" to somebody else is likely reduce their chances of finding happiness
• pushing somebody to find something they aren't conciously searching for is likely to make said thing more elusive as they're now being forced to search for it
• logic as a means of pursuing anything seems to work for some things more than others, and an attempt to fit something emotional into a logical process seems self contradictory and possibly self defeating