you know that thing they say, that "men will be men" and suchlike? i think it's either wrong, or if i'm somehow different from all other men in committed relationships, it doesn't apply to me.
that's right, i can't bring myself to look at another woman lustfully again. and the reason is simple.
first of all, nobody is perfect. so yes, she isn't perfect either. there are things i'd like, that she isn't. there are things i want, that she doesn't (or maybe doesn't want to) give. some of those things i know others can give. but that doesn't tempt me.
because, i've had my chances. and nothing ever worked out. and i've made my peace with that, and my conclusion that nothing else will ever work.
human nature is complex. we don't fully understand the underlying correlations. maybe the combination of what i have and what i want is some sort of inherent contradiction that makes it impossible? or maybe what appeals to me is not what i really want? or maybe what i want is not what i need? or what i need is something that i don't realize yet? or maybe *i* am not compatible with what i want (yeah, i'm not as like-able as i initially appear to be, and that's not too like-able to begin with :D).
and so, i've made my peace with the has-been and could-be. they don't appeal to me anymore.
being in love is a full time occupation. if i start focusing my energy somewhere else, i certainly won't have enough left to complete this one relationship that matters the most to me.
and that is why, i vow to be faithful. because anything else would be a waste of my life.
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