consensual sex

warning for linux fanboys and those easily offended by innuendo: this post may not be for you. no comments about either os will be entertained. this is my personal opinion, made a little more extreme for conversational humor purposes.

i'm sure some people love anal rape too. call me a microsoft fanboy, but i prefer consensual sex with women :D

- kris, on twitter

if you're scratching your head in confusion, here's the entire conversation taken verbatim from my twitter timeline:

b: Logging into Windows after a pretty long time.
b: (to someone else) I am so taken in with Ubuntu that Windows looks positively dowdy. Not to mention a lot less powerful
k: i never log out of windows. windows mobile that is. microsoft FTW!!! okay, i'm just trolling :P
b: (to someone else): I am using BCM4312, according to lshw. And as I am using a laptop I can't replace it. So guess have to go by the emu route, Thnks
k: windows may look dowdy, but i don't need to worry about the serial numbers of the chips on my NICs :D
b: No gain without some pain man.Especially for stuff that is gratis.
k: true, but what i dislike is the advertisement of the gain & absence of pain followed by the pulling of the rug from below your feet :D
b: Which rug?
k: the support rug. i'm bitching about linux. assumed you were talking about it when you said "No gain without some pain" :D
b: Yeah...sure sometimes it is a big pain in the butt to hunt all sorts of stuff in forums.Bit if you have time and interest its fun
k: yeah, i'm sure some people love anal rape too. call me a microsoft fanboy, but i prefer consensual sex with women :D
b: configuring linux=anal rape? using MS= consensual sex? Then my fight to fix Wifi in MS makes this consensual thing scary.
k: okay, i guess i coloured my metaphors a little too much. but are you saying that it's easier to configure wifi on linux than windows?

(my impromptu reply, which i discarded in favour of the last tweet was: "even consensual sex could get painful once in a while, no? :D")

Comedy of tragedy

Ever laughed at an accident? It's probably not something you wanna be caught doing, and it's probably gonna impact your karma score too, but some incidents just beg it.

Like today afternoon. The flyover leading to the western express highway. A truck bumped a car from behind rather badly. I rode up to them just as the car owner finished delivering his choicest curses, sat in the car and drove off. Realised something was wrong and stopped a few feet ahead. Just as the truck started moving and flattened his car's silencer into a sheet, and then stopped a couple of metres ahead.

I wish i had recorded it on video...or atleast photo. Ultimate pwnage by the truck driver!!!

candy camouflage

i just ate a candy cane for breakfast...it was the first candy cane i received last christmas (yeah, it survived over a month!!!), but identical to another cane, which i had a tryst with about a month ago:

nicky gave me this candy cane (yeah, the same one i just ate) a week before christmas, and made me promise not to eat it till christmas. since i was already busy "tasting" mom's under-progress christmas sweets, it wasn't that hard anyway. so i stashed it away in the fridge, with the warning to everyone else in the house that that candy cane is **MINE** :)

christmas day arrived. few presents (i'm not quite the gifting sort, and people tend to figure that into their gift-buying decisions after a few christmases :D), but lots of sweets. so much, that some of them had to be stashed away into the fridge because *there was no place in the kitchen*!!! well anyway, one evening i demanded sweets because i was hungry. and so mom dutifully dug into the fridge and came out with a plateful.

the first thing i went for was the candy. how thoughtful of her, i thought. she remembered the candy cane is mine, i thought.

i looked at the cane. it was white with red and green stripes, your typical candy cane. it also had a small loop on top, presumably if you wanted to hang it somewhere and give the ants a jolly good time too. after all, isn't christmas about sharing?

the loop at the top was kinda hard, but bendable. not the expected consistency of candy. figured it could be a plastic add-on to the cane. looked for the point where it was attached. couldn't find any. probably a good job. maybe an expensive candy cane (thanks nicky!!!). imported or something, no?

anyway, i decided to start with the straight end and work my way to the (possibly) plasticky loop.

tried breaking the cane in half. it was pretty hard. decided, what the hell. i'm gonna eat it anyway.

bit off an inch of the cane.

succeeded.

and then failed.

it was a fucking plastic cane!!!

lesson learned: if a candy cane doesn't break easily enough in your hand, it's not to be eaten. by you, atleast.

ps: twitter says i thought i ate an identical cane prior to the plastic one...i guess that was my imagination, because i ate it 5 minutes ago :D

Recession times

A year ago, i wouldn't have believed my eyes. This is the inorbit food court at 1:30pm, or the peak of the lunchtime rush. Makes me wonder what it looks like at 3.

the president is coming

2 hours ago, my facebook status read:

Kristopher is rolling on the floor laughing at "the president is coming" :D

comment #1 read:

too much furor, no?

guess what. i wasn't talking about mr obama. i was talking about a movie that i was watching. and it was about...mr george w bush!!! my friend on the other hand thought i was laughing at obama's swearing in, which was also happening at the same time!!!

the movie was insanely funny. it's one of those urban indian comedies, the sort that are more english than hindi, and that typically use no more than 1 largish house (in this case, the basement of the american embassy in mumbai) as a set, but still are funnier than blockbuster comedies with budgets that threaten to touch billions of ruppees. it was so funny that my friend laughed through the interval and all the way out of the theater *and* inorbit at the end. he laughed so much that he could only communicate using sign language. the rest of us tried hard to control ourselves, but didn't quite succeed either.

what cracked me up though, was what i said to a friend of mine after the movie.

the (shortened) story:

i wanted to watch this movie for a long time. didn't have anybody to watch it with. till last weekend, when @wanderblah offered to watch it with me. and then today evening, i was forced to ditch that plan, because couple of my friends actually brought an extra ticket for me without asking.

so after the movie, (let's make up a name for @wanderblah: from now on i'll call her shirley) shirley tweeted that she actually was under the impression that i was gonna ditch them to watch the movie with her one of these days.

my reply got me so cracked up that i almost walked into a bush:

@wanderblah a movie ticket in hand is worth two in the bush...no puns intended :P

i think the word bush is gonna be instant laughter medicine for the rest of this week, if not more :D

Broke glass. Pressed here. Now what?

I just can't figure how this fire alarm in raghuleela mall is supposed to work...assuming it is supposed to work, that is :D

sex always loses. damn.

i've wanted to have sex but ended up fixing someone's comp instead. i've never wanted to fix someone's comp but had sex instead.

- kris, on twitter, one late night after a lot of wine