It should be easier to create and maintain than the vast behemoths that pretend to be social media these days. I will get around to creating it soon.
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
social (and not commercial) media
It's been over 10 years in the making, but I have gone from guessing to being absolutely sure that the time has come for a new social media that is truly social and not commercial. It's an idea that's been brewing in my mind for a while. It needs to mimic human relationships: humans only speak one-one or in small groups, and sharing something involves repeating it, typically not verbatim. Human communication is typically verbal, and pictorial sharing is pretty limited. Our time and social batery is not allocated by "engagement" or other clickbaity metrics, but by the meaning we derive out of the interaction.
Tuesday, February 04, 2025
parabola
January 12, 9:30pm. I heard a thud. Rushed to find you lying on the floor. The call to 999, 20 minutes of CPR, a shot of adrenaline, a couple of jolts from the AED were all to no avail. 21 days in the ICU, begging you to open your eyes, and when your eyes finally opened, to elicit some sort of acknowledgement, were to no avail.
14 of those 21 days in, the doctor told us, behind closed doors, that the person we knew and dearly loved was no longer there.
Two days later, the doctor told us it would be unethical for them to try to keep you alive.
We found this hard to accept. How could someone say this? It sounded like reading out a death sentence to the innocent.
They took off the ventilator. They took off the feeding tube. They took off the intravenous fluid. You are now in your natural state, they said.
They replaced the array of instruments that beeped every few minutes or seconds with a clock that ticked away silently.
The clock felt ironic. The clock drove home in no uncertain terms that they were waiting for you to die. We were waiting for you to die because we were told there was nothing left for you.
Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days.
We couldn't accept this any more. Surely you were not meant to die! You were alive with no medicines, no intervention, no ventilator, no food, no water! There had to be some sort of mistake!
You were moved from the cold dark ICU to a sunny private room. You seemed better. Would they let us take you home? We didn't know if we could even ask the question and if they would find it ridiculous.
23 days after you entered the hospital, you went home. Not your home on earth though.
"This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion"
Sunday, January 12, 2025
wiggle your big toe
nothing is easy. nothing ever was. I just need to remind myself why I struggle. it's hard to remember why, when even the few sources of support seem to be working against "me".
after all, what is "me"? right now it feels like everything is a struggle against my own body, my own mind, even my own emotions. my own predisposition and limitations as a human being. the structure and fabric of human society and relationships. perhaps even my own cognitive and emotional biases.
when I take away the struggles, it almost seems like there's nothing left, other than the residue of greatness I have absorbed from the people around me. the dead, more than the living... or maybe that's another emotional bias I'm struggling with.
has it always been like this? or have I been gradually shrinking, atrophied, under the cover of my disguise?
when I look back, the only things I see that are truly me seem to be the fight. is that it? is that all?
it's hard to say. some times, it's hard to think about.
but if I don't fight, however hollow a life of fighting may seem, I'll probably lose the only bits of myself I can currently see.
it reminds me of that scene in Kill Bill, when Uma Thurman, having woken up from months or years of coma, spends what seems like an eternity trying to wiggle her big toe.
once she did that, she knew everything else was possible.
"wiggle your big toe"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
popular posts
-
another birthday. another half-expected, but still surprising, surprise. the usual suspects and the usual agenda. and yet, something differe...
-
BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbag...
-
Ever since I purchased krist0ph3r.com 7 years ago, I have been figuring what best to do with what seemed like a frivolous purchase. Having ...