i make friends rather easily, but i'm a lot more careful when it comes to letting them into my inner circle. and once they're in, there's no easy getting out.
with one exception.
i had a friend. a pretty good one at that. she was fun, she was nice. we hung out a little, spent a lot of time online, got to know each other pretty well.
then, something happened.
i don't know whether it would be right to blame her confusing behaviour, or my stupid reaction to it. either way, things didn't work out...over something so petty, i'm too embarrassed to admit it in public.
shortly after, we weren't friends anymore.
she met a few people through me. some of them have gone on to become her rather pally with her too. and guess what. i just noticed i'm now jealous of them. not because they're her friends, but because they can handle her behaviour while i couldn't.
i had a recent dream. in that dream i died. she came to my funeral to spit on my grave. in that dream, she was the only person on earth who hated.
maybe it's because deep down, i hate myself because of the way i treated her.
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