the morning drill

every weekday morning, I ride my bike to borivli station, park it about 50 metres from where my office bus waits, and walk to it. the bus leaves shortly after 7:26 (it used to be 7:26 on the dot, but it's now usually 7:29), and it takes me a minimum of 4 minutes to unpark, ride the 2.5km to borivli station, and park. also, I have an incentive to be as early as possible: my favourite seat.

anyway, over the last 6 months, efforts have been on to shorten the the time I take to get ready as well. I started off taking 45 minutes (wake at 6:30), which I then reliably shortened to half an hour. this year, I had shortened it to 15 minutes if I skip something (usually breakfast and tea, but sometimes other things that I shall not specify :D). today, I actually got ready in 18 minutes without skipping anything. I guess I'll have to prove it can be done reliably before I can set it as my daily schedule. but I'm digressing:

last Friday, I probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't remember if I skipped anything or woke at 6:45, but I had left home at 7:18, and was 2 minutes early for the bus. and I also had no enthusiasm to do the 50m dash the way I usually do it (which is a flat out sprint, btw). so I walked.

halfway to the bus, the driver of a school van parked on the road waved at me. I slowed down, and he asked:

"why do you run everyday, and why are you walking today?"

I told him I need to catch a bus, which leaves at the exact same time daily, and I'm 1 minute early today.

but there is a deeper question I haven't been able to figure the answer to, yet:

why do I *need* to run for the bus everyday?

the middle-aged blog

blogs have personalities. blogs change. blogs age.

sometimes, sadly, blogs are stillborn. but the ones who make it through, will probably flourish in some sense.

a newborn personal blog is quite rough at the edges. experimenting around with features, widgets, layouts, colour schemes that change by the week. in one word, unpredictable. they're full of pent-up energy, stories, ideas. and everything seems like a good idea. the overflow of ideas can make it directionless. and in all these senses, the blog is childish. but nobody really cares too much about the personality of a young blog, because the author is probably the only reader and definitely the biggest fan.

and then there's blog youth. when the blog finds its rhythm, is lively, fun. finds its direction. explores its spaces, occasionally goes beyond, subtly altering its direction in the process. the best part of a blog's life.

but at some point, the blog becomes a victim of its own maturity. the expected standard of posts becomes exceedingly higher, and hence the quantity of posts becomes increasingly lower. barely any self-proclaimed junk can make it past the publish button. it is so set in its direction, that quirks become rare. posts get re-read, proofread, edited for style. the layout and theme is so set, it can't be changed easily. everything just works. and hence, nothing can really change.

that's where i think this blog is at, now. i don't want to reinvent it, because i'm happy with the way it is, but i realize something's missing. my posts these days are nothing i'll be embarrassed about 5 years later (i hope!). i don't think i can go back to posting jokes, crying about missing an ex, sharing my favourite songs' lyrics. because feel my blog has grown past that. my last decision to make it more lively with photos, fell flat when i didn't post a single photo after the announcement.

and now, i'm wondering where it's all headed to. more middle age? senility? death? or some misplaced attempts at acting youthful again?

maybe i should go back to stop caring about who reads what, and write for myself. make it personal again. throw away this act of political and grammatical correctness. make it more like the real life, uncut, uncensored "me".

i wonder.

office shenanigans

it's been 9 months since i joined the new office. my first few months were kinda lonely there, and the few attempts I tried at making "frandsheep" failed quite tragically.

still, my nervous attempts at being sociable and the general niceness of my office-folk ensured it wasn't a permanent situation, and i'm now quite well-settled. not like the previous place, where well over a 100 people knew me personally (yeah, 5 years is a *long* time!), but it feels like i have some real friends here, and that's what matters.

anyway, what's friends like without a few shenanigans? since we mostly hang out over (and after) lunch, the stories are mostly food related.

like this one day, when i refused to share my gulab jamun dessert. and coincidentally the veggie was something with baby potatoes.

after one slightly sweet spoonful of veggies, i realized what my friends had done: swapped the gulab jamun with a baby potato. lucky for me, i swapped them back... no damage done.

But then, the day came for revenge.

The friend who did the swap was poised with his dessert in his hand. don't remember what it was, but it was something dry and sweet.

and he was engaged in conversation, looking at whoever was sitting to one side... while i, from the other side, liberally sprinkled it with salt from the shaker.

The expression on his face after that first bite was priceless.

ps: typed in a bandra-fast from borivli, while sipping on my party pack of monk and coke. funfun!

pps: title dedicated to nickolai, who is the only person i know who uses the word "shenanigans" :)

work offer)

From: "Andrew Smith" <andrew_smith009smith@aol.com>
Date: Mar 4, 2013 2:10 AM
Subject: work offer)
To: <kris...@gmail.com>

Hello,

I'm Dr Andrew Smith, 53yrs of age, I'm a Dentist, I have been pretty successful in a handful of ventures which have involved. I'm presently working with UNICEF and other private organizations, also various welfare and community service programs.

As my assistant, your activities will be:

* Running  errands and supervision

* Taking care of my Financial activities

* Appointment schedule

* Memo

Wages is $ 500 per week.

We will start with things as soon as possible. I do have a pile up of work and a number of unattended chores which you can immediately assist me with and i hope we can meet up with the workload eventually. Permit me to use the coming week to test your efficiency and diligence towards all this, also to work out your time schedule and fit it to mine.I really need to find the perfect person for this job, I have confident in you that you can take-up the challenge and on the long run we should have a relatively sound working relationship between each other.

This is only an introductory e-mail, as time goes on we should be able to arrange a proper meeting to get things started officially when i get back from my trip because am currently in Belgium for health Summit.

So i will be here for couples of weeks, till i get back this position will be a part-time and home-based job because my new office in your local area will not be set up till i get back to the state.

I have been checking my files and I would want you to do for me is to help my clients get their monthly medication from the Pharmaceutical Company.

The funds will be in form of certified Cashier's Check, it will be sent over to you from one of my clients and I will e-mail the guidelines to you once you receive it.

FILL YOUR DETAILS BELOW FOR APPLICATION:

First Name:

Last Name:

Full Street Address (not PO BOX):

Cityy:

State:

Zip-Code:

Cel Numbr:

Home Numbr:

E--mail Address:

Ag:

spooked

i'm usually quite fearless, even when alone. i remember poking fun at my friend reshma, who apparently gets scared to enter one bedroom of her own house when the lights are out.

today was different though.

i was alone at home, sitting in the dark at my pc. a few minutes earlier, i had just made tea hot for myself (and also added a bit of vanilla essence in a random kitchen experiment, but that's another story), and placed the empty milk vessel and my mug in the sink before going back to my pc.

after a few minutes, i heard the sound of water coming from the kitchen. went there, and found the tap around half open, water flowing out of it. i knew it couldn't have been me, as i'm quite particular about these things. still, i closed it and went back.

few seconds later, i could hear water flowing again.

went to the kitchen, and the tap was wide open.

closed the tap again, this time being a little extra careful to make sure it's completely closed, and went back to my pc.

and then a few seconds later... i heard it again.

closed the tap, waited in the kitchen for a few seconds, and it held.

went back to my pc. sat there. and heard the sound of water again!

this time, i tweeted about it. and frankly, i was finally slightly spooked.

so i went to the kitchen, closed the tap as far as it would go, and not knowing what to do next, went back and tweeted some more.

this time, i was relieved. no sound of water. i was going to tweet that all's well at last (a couple of people responded to my tweet saying that it's probably nothing, etc), but decided to check again first.

and guess what. the tap was open, water flowing, but i somehow couldn't hear it from the hall. this time, a chill literally ran up my spine.

scared as i was, i decided to open the tap and keep staring at it.

turns out, the tap was rotating backwards and opening by itself. it rotated quite slowly and had to turn quite a bit before water started dripping, which kinda explains all the earlier occurrences.

relieved, i fished out my camera, and tried taking a few 30-second exposures of the tap... for science.

nothing on camera, other than motion blur on the knob of the tap, while everything else is completely sharp and still.



guess this is the first time i've ever been creeped out in my own house. just had to get it out there.

ps: i also recorded a video on my phone (probably the fist video recorded on this phone, possibly due to its embarrassingly bad quality :D) and uploaded it, making it my first ever youtube upload! ah, well. small joys.

motor(bike+boat)ing

i had a few dreams last night. most seem to have disintegrated into images/short scenes that flashback into my head, but with no interconnection. i can only distinctly remember one.

it was early evening. i was biking around the colony on my karizma. except that my colony was in the state it was around 20 years ago. a lot less buildings, and a lot more plots overgrown with mango trees. while i was riding down one street, a young lad (must be 15 or so) waved me to stop, and told me he's late, and would be grateful if i could give him a lift. since i was just riding aimlessly, i obliged. he wanted to go to borivli east, but for some reason i rode down link road. we reached this one junction, which doesn't look familiar to me now. the sky was painted with the hues of a vivid sunset (although the sun was nowhere to be seen). i took a right turn off link road, and went the wrong way down a one way street. i then took a u-turn,stopped next to a bus that was waiting at that signal, and told him i've changed my mind, and that he should take that bus instead. he thanked me, and took that bus.

and then suddenly, it was late morning (yeah, some sort of time hop in the dream, i guess). i was riding again, this time with my brother pillion. he had to reach some college in SoBo for an interview. and had exactly an hour to get there.

on the way, i told him it's very irritating that he delayed and then forced me to reach him because he was late. we were figuring the way to south bombay while riding. apparently, there were only two ways across: the sea link, or a ferry across. we decided to take the ferry. it was a really short distance of sea that had to be covered, barely 500 metres from the looks of it. the pier at the end we were at looked like the one at gorai creek (only, a lot narrower and shorter). also, both sides were overgrown with mangroves, with a small clearing near the jetty on either side. the water right next to the pier was more like sludge (i guess everything about the jetty was exactly like the one at gorai creek).

except for two differences:

the boat was *tiny*. and by tiny, i mean enough for maybe 10 people to sit, or two bikes (as opposed to the regular gorai ferry, which carries around 100 people, and sometimes even 20 bikes!).

and to get to the boat, we had to cross through floating rickshaws, bobbing in the water. seriously.

the floating rickshaws were already occupied, and i had to pass by from one side to the other, past people who were sitting inside. my bike wouldn't fit into the rickshaws, so i had to dismantle the bike, and carry it in a black coloured sack, through the rickshaws, into the ferry. i was surprised that the bag was so easy to carry.

my brother and i sat in the boat, and it sped off to the other side. the pier on the other side looked like the one i've seen at rewas (a beach near alibaug). it had a roof, and broad pillars, and the boat had to go under the roof till the actual landing point. the roof and pillars were covered with seaweed, barnacles and dried muck, as if the sea rose to cover them during high tide.

the boat stopped, we alighted, and i opened the sack to reassemble the bike. that's when i realized why it was so light: only the fairing, headlight, and front mudguard were in the sack! also, the parts looked like they were from my previous bike, the black pulsar. since the rest of the bike was forgotten on the other side, i had to make another trip across.

strangely, the boatman refused to take the boat across, claiming he had some urgent work he had to attend to. so despite my protests, he started the engine, and leapt off the boat onto the pier.

that's when i realized the boat had no controls whatsoever, other than an ignition switch. and it was currently pointed the way we came: along the pier, pointing straight at the land a few hundred feet ahead. and heading toward it at full throttle (there was no throttle to speak of, to begin with!)

in my panic, i tried leaning, to see if that affected the boat. and it did. the boat started turning away from the pier. i banked hard, and took the turn, almost like a bike leaning into a curve. and so, i was pointed back to the starting point of the ferry, on a boat that was racing at full throttle.

i leaned around, to get the feel of the boat's handling. leaned backward, and the boat surged forward even faster. it felt exhilarating!

that's when i realized, i was almost where the jetty started, zipping along at an insane speed. and i hadn't figured how to stop.

i did the only thing i hadn't tried yet: held on tight to the bow of the boat, and leaned forward as much as i could without somersaulting the boat over the front.

it worked. the boat slowed down, and it looked like i won't crash into the mangroves looming ahead after all.

that's when i woke up.

the cyclical dream

last night, I had three vaguely connected dreams. The funny thing is, each of the dreams seem to lead into each other. anyway.

part one:

i was dressed in my suit, with my brother, and we were in a train. It was late at night (post-midnight, from the feel of it). We were traveling down central railway to an unnamed distant station. We were going to my friend saket's place. saket was in a different coach in the same train. also, there was another friend of saket, who was traveling in the ladies compartment. my brother and I were near the south end of the train, while saket was near the north end. At every station, my brother and I would get off, run one compartment north, and get back in. until at one point, where we found saket's friend also on the platform, running north. We asked her what she was doing, since she was already in the ladies' compartment to begin with. before she could answer, the train started moving. She ran and jumped into the last coach, while my brother and I missed the train (since the last coach is only for ladies).

part two:

i am at saket's place, which strangely looks like my grandmom's place. my brother doesn't make an appearance in this part of the dream. it's still night. while we're making the bed, his mom (who I've never met in real life) is complaining about the number of empty wine bottles in the house. He sneakily hid an empty wine bottle under the bed when she wasn't looking. we then went to sleep... and woke up in the afternoon. We were supposed to go out somewhere for a function in the evening, and we'd have to get ready and leave quickly for, to make it in time. I decided to have my shower first. since the layout was the same as my grandmom's place, i thought i knew where the bathroom was.

except that when I opened the door, it opened onto a grassy downhill sloping lawn, which ended in a forest. and yet, right next to the door, was a shower. in the open.

There was nobody around, so i turned on the shower and put the upper half of my body under it, with my towel still around my waist.

just as I was about to take off the towel, i saw a few workers at the edge of the forest, within the trees, looking at me.

At that very moment, someone knocked on the door, from inside the house. I hurriedly turned off the shower and opened it.

It was the maid, telling me that the bathroom was next door. When I checked that door, I realized that what used to be my grandmom's toilet, was this house's bathroom-cum-toilet.

part three:

it's evening, around 8pm. i'm at am outdoor lawn, decorated like it's some sort of function. everyone around in suits and gowns. i was seated with saket and his parents, at a table that was much larger than the rest, and heaped with brightly wrapped gifts. at one corner of the table, there was a heap of pastries. saket offered me a chocolate croissant, which i had. He then offered me sugar sprinkled pretzel, which i ate half of, and then decided to walk around.

And then I bumped into another friend of mine, myron. he asked me whether I had dinner, and what i thought of the food. I told him I wasn't hungry. He asked if that was because the food was bad. I told him it wasn't, and (jokingly) said he could have my share if he wanted.

and that's my three dreams... in one.

ps: strangely, this blog post was typed over an evening, while traveling by train, wearing my suit, to my friend satej's wedding reception... and on the way back, in a cab, thanks to my friend amit and i missing the last train home :D