Sunday, March 29, 2009

jealousy...hatred...and a bit of grave-spitting

i make friends rather easily, but i'm a lot more careful when it comes to letting them into my inner circle. and once they're in, there's no easy getting out.

with one exception.

i had a friend. a pretty good one at that. she was fun, she was nice. we hung out a little, spent a lot of time online, got to know each other pretty well.

then, something happened.

i don't know whether it would be right to blame her confusing behaviour, or my stupid reaction to it. either way, things didn't work out...over something so petty, i'm too embarrassed to admit it in public.

shortly after, we weren't friends anymore.

she met a few people through me. some of them have gone on to become her rather pally with her too. and guess what. i just noticed i'm now jealous of them. not because they're her friends, but because they can handle her behaviour while i couldn't.

i had a recent dream. in that dream i died. she came to my funeral to spit on my grave. in that dream, she was the only person on earth who hated.

maybe it's because deep down, i hate myself because of the way i treated her.


ReinaLuna said...

If the subject haunts you so much, making you feel so bad... why don't you gather some courage and try to contact her again? maybe through one of these friends in common... you could say you are sorry and maybe you try again! Who knows, she might be missing you also, but is too proud to admit, so SOMEONE will have to take the first step... =)

krist0ph3r said...

i've considered that, but unfortunately the root cause is her behaviour and my incapability to deal with it.

we've gone through this twice before i decided enough is enough the third time around. you still think i should give it a shot?

Wd said...


if making peace with her will make you love yourself a little more, no harm in trying :)

and yes, maybe you should stop interpreting your dreams!

Winnie the poohi said...

Well I would say make amends but dont be friends or close friends whatever.. but say sorry and clear ur conscience :)

Pallav said...

1. You don't need to say sorry.
2. If the girl is really your friend she won't need a sorry from you.
3. Just talk to her once simply, nothing wrong in doing that.
4. People are assholes. All of them. Me included. Don't do what anyone tells you to.

uhm..follow your heart and all.

Be well bro!


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