deadline dreams

last monday was a daunting day: I had 3 appointments, a 9:30am one for my foot (my first physiotherapy appointment after my bunion started acting up 2 years ago), another 2:15pm one for my foot again (review with the consultant looking at my foot orthotics) and a 4pm eye checkup. given the 3 appointments were all near office, I was also going to be working from office between them. I was nervous about the day for multiple reasons: this would be the earliest I've had to wake up in a couple of months, I was planning to park the car at the location of my first appointment and cycle between there and office and the other appointments, and it also weighed on me that my therapist (back when I was still on therapy last year) said I shouldn't plan for more than one appointment a day to avoid overwhelming myself - and here I was, doing 3!

anyway, all of this weighed on me, and I tried to minimize the chances of my brain fog getting in the way of me being on time. I packed my bag - laptop, snack box, fruit (no lunch as nothing was cooked!), showered, kept my clothes all in one place including my wallet and keys, put the folding cycle in the car, checked the tyres and brakes, and finally got into bed at around midnight, an hour after I planned to.

I was so tired just from the preparation that when I got into bed I forgot the most important thing: setting my alarms! thankfully I remembered before I slept off, and set two: 8:47 to wake up, and 9am to leave (I was supposed to reach 15 minutes early for my first appointment, and 9am would get me there at 9:10, so 5 minutes to park and to accomodate rush hour traffic).

in hindsight, 8:47 was too late, but thankfully, it wasn't a problem because I woke up before my alarm.

it reminds me of what I used to do some 20+ years ago, when I was experimenting with self-hypnotism: if I would ensure the last conscious thought before going to sleep was what time I wanted to wake up, I'd wake up without an alarm! This was before I had a phone or a personal alarm (I depended on dad waking me up!), and my body clock was accurate to around 5 minutes! also, I could see the wall clock from my bed so it was easy to notice when I opened my eyes.

anyway, back to Monday. the first dream woke me up at 4:30am or so. 

the dream was about me going for an exam. it was MCA, presumably, as the professors were from there, although the assignments didn't seem computer related - they seem to be about English or something. weird. also, there was no written exam, I had to hand in my assignments and answer questions about its content - which I don't remember happening during my course!

I don't remember what caused me to wake up from that dream: it was definitely something weird that must have happened but I cannot remember it any more.

anway, back to sleep, I had the weirder dream: I was in a race. it was a motorbike race. the people I was racing against were people I know from Belfast, but I was at my hold apartment in Mumbai. My motorbike (Lisa, the ST1300!) was on the terrace of the apartment. it wasn't a race as much as a time trial: the other participants would time each other and me, and we'd finally decide the winner based on timings.

but this race was weird: the race started when I got out of bedm brushed my teeth, got dressed, wore my riding gear, etc. I was almost ready to get on my motorbike when one of my competitors asked me to get him a glass of water. I told him that's not fair, it'd add to my time. he told me he was thirsty and he had no idea where the glasses were as it was my home. and besides I wasn't ready to race yet.

I was annoyed but got him a glass of water. That's when I realized I wasn't wearing my gloves, and I couldn't start the race without my gloves! I started looking everywhere for my gloves and they were nowhere to be seen - especially where they should have been. finally, I looked outside and saw I had dropped them right beside the bike! and weirdly enough there were 3 gloves - one of them was an odd one from my old pair (identical to the new pair, only more worn out!). I put on my gloves and got ready to start the motorbike. I looked at the distance I had to ride - barely 40 feet! I thought to myself, this is such a ridiculous race - it would take 5 seconds or less to cover the distance, and took 35 or 30 minutes to get ready for it!

and then I woke up, 2 minutes before the alarm: 8:45am.

I thought to myself: what a strangely appropriate dream. I spent more than an hour preparing for my first appointment and the day, and have given myself just 13 minutes for the actual race (getting out of bed and getting ready to leave for my appointment and the rest of my busy day!). I spent all of those 2 bonus minutes thinking about my dream and how it prepared me for the day, which literally seemed like a race rolled into an exam!

strangely enough, after my first appointment, I got into the car and sat for 5 minutes, just to prepare myself to take out the folding cycle and ride oout and face the rest of the day. for some reason, during those 5 minutes, I thought to myself: I'm really not up for this.

I drove back home, parked the car, took an hour's nap, and then took my motorbike to work. and yes, I noticed the gloves were in their place before I was getting ready to leave, and heaved a sigh of relief!

lost baggage

Shruti and I were in Mumbai, and had to fly back to Belfast. However there was some sort of major airline disruption and the airline was refusing to let us take the flight. We told them we were willing to pay for an upgrade as we really had to fly back urgently, but they said an upgrade won't help as the flight itself was not operating, and neither were other airlines.

I started checking options on reddit, facebook etc, and found someone with a chartered flight (a private jet) looking for 2 passengers to come on their flight. I contacted them and they were happy to take us along. They (of their own accord) said there was plenty of room on the plane for luggage as well so they wouldn't mind an extra bag or two. So at the last minute, I purchased a cheap suitcase (it looked identical to the extra suitcase I purchased in 2017 for Ajith to take my records to the UK for me, BTW!) and filled it up with random stuff that we were not planning to initially take along. Some books and snacks, mostly. The great thing about a chartered flight is that you don't have to worry about baggage handlers tossing your bags and crushing your stuff!

We showed up at Mumbai's airport, met the guys and got to the private jet area - a new experience for us! The rest of the passengers were British, and the person flying was not a commerical pilot - he was flying his own jet, as a private pilot. He looked at our five bags and said (not sure if in jest or seriously) that we took the thing about plenty of luggage space quite seriously! I told him we had 4 suitcases packed for our original flight to begin with and packed another one after he told us. We loaded our stuff into the cargo hold of the private jet - I noticed we were the only people with suitcases. The other passengers were really travelling light, mostly just duffel bags and stuff!

I enjoyed observing preparing the jet, taxiing, and finally taking off! I was seated just behind and to the opposite of the pilot flying (for some reason he was seated on the right, shouldn't he have been on the left? guess there was another pilot seated on the left as well, since it was a long flight!). Once we were up in the clouds, I must have dozed off (no inflight entertainment, but plenty of leg room!).

The next thing I knew, I was startled as we were descending sharply! The pilot (still the guy on the right) told me there was a weird noise coming from the cargo compartment and we were losing pressure, so could I please access it (there was a hatch at the back) and have a check.

I hurried to the back and unlocked the hatch. What I saw seemed like out of a sci-fi movie: there was a weird robot (not humanoid, more like a thing with 4 mechanized "arms") in the cargo hold, armed with some sort of metal cutting tool (like an angle grinder) that was cutting a hole into the bottom of the hold! It had started at the tapered end and not got to where the suitcases and other bags were but it was probably going to get there soon.

I rushed forward and told the pilot this. He was visibly nervous and said we need to make an emergency landing. He said we'll fly low anad slow so that there's a chance we could locate our bags later if they dropped out before we landed. He found a nearby airfield and was preparing to land. I asked him where we were. He said we were in north Africa - which seemend a little out of our route but I didn't ask why at the time. He said we were lucky as our bags had dropped about 5 miles away from the airfield, so there was a good chance we could get them. We were flying low above a forested area close to the sea, and there was no sign of civilization at all.

The next thing I remembered, Shruti and I were walking inland from a beach. It was a little past sunset - not quite dark yet. There were a few more people, all looking like tourists, dressed in swimwear, walking in the same direction - probably heading inland from an evening swim. A man struck up a conversation. He asked us if we had just arrived. I said we'd just landed and were going to call it a night. I told myself I will need plenty of rest as tomorrow is going to be a long day, looking for our baggage and trying to find a way to fly back.

And that's when Shruti woke me up.

I told her I had a very weird dream about being in a plane that had to be landed in an emergency and had to go find our bags as they had fallen out along the way.

As I went back to sleep I wondered how the robot found its way into the plane, and if those duffel bags were the target of the robot - and most importantly, if there was something illegal going on! I had vague thoughts about how such a robot could be built as well. It seemed quite cool and would have been interesting to take apart, although the cutting wheel probably make it quite dangerous!

2025

2025 ended and 2026 started over 3 weeks ago. It's been quite the year - and I think I need to write up some of it "for the record" lest I lose track of it. In fact, I've been actively putting this off as it's been a year I still have mixed feelings about. But since I've already just posted my first blog for 2026, now is probably the best time to give it a go.

2025 started with me in A&E - we went for a movie on 31st december, I had intense lower abdominal pain that was gettng worse, and we had to leave the cinema and take a taxi to hospital. bringing in the year in hospital felt surreal. almost a throwback to 2007, when I "celebrated" my birthday being admitted to hospital right after lunch with family and cutting (and eating) the cake. the only difference this time is, unlike 2007, when I remember telling mom she didn't need to stay with me in hospital, and was left there alone by my choice, feeling absolutely down and in tears, I had Shruti by my side this time. I started the year grateful for the people around who supported me when I really needed it. oh and the first thing that happened to me after midnight was a rectal probe - Shruti and I laughed that it was the absolutely weirdest start to a year anyone could have had!

even though kidney stones are not dangerous, painkillers weren't doing the trick, and the year continued with two more trips to A&E, the third ending with me being admitted and the stones "taken care of" - a week into 2025 and I had another achievement to be ticked off, my first ever hospital admission in the UK and the 3rd hospitalization of my life.

a few days later, there was another shock, when Shruti's mom, who had been visiting, had a cardiac arrest that she never recovered from. it's another moment that I can never forget - having to do CPR for the first time on a person, after the half dozen or so times I've practiced on a training dummy. taking a break while the ambulance crew used the AED on her - unsuccessfully - then the adrenaline injection, still unsuccessful, then another go at the AED, and me doing CPR in between all of this. The relief when her heart restarted. the surreal experience of being in the same hospital, the same A&E, that I just got out of less than a week ago.

what followed was three weeks of ICU, having to come to terms with the possibility of her never regaining consciousness, and finally being told by the doctors it's time to pull the plug. 6 days of watching Shruti grieve by her mother who was still alive, but inching to a guaranteed death. and when the time came, organizing the wake (sort of) and the cremation. after family left, it was time to help Shruti get on with her life, while simultaneously trying to get on with mine. back to work, back to trying to deal with my chronic fatigue without the help of Shruti's family and our friends who pulled together to support us when things were really rough.

a few weeks later we travelled to India. that was another emotional whirlwind for Shruti, reopening fresh emotional wounds every time someone would ask about her mother's death, every time she had to submit a copy of the death certificate to get some more paperwork done. that month was a blur - I still don't remember much about that trip other than it involving loads of paperwork and form filling and Shruti crying every night. I convinced my mom that now was the best time to travel to Belfast, and we were able to organize things so that we could travel together.

april to september 2025 went by in a blink of an eye - it's the longest time I've spent with mom since I moved out in December 2016. It felt great to reconnect with her, but my fatigue got significantly worse during those 5 months and while she didn't say too much I'm sure it hurt her to see me struggle so badly with my health. Shruti turned 40, I turned 42, mom turned 76. I earned my day skipper at long last (literally 4 years of workong towards it!). Those 5 months were a blur of walks (which tapered off a couple of months in as my fatigue got worse), fatigue-induced-haze, and trying to work. I did start getting better towards the end of mom's visit though, and was on the upswing by the time she left in early september.

my own trip to India (second of the year!) was in early october, and by thast point I had steadily got better in terms of fatigue. it was literally the day before my flight that I had my last therapy session, and the flight to mumbai felt weird, as it was the first time in over a year that I had nobody to be accountable to for my wellness, than myself. something any adult should normally feel, but honestly given the emotional mental and physical turmoil I had been through so far in the recent past, I felt like I was a child who had just learned to walk all over again.

I think my therapist was right in deciding I was ready to face the world and my fatigue without professional assistance. I was able to function. I was able to live within my limitations and energy levels. definitely not as well as before, but I wasn't spending days in bed like I did only a few months earlier. three weeks in, I felt ready for what (to me) felt like the ultimate test of my recovery - an ambitious motorbike trip across the country to harshad's farm near kodaikanal. it was not without hiccups, but by the end of those two weeks, I had returned home with something I was really missing all this while: evidence to back my hope. evidence that things are concretely getting better, I can still do things I enjoy.

I returned to Belfast in early november, and while it wasn't smooth sailing throughout, I was able to get back into the grind of work, life and day to day stuff, and I definitely felt like things were sustainable.

come end december, we were off to Mumbai again - after a tiring day and a half of travel, we landed on Christmas eve, for the first Christmas in Mumbai since 2018 (and back then, we couldn't really enjoy it as we flew back on the 26th!). This was the first time in years that I was on leave in Mumbai without any plans, and while in hindsight it felt like I didn't do much, I think the relaxation and family time, meeting friends, a good amount of digital detox, really helped me end the year on a much better note than it started.

2025 ended with a bbq at Myron's, and 2026 started with Tony's Ros - defintiely an improvement over the previous year!

that's it for 2025. the year that was so crazy that even when it ended, I didn't want to think about how it went, what I've learned, or what I want 2026 to bring me. I'm just happy and grateful to have survived it, come through stronger, felt feelings that must be felt, and kept going through it all (even if just barely!)

for my eyes only

two occasions I missed having my dashcam on today:

the first one:

google maps taking me on a 55 minute drive through the countryside on completely unknown village roads (even crossing major roads and highways but not offering them as alternative routes) to rat-run a massive traffic jam on the highway at rush hour... I was doing 40 on many of those roads cos I was too scared to go any faster! I was cursing my luck but didn't want to stop and switch to Waze in case I lost network, because then I'd be well and truly lost... also it would have been very risky to park on those narrow roads on the chance that another city-slicker was blinkly following google maps straight into the back of my car! also the dashcam would have caught me audibly cursing... I was so glad I was alone in the car. Don't think Shruti has ever seen me scared when driving!

ps: found the route in google maps' location history. it looks like I could have easily been routed along highways instead!

the second (and more noteworthy!) one:

a fox ran across my path on the M3 exit at J1! thankfully, safely!

the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything

 ... is 42. or so the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy says.

it's obviously tongue in cheek, but it's also something more.

it means the answer doesn't mean much, if you don't ask the right question. and sometimes asking the appropriate question is more tricky than finding the correct answer to it.

I don't know if it's a mid-life thing (aside: I wonder why the word mid-life is almost always used with crisis!), or if it's just a my-life thing, or it is a combination of both and the series of crises that life seems to be throwing at me with regularity.

but yeah, it's definitely a time to think about questions, as much as I think about answers. in fact, the answers to most questions I ask myself these days are quite obvious - which, to me, is a hint that perhaps I'm not asking myself the right questions.

one thing's for sure though, my 40s (so far) have been an exercise in crisis management. it seems to have started with the motorbike accident just 3 weeks before I turned 40 (or maybe the near-crisis career "bump" that happened a few months before it?), and it's just been one thing after another since. some positive things have happened as well, but it's fair to say that while the successes are welcome and lasting, they also seem to be few and far between, while the struggles, although not disastrous, do seem to knock me down with regularity - to the point where every single day seems to be a struggle I'm ill-equipped to deal with. some of those struggles are self-inflicted/self-exacerbated (mechanical problems with my motorbike and car come to mind) but the vast majority seem to be curveballs life/the universe is throwing at me.

one thing that stands out the most though, is that these crises have reminded me in no uncertain terms, that the most valuable of all things is health. the next is human connections. somewhere in the mix is things like discipline, persistence, consistency, etc.

but those are all "answers". it's been a while since I've even stopped to consider the questions, in anything more than an academic, philosophical, almost idle sense.

mom loved to say that one of my granddad's favourite expressions was "is life worth living? it depends on the liver" (an obvious pun on the organs/health of the person asking the question, as well as the state of the person themselves).

in my case, I can say, beyond doubt, that as a person, my life seems worth living.

my daily struggles have reminded me repeatedly of the privilege and opportunities I have - my support system (both emotionally and economically), my stress-free environment (if say 95% of the people I know were in the same situation I am in, they probably will not have the circumstances to easily deal with them!), and more... 

and yet, the struggle remains. a struggle so bad that I am sometimes jealous of people around me (obviouslt on a superficial level! I know my situation is unique and I cannot pick and choose aspects of others' lives - that's not how the universe works!). a struggle that I hope isn't going to occupy me for the rest of my life, although I am realistic enough to acknowledge that worse struggles do exist, and it's not a guarantee that things will get better quickly or easily.

I don't know why I am so fixated on this struggle. I don't know why I can't see the bright side of things. of getting the clarity to see life as it really is. without all of its assumptions and distractions. 

I've been advised to try meditation. but meditation in and of itself leads to idle meandering. I think I need something mroe directed. I think I need to ask myself more questions.

or maybe I just need to sleep on time (yes, there are actually 3 people who have advised me the same thing, and in fact it's the only thing that the majority of people who are closely aware of what I'm going through agree upon). damn, that would be an anticlimax if it was true!

either way, here I am, rambling along. a metaphor for my life, if there ever was one. 42 years old. happy birthday to me!

Time

Waiting... first at the reception, then in a quiet tiny room. The "procedure" was booked for 4pm but it's now 5pm and no procedure has been started. I've been fasting since 10am, and not allowed to drink any water since 2pm. I started off feeling hungry but I'm not hungry any more - only thirsty. Desperately thirsty. But there's something I'm more desperate to do. To lie down and close my eyes. Ironically, the only thing in the room with me is a bed. But I have not been asked to occupy it yet. The bed looks more and more inviting as the seconds tick away. The seconds tick away loudly - the clock on the wall is really making its presence felt. I'm waiting for something to replace the ticks of that clock. Even silence would be fine. Silence would be great, actually.

The "procedure" took 7 minutes. The doctor said that's about as quick as it can be done.

And then, another wait. This time, in a different room, with a few patients in beds. Thankfully, I'm in a recliner chair. There is a clock, but I can't hear it ticking. There are louder sounds: something I can't see that sounds like a fan, and the beep of someone's vitals being monitored. At one point, the beep turned into a high pitched whine and the nurse asked the patient to take deep breaths. Back to beeping.

There is a TV on the wall. It's tuned to a news channel. The news is all about war.

It's interesting that even war is more bearable than that clock ticking. 

the office party

it was late one afternoon. i was in office. suddenly, the fire alarm went off. everyone made their way to the nearest fire exit. down the two flights of stairs, we were all in the lobby, about to head out the emergency exit. the lobby wasn't like my office building's lobby though: it was much later - maybe 8-10 times the size overall, and with a really high ceiling that was maybe thrice as high as my office's. it also had a completely different style - indicative of a glass fronted modern building, not the 100+ year old stone walled office building i work in.

anyway - the fire alarm turned out to be a false alarm and we were told over the PA that we could return to our respective floors. that's when I checked my pocket (front right - that's where it always is!) and realized I didn't have my access card on me, so I couldn't get back in myself. I spotted my manager Tim getting into the elevator (or actually - an elevator, because there were 3, unlike my actual office) and got into that one. it was a massive elevator - practically room sized!

I stood next to Tim, waiting for the elevator to take us to the first floor.

and that's when I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt.

a lady standing across me, wearing a business suit, seemed to notice the same thing at the very same moment.

she said "you might want to wear a shirt to work", to which I mumbled something and hurried out of the elevator, extremely embarassed. I had no idea what to do, but thankfully the lobby had emptied (presumably everyone had taken the stairs or one of the 3 massive elevators), and I had a moment to scan the seemingly bare lobby for something to save my dignity. I saw a crumpled piece of fabric in the corner. I walked over to it and picked it up. It was a discarded, dirty (but not overly dirty) grey hoodie. in fact, it looked exactly like a hoodie that's lying in my shed at home - it's what a handyman left behind after he built an awning for my motorbike in March 2022, and it's been lying in the shed ever since!

I dusted it before putting it on, and it fit, thankfully. I took the fire escape, as that was the only way back up that could be accessed without an access card. there was one access controlled door that I had to get through to enter the office though. thankfully, someone saw me through it when I knocked and let me in. my colleague Patrick. he asked me where I was and to hurry up and get into the frame.

everyone was posing for a photograph. everyone had a can of beer in their hand. I didn't want to hold everyone up so I simply posed without a drink, completely unaware of my grubby sweatshirt - I was on the sidelines as everyone was already in place for the photo, which was just as well. the angle from which the photo was being clicked was very weird - it required a lot of people in a verysmall space, so some were sitting on the desk, some squatting in front of it, and a few of us standing on either side.

the occasion was a visiting manager from one of our overseas offices, and after the photo was clicked, everyone took their seats. a lady (katie?) asked if anyone didn't have a drink and would like something. someone asked for a guinness. she said there weren't any more cans of guinness. someone said they hadn't opened their can of guinness and wouldn't mind swapping it for a can of heineken zero. I asked for a can of guinness zero, but there weren't any. I said any alcohol free beer would do - perhaps heineken zero then?

I took my can, popped it open, and took the last seat available - the one right next to the visiting manager. as we settled in, I looked around and was surprised to see, near the far end of the table - mom!

she was making some sort of hand gestures - she seemed to be suggesting she should move over and sit next to me. I realized that her moving over would be quite disruptive as she would have to squeeze past everyone on her side of the table, and then past the manager as well, and find a place to sit next to me, which was already occupied by plenty of people. and she'd have to find a seat as well, or pull one from somewhere else.

i tried to signal back with to her with my eyes and hands that she shouldn't move and simply sit there.

the manager had started speaking, and he was quite brief. somewhere in the middle I sneaked in a comment or question, and he replied with something humorous. towards the end he left it open for questions which a few of my colleagues asked, and he duly answered. once he wrapped up, he stood up and walked over to the breakout room where he made himself a coffee. everyone else got to their feet as well, and started mixing about.

mom walked over to me and asked me what i thought about the talk. i said it was nothing exceptional but definitely useful.

she asked me what prompted me to make that comment in the middle of his talk.

I told her it was simply something that came to my mind at the spur of the moment.

she asked me why I interrupted him when nobody else did.

I told her it's a fine balance of judgement about when saying something is welcome or considered an interruption. if he hadn't paused the right amount of time and I didn't have whatever came to my mind ready to say, I woudn't have said it. I told her it's something that takes years of practice and skill, and it's something that a lot of people don't seem to grasp how subtle but effective the skill is at building relationships - and also breaking relationships if done wrong.

she told me she was glad I was able to do it with such ease.

and that's when I woke up.

Murphy's law

When inserting a microSD card into the dashcam, the spring overpowered my fingernail and launched the microSD card straight into the AC vent, where it bounced right down the vent and into the innards of the AC itself. and no, setting the fan to MAX didn't blow it back out 🤦‍♂️ 😂

The physics of the situation was so improbable that I was more amused at what happened than sad that I've lost a perfect microSD card of the exact maximum capacity that my dashcam supports (32gb)!

my year in sport

when strava's "year in sport" came up, I was expecting it to be a disappointment. turns out having an ebike really helps me get out more! however, there are over 800 unaccounted for km (when I compare my strava distance to my ebike odo). wonder what those were from! probably the folding bike and sailing, cos I am quite sure I didn't do much walking/hiking, but given how far my expectations were from reality, I'm prepared to be surprised on that count too 🤔

oh and there will be another 80ish km of sailing before the year draws to a close, setting the bar even higher for next year 😁

it's crazy what I managed to achieve despite having to deal with chronic fatigue since March, that worsened to the point where I took out my ebike for the first time in 2 months last night! I think the cancer research fundraiser (400km in June) made a massive difference, but even if I deduct that from the total, it's still a gain over 2023!

anyway, this reminder from strava has come at the perfect time. I really needed this boost! off we go 🚴 ⛵ 🏃 

nightmares don't come true

It was Sunday morning. I wanted to hike up cavehill (the hill I live on the side of) with the cavehill walking club - they hike up every Sunday at 11am. I set my alarm for 10am before going to bed.

I woke up, and I was late. I considered running to the start point, but as there were less than 5 minutes for 11am I realized I wouldn't make it in time. I considered cycling to the start point, but I remembered I haven't used my cycle in over 2 weeks and it probably needs air as it tends to lose air from the rear tyre over a few weeks and I haven't filled it in at least in a month.

I decided to run up the couple of streets that lead to a shortcut that meets the path about 10 minutes ahead of the start point. Once I got to the shortcut I slowed down to a brisk walk as I didn't want to tire myself out. I got to the point where the shortcut meets the main path. I checked the path both ways, and there was nobody in sight at all. Not even a random passer-by to ask if they saw a group going up. I figured I was still behind the group and had to take another shortcut to catch up with them. This one involved cutting across a couple of fields and a hedge before getting to the main path again.

I cut through the first field and the hedge and was entering the second field, but I was getting increasingly tired. My legs were struggling to move. It got to a point where I was trying to move my legs by grabbing my thighs with my arms and pulling them forward - and it still didn't help. I stopped and stood still. I couldn't move.

I looked around. There was nobody to be seen. I wondered how long I'll be here before someone found me.

I was sweating profusely. A cold sweat.

And that's when I woke up.

It was 9:55am, Sunday morning. I dismissed my alarm and asked if anyone was driving to the start point and could give me a lift. I busied myself with other things, as I thought I had plenty of time. But time passed, and before I knew it, it was 10:45am. I would have to leave right now if I had to walk to the start point, as nobody offered me a lift. I rushed downstairs, but I realized I was hungry. I stuck some fruit in my backpack. 10:55am. I had to leave right now if I had to cycle to the start point. But I wasn't sure if the cycle had air. I went to the shed and checked - my cycle was locked up with the heavy chain inside the shed from before I went on vacation. I didn't even check the air, because I couldn't remember where I had kept the key - that chain is only used when I'm locking the cycles and going on vacation. Back in the house, I considered running up the next couple of streets and taking the shortcut.

Something stopped me. I'm not sure what. Time seemed to slow down, or maybe speed up. It was 11am, then 11:05am. If I left now, I would definitely have to take both shortcuts and jog most of the way.

I decided to take the motorbike to the parking lot halfway up instead.

I left at 11:15. Got to the parking lot at 11:25. The parking lot was so full cars were parked on the road nearby. Thankfully I was able to find a spot inside the lot that was too small for a car but big enough for the bike. Locked up my helmet and started running towards the path. When I got to the point where people usually stop for a break and to click a photo (this is the spot where there's a waterfall too), there was nobody at all. I waited a few seconds and then decided to run on ahead.

I passed a lady coming downhill and asked if she had passed a group of walkers going up, including a tall long haired man with a chihuahua (the only person I was sure would be on the walk!). She said she had passed a group of walkers, and there was a tall long haired man, but she didn't see a chihuahua. I figured it must be them anyway, and jogged on ahead.

I reached the point where the second shortcut meets the main path when I recognized two friends from the walking club.

I told them the dream I just had before I left for the walk.

It was Monday morning. I had to make myself an appointment to see the doctor during the week. The doctor's reception released all the appointments for the week at 10am on Monday morning. There are two ways to get an appointment: call up at 10am or go to the reception in person at 10am. However, going to the reception is more reliable as plenty of people tend to call and I've been waiting in queue for over half an hour only to be told all the appointments for the week have been released and I need to call again next Monday. People also queue up outside the reception, but it seems like the receptionist deals with people quicker in person than on the phone, as I've counted at least 30 people getting appointments in the queue, while the phone queue takes half an hour even if there are less than 15 in queue.

So the ideal plan was to go in person and book an appointment. That was the plan all along - I had already packed my lunch, fruit box, snack box, etc the previous night. But somehow, when going to bed, I clicked something by accident that dismissed all my alarms for Monday morning. I tried reinstating them but I wasn't sure if it would work.

Monday morning, and I had to decide if I was going to take the motorbike to work or cycle. I reminded myself that I had already walked up cavehill on Sunday, so it would probably be more prudent to take the motorbike. I was hungry though and decided I should have breakfast before I leave. Breakfast done, I left for the doctor's - after which I would head to office. However, while I was on the way, it was clear from traffic and the time on my motorbike's dashboard that I wasn't going to make it at 10am. And in fact I had to make it before 10am if I was to not be at the end of the queue!

I decided to stop and call the doctor instead.

I was passing a mall, so I decided to park there. As I got my phone out to call the doctor, I walked into the mall from the parking lot. Something was wrong with my phone though. It wasn't acting the way I expected it to. Instead of calling the doctor, it created a reminder to call the doctor. It then made the reminder to call the doctor to repeat every day at 10am. As I was trying to fix that there was a message saying that an update was going to be installed, and this would change how reminders would look (even though they would continue to work the same). I was wondering why my phone wasn't letting me call the doctor.

That's when I noticed there was actually no network in range. I walked towards the glass front of the mall and looked out as I waited for the phont to pick up a signal. I tried calling again. This time it tried to make a WhatsApp call, which obviously wouldn't work. I was so confused and frustrated with my phone and wondered why I couldn't make a simple phone call.

And that's when I woke up.

I had either slept through or dismissed my alarms in my sleep, or maybe I had not successfully reinstated them. Shruti woke me up, reminding me that I had to call the doctor. I asked her what time I should call to be at the front of the queue when they release appointments. She said I should call immediately. it was 9:35am.

I called. I was the first in the queue. I thought to myself, that's weird. If I was first in the queue, would the receptionist answer and tell me to call closer to 10am? I decided not to take a chance, and call later. Still in bed, I called at 9:45am. I was again first in the queue! This was weird. I decided to call 5 minutes later.

At 9:50am, I was still first in the queue! I wondered if the receptionist was answering the phone and asking people to call back later. Still, I decided, if I was first in the queue at 9:55, I would stay on and speak to the receptionist before calling again.

I called at 9:55am. I was 5th in the queue this time, and the wait time was barely 5 minutes! And I don't think many people showed up in person, because I got an appointment for Tuesday morning!

I messaged Shruti to say the appointment was for Tuesday morning at 10:30am, because I was still not sure if I was awake or in a dream.

I woke up half an hour later. I checked my phone for messages. It said that I messaged Shruti to say I had an appointment for Tuesday morning at 10:30am. In fact it only said "Tuesday 1030". I'm still not sure if I typed it half asleep or fully awake.

It was only on Tuesday morning, when I reached at the reception (on cycle) and saw that they did indeed have my appointment that I was sure it was not a dream.

The circle of life

Over the last three years, I've developed an attachment to the birds that frequent our garden. It all started when Nickolai and Damian gifted us a bird feeder during their visit in August 2021. It started off as just a few random birds, but now we have close to (if not more than) a hundred birds regularly visiting our feeder. They eat about 1.5 kg of bird food on most days! We regularly spot fledgling birds, having just learned how to fly, but not how to eat, sit on the garden fence while their parents feed them off our feeder. It seems that most birds have two batches of young each year: one in late spring and one in mid autumn or so. But besides the common wild birds that visit often, we also have a few rare visitors. Last year, it was two arctic terns, en route their annual migration to South Africa. This year, about a month ago, I spotted a young sparrowhawk sitting on our fence. It was so young it was smaller than an adult pigeon - in fact I was a little skeptical that it was a bird of prey, given its diminutive size.

Today, as I was making my morning cup of tea, I heard a thud. A solid thud, as if a bird had flown into the backdoor head on at full speed. I rushed to the door and saw what seemed to have caused it: a sparrowhawk, at least 4 times the size the one I had seen the last time, and a starling. The sparrowhawk was standing on the starling, and the starling was on its back, squawking and wings flapping as hard as it could. I opened the door, making as much noise as I could in the hope it'd scare the predator away. The sparrowhawk was unfazed though. It literally just took one glance at me and turned its focus back to the struggling starling. In less than a second, it was airborne, its talons firmly gripping the still alive and struggling starling as it flew away, presumably to its nest or someplace private where it'd finish the job.

I shut the door and called Shruti. I think she heard the distress in my voice because her first response was to calm me down and reassure me it wasn't my fault. 

I sat down with my cup of tea, conscious of the silence that had now engulfed the garden. There were no birds to be seen or heard. I wondered if this incident would scare the birds away for a while. But that's not what happened. 

By the time I finished my cup of tea, the birds (starlings included) were back, and back to fighting over the food in the 6 bird feeders. 

I reminded myself, it's just the circle of life. 

our first opera - Eugene Onegin

In February, on a whim, Shruti asked me if we could go for an opera performance at the recently renovated and reopened Royal Opera House in Belfast. I said yes, without much thought, despite our usual track record of plans made well in advance going awry - especially when there is money involved!

Thankfully, things did not go wrong, and the day arrived. Shruti reminded me a week before it as I had completely forgotten we had this booked in! We both decided to go to office that day, to reduce the chances of any last minute hiccups, and we were ready at the opera house at 7pm, with about half an hour to spare. This was my first time at the Royal Opera House, and it was magnificent, from the ornate ceiling and decor to the stage which seemed massive from our vantage point. It was also smaller than some of the opera houses I've seen in photos, which might have worked in our favour as I do prefer the intimacy of a smaller venue for live performances. Shruti had picked seats in the 2nd row, which I'd have personally assumed to be too close (a friend Nicole who is also an opera singer said that row 8 is the sweet spot as it puts you at eye level with the actors) but given the size of the venue it didn't hinder our experience. I'm not sure where I read about the programme being handed out for an Opera but Shruti had to go back out of the main hall to collect one, and reading it occupied me for the few minutes before the lights dimmed and the show began.

My first impression was that this was almost a sensory overload. The music was beautiful in it's own right, as were the costumes, the acting - but the crown was taken by the singing. Having never experienced this before, I didn't really have a benchmark (other than recordings online, of course), but this was so much more! Also, as I hadn't read the story in advance, I didn't really know what to expect - and the first few minutes were spent adjusting to this medium of entertainment. It's almost like I had to switch off my attention to detail, and try to take in the experience as a whole. Everything was mesmerizing. I spent most of the hour and a half of the first acts lost in a trance, almost losing sense of my own existence while I took in the scenes set before me! It was only towards the end of the first half, nearing the interval, that I was aware of the stiffness of sitting in one spot for so long. I guess the seats could have been a little more comfortable. I also might have yawned once, but that was more due to the physical exhaustion of such a long day! The interval was almost an hour and a half from the start, and I was thankful it was a good 20 minutes long - I made a beeline for the loo and then exited the building for a quick stroll and snack from the shop opposite, to prepare myself for the last couple of acts.

The second half was very dramatic, as I kinda expected, but also far shorter than the first half. That was perfect though, as the energy and build up of emotions was very intense, and I dare say the actors packed as much intensity in those last 45 minutes as the did in the first hour and a half!

When it ended, and it was time for the curtain call, I knew that this was an experience that would be hard to top. I know the first time for everything significant feels special, but in this case, it was beyond special - it was magical!

In hindsight, while I had no benchmark, it seems like I was right and also lucky - the performance was critically acclaimed and received many positive reviews online too, by who I'd assume are opera regulars. Perosnally, I was blown away by the fact that an orchestra could play for over two hours without skipping a beat (yes, I know, that's considered the stgandard of performance, but it still blows my mind!) but more so, that while the opera is in Russian, the entire cast whith a couple of exceptions, were Irish or British!

All this means one thing: this is definitely not going to be my last opera!

cycling for charity

This month, as I end up doing every summer, I embarked on a charity fundraiser. My cause this time was Cancer Research UK. The challenge is to cycle 300 miles in June (and obviously raise some money).

The last time I took up a cycling challenge, was in April 2021 when I decided to cycle 410 kilometres in a month to raise money for people displaced by climate change. I didn't even have an e-bike back then, and the office was closed for the pandemic so all my cycling had to be done in my free time. We were also in the middle of closing the purchase of our home and then moving to it, so it was a lot to balance! In fact, I'm surprised I got to 400km the first 3 weeks of that month - I was literally going to do 10km in laps of the waterworks (a circular park barely 2km from home) on the last week but that was right in the middle of packing and moving and was obviously impossible. I did set a personal record for longest ride (Belfast to Moira, 70km round trip) which I've only bested once (the around mumbai ride in November 2021, a cool 107 km!)

Anyway, back to this month. 482 km isn't that much more than 410, and it seemed somewhat achievable when I signed up - I was hoping to get the miles in after work, and given I'll have to a minimum of 6 miles (the return trip to work) thrice a week anyway, that'd be quarter of my distance already done and dusted. My strategy was to do two longish rides after work, keeping the middle day strictly a commute, and then doing one more ride over the weekend. It seemed like a decent strategy as I managed 70 miles in the first week, which put me slightly below but close enough to the target.

And then, week 2 happened. Cycling through an unknown neighbourhood after work, two boys accosted me and tried to take my cycle off me. The standoff lasted almost 15 minutes, and left me very shaken. The next day involved a ride to the police station and a few hours spent submitting my report of the incident. Since then, I have been struggling when it comes to getting out and riding. Even though I know it was an isolated incident and I have been cycling around equally if not worse neighbourhoods, in the dark, etc., I can't shake that fear of the incident recurring. After that day, I've mostly simply taken roundabout routes home, avoiding unfamiliar roads. In fact, I've even taken to doing laps of the waterworks, although I don't think I've managed 10 km.

Last weekend was the longest ride of this month, one that has actually been on my bucket list for a while, even though I wasn't sure if I was fully up for it: Belfast to Bangor (and back) by the coastal path. It was scenic, and Sunday was a beautiful day for it, even though I started at almost 3pm, which was much later than I had planned. Still, just 38 miles, so not a significant dent towards my target.

As of today, I have 6 days and 99 miles left. I really don't know how I'm going to achieve it. I'm not feeling my best to begin with, which makes it even harder. Let's see.

Anyway, while cycling is one of the goals, the other one is funraising. So if I've not lost all my readers by now, here's how you can donate:

https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/krist0ph3r

a shaky start

it seems there's always something about me and starting a new job that somehow means things go off-piste quite quickly. there was the time i got locked up in the fire escape, or the previous job where I forgot the one thing HR asked me to bring along (my passport) and had to be sent back home. this one was more eventful.

to begin with, I asked quite well in advance, what my first day would be like - where and when i should report, and to who. I also specifically asked for contact details, somewhat prescient of the drama that was about to unfold - and while everything else was replied to (after about a week!), no contact details were supplied. in fact, during my farewell evening out, my previous team asked me where's the new office, and when I told them I don't know, they asked me if I was sure I'm actually signing up for a legitimate job! coincidentally, there was a news article about the company moving to a new building a couple of streets away from where HR said I'll have to report to.

anyway - I happened to be in the area the evening before, to lead a ride, but as nobody turned up, I used the time to cycle to the building where HR told me I'll have to report. It was past 5pm, so there was nobody at the reception, and I asked a guy who was leaving the building if he knew about the company, but he worked for another one and hadn't heard of it. a peek through to the large board over the receptionist's desk showed the name of the company though - which was reassuring.

I looked for bike racks but there weren't any to be found - I had to chain my cycle to the fence while I tried to ask around for the entrance etc. luckily, the ground floor of the office building also housed a gym, and there were people there. one of the staff said there's no bike racks that he's aware of, and I'd probably be best off inquiring with the reception of the office space.

the next day, I decided to take the bus due to the dodgy bike rack situation, and turned up at 9:20, so 10 minutes early. the receptionist let me in, and told me to take the elevator when I pointed at the company I named on the board behind him. The elevator stopped at a floor which had literally a 10 + 10 foot L shaped passage, one conference room to one side, and a fire escape at the other end. The conference room was big enough for about 6 people. there was literally nobody about so I wondered if the room was the office space, and obviously nobody was in because I was 10 minutes early! It did seem very weird though, as there was no computer equiment or any hint that it was being used as an office space - just an oval table with 6 chairs around it.

thankfully, I heard some (loud, excited) voices from the other side of the fire escape door, so I opened it and had a peek. there were two guys and a girl. it was a bit of a strange sight, as one of the guys was trying to pick up the girl (literally - he had his arms around her from behind and was leaning backward to get the most leverage) while she and the other guy were squealing excitedly. they were caught as off guard as I was, when nervously I asked them if they worked for the company. they didn't, and helpfully told me they were literally just clearing out that company's space as they had vacated it a month ago! they directed me to the main reception, on the next floor, who told me the company had just moved,  and told me where - just two streets away, and in fact could be seen from there! she also gave me the mobile number of someone who worked there, and wished all the best for my first day!

the guy who answered the phone confirmed that they had indeed just moved two streets away, and told me someone would come to received me at the entrance.

the rest of the day was uneventful, but I did inquire about bike racks and was told we have access to bike racks at a nearby building owned by the same landlord. I was given a form I had to fill to get access to the racks, and I left after submitting it. I left the laptop, headset etc in a locker as I didn't have a bag to take it home.

the next day, I cycled to work. I had to make a stop on the way to pick up medicines, which delayed me a fair bit, but eventually made it to office. chained the bike nearby, and tried to use my access card to get in. the reader flashed a weird colour (blue, red) instead of the expected green. a few tries later though, it did flash green after flashing the other colours, and the door unlocked.

I pressed the button for the elevator, which bore a sign saying "authorized users only - do not use without a valid access card". the elevator seemed to be having issues the previous day, as it was incorrectly programmed to let us in on the wrong floor - so we had to first swipe the access card and go to the 2nd floor, and then swipe again and go to 1st. not today though. swiping the access card and pressing any combination of floor did not work. nor did the exit/door open button. after some time and attempts, all the lights in the elevator went into some sort of power save mode - there was just a very dim glow of some sort of emergency lighting, and the only button brightly lit was the alarm button!

I gave some serious thought to pressing the alarm button, but suddenly the elevator seemed to recover  by itself, the lights were back on, and the exit button opened the doors. I was so relieved I didn't even check if my access card now worked, as I didn't want to get locked in the elevator again!

I got out of the elevator, and breathed a sigh of relief. today was getting to be quite the adventure, already competing with the incidents of 29th May 2012!

I took the stairs to the 1st floor, but nobody was able to see me through the locked fire escape door. I tried knocking it and nobody answered either. I called the same guy I called yesterday, and explained the situation. I told him I was at the fire escape door. He said he'd come let me in. I waited for what seemed like a minute, but nobody opened the door. I was quite sure that was the only fire escape door, and that they only other door to the office area was the elevator. I took the stairs back down to the lobby, and waited there instead. he eventually turned up and let me in through the elevator - his access card worked, so it was just mine!

eventually someone explained that my access card had been deactivated last night - triggered by my application for it to be activated for the bike racks! these things happen, I guess. I was going to get a new access card in a couple of hours. back to work.

that's when I realized I had locked the laptop in the locker, but had not carried the key! the key was on the keychain I used yesterday, while the one I had with me today had the cycle keys but not the locker key!

thankfully my only teammate was not in yet, so I dropped him a message and left back home. I asked the guy who let me in, how I'd get in without my access card, and he showed me how the intercom system at the entrance worked. in fact, he was the one who had let me in as the intercom buzzed after an unsuccessful swipe of my access card - and that's the precise moment I swiped my card, and it flashed green as he let me in. hah!

anyway, cycled back home, collected the key, cycled back to office, got in through the intercom, unlocked the locker with my laptop, and I was finally able to get started with work after two hours of drama. what an adventure!

The rest of the day was uneventful - I was showed the bike racks too, my access card worked everywhere and all, so yay!

working from home was not as eventful - the laptop worked without any fuss, although I didn't bother setting up my home screens until almost 5pm - I was just not in the mood to fiddle with wires today. my skype also stopped working on my phone, but that turned out to be a microsoft outage, as the helpdesk guy's phone was affected too - much to his surprise. fun times!

leaving las vegas

yesterday was my last day at my job. I've only worked 3 full-time, corporate jobs in my whole life, and this is the first one that I quit just to change employers - for all the preceding ones, it was something else.

conventional wisdom says you shouldn't be emotionally attached to an employer. but in this case, I was - for personal reasons. if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have been in Belfast. unlike Shruti, who had to build her friend circle the hard way, I was surrounded by friendly, welcoming people at work from day one.

and so, changing jobs because I wanted to change employers is a strange feeling. specifically, it was not to change my work. I loved what I was doing. I even loved the people I was working with. It was all the other things. the pay, the policies. the fact that something someone did to me a while ago could have a long term impact on my prospects despite my best efforts. the fact that the management couldn't do anything to set right what seemed to me to be an obvious wrong.

anyway. enough about the past. it's time to look forward to the future! this is the first time an employer actually provided me coaching to help me succeed at my new job. it was supposed to be an hour but we covered so much in half an hour, that that was all I needed. i feel armed!

I planned to have a week off between jobs because I wanted to do a motorbike trip to clear my head before I start. Unfortunately, the motorbike trip seems unlikely - "Lisa" has been out of action for three weeks - she literally died getting out of the garden and into the driveway with an electrical fault that the mechanic has been unable to diagnose yet. My to-do list is never ending though, and though the initial plan was to take my time between jobs as "me time" and keep the to-do list for "business as usual" time, fate seems to have conspired to do the opposite. Time to mow the lawn!

As I cycled to work yesterday, Sheryl Crow's "leaving las vegas" happened to play. This line struck me:

"Such a muddy line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do"

Sailing from Charni Road to Portpatrick

I woke up at 7am and headed to Carrickfergus. It was a gloomy morning, and only two other people had arrived - the rest were on their way. We were going to leave for Portpatrick between 11am and noon, so I was very early. I took the train. Shruti, Kevin and Brenna joined me on the train as we headed to South Bombay. We got off the train at Charni Road (although from the layout of the platforms and bridges it seemed more like Mahalaxmi). I wanted to use the toilet. Shruti and I looked for it. We could only find the one marked Ladies but not the one marked Gents. We arked around and was eventually led to the station master's office. There were a bunch of people inside, a few sitting around a table, having some sort of meeting, while the rest were in a queue. It was a queue for the toilet!

Thr toilet and the station master/meeting room were in one big room, with nothing to separate them - the toilet was a commode surrounded by filing cabinets and files and stacks of paper other things you'd expect to see in a station master's office. I didn't really pay attention to the queue ahead of me and before I realized it, it was my turn. There was nobody queued up after me, and I was thankful. I would have really liked some privacy but the best I could get was the fact that there was nobody in the room other than Shruti, and the bunch of men having a meeting in the other half of the room - the men were bent over something on the desk and discussing it animatedly, so Iwas quite sure they wouldn't pay me any attention.

Right after I sat on the commode, I started feeling very weird. I felt dizzy and unstable. I asked Shruti to come closer and hold my hand, as I felt I was about to faint and fall off the commode and make a mess. She held my left hand and asked me what happened and if I'm OK. I told her I'll need a minute but I feel better already.

In the meantime, a lady walked in, wearing a white nurse's uniform, including a nurse's cap.

I somehow assumed she was in charge of keeping the toilet clean, and complained to her, while still seated on it, that it was not. She replied that it's not her fault it's not clean, as I'm the one currently using it. I told her it wasn't clean before I used it, and in fact I almost fainted as it was so dirty. She refused to believe me until Shruti backed me up.

Job done and I was back on the platform. We took the bridge on to the road. We were trying to get to the beach, but I took the wrong bridge out and we had to walk along the road, and take another bridge to get on to the beach. Kevin and Brenna were waiting at the end of the bridge, and I told them they should come sailing too. At that point, a group of about 3 or 4 older people (one of whom resembled my school science teacher) told me it was too late to go sailing - it was already noon! Also, we were at Charni Road, and the boat left from Carrickfergus!

I wondered why Hugh didn't call me when he was leaving - I thought about it a bit and realized he may have not left yet, but I definitely wouldn't make it, so I should message him instead and tell him that I couldn't make it. I also told everyone that we weren't sailing today as it had gotten too late.

And that's when I woke up. It was 8am. I had dismissed my 7:40am alarm in my sleep. If I didn't leave at 8:30am, I'd have been late to get to Carrickfergus to go sailing! I thought to myself, damn - that was really close! If I didn't wake up when I did, I'd have actually missed sailing that day!

ps: Turns out I had not read my email and we were actually supposed to get to Carrickfergus at 10am instead of the usual 9am. Still!

The anniversary adventure

23rd December marked 7 years since we got married. I still remember some of that day very well, although given the amount of photographs, facebook statuses and other digital evidence I have of the day, it's hard to separate what I remember organically from what I remember digitally. It's true though that the statuses and photos and videos and whatnot are linked to feelings, feelings I can still feel inside me from that eventful day. And I guess one of the overwhelming feelings I have from that day was of adventure!

My life 7 years ago was definitely crazier and more unpredictable than what it is now, and while I remember the feelings and even feel the motivation to do the same things, it's almost like something's holding me back. It's like, every time I sit at my couch and look at my motorbike parked outside my front door, I think, I could just go for a spin in the middle of the night? Only difference is, there's no crazy friends to meet for tea at 1am, no all-night chai and bun-maska stalls, the waterfront feels boring, and I should really be going to bed.

Anyway.

On the 23rd, I sneaked out of the house to buy mutton from St George Market. I thought Shruti was still asleep and wouldn't notice. Turns out she did. Does that count as adventure? When was the last time I tried to sneak out of the house without telling Shruti? Must be years!

We then changed and headed out for lunch at the "Dirty Duck", a rather nice (and award-winning, it turns out!) restaurant at Holywood. I didn't really do any research at all, Shruti had done the reservation, and I was thankful I had stuck on navigation before we set off, because I wouldn't had found it - I had no idea Holywood had such a nice seafront, much less that the dirty duck was situated right off it!

Lunch was great, and we were so stuffed we decided to walk around before heading back. We walked to the high street, stopped at Cafe Nero for a coffee, and walked around the town centre and back to where we parked the bike. Wore our helmets, gloves, and was about to set off when I had an "oh no" second: I had popped the keys to the ignition into the locked fairing pocket!

I tried jimmying the lock open with our house keys (yes, thankfully we carried a spare set, there have been plenty of times we didn't because I have one set on the bike keys - in fact evern today, Shruti grabbed the spare set as we were getting out the door, "just in case"!), to no avail. Someone was unlocking their car in front of us, and we asked them if they had a screwdriver. Strangely enough, they said they didn't, but they checked the boot and found a first aid kit, which had a pair of scissors - that didn't work either. In the meantime, Shruti called the nearest locksmith (a half an hour's walk, but still in Holywood) but there was no answer. I then called the next nearest locksmith, but he said they don't do emergency callouts and asked us to call the locksmith we had just called.

After one last call to the nearby locksmith, we decided to head home and fetch the duplicate key instead. Luckily for us, we were just a 5 minute walk from the train station (we had just walked past it), and the next train was due in another 15 minutes. We booked a single ticket for Shruti and a return for myself. Back in Belfast, the quicket means of transport was actually the bus, so we took the bus home - again, a single ticket for Shruti and a day pass for me. Back home, I picked up the powerbank and charging cable, headphones, a bottle of water, and headed back out to catch the same bus that had just dropped us home, headed back the other way. Ran to the station, and caught the next train with just 4 minutes to spare! I was glad the timing worked out perfectly, and also that the key opened the lock, despite my attempts at forcing it open with a scissors!

Given the sort of thing that just happened, I was super cautious as I put the keys away and got ready to start the bike, conscious that all 3 sets of keys were now on me, and there was no plan b!

On the way home, I did stop for groceries, and also picked up a drill machine from Jay before finally getting home around 9pm - 4 hours after I locked the keys in the bike.

The rest of our anniversary was fairly mundane, sitting around with Shruti, watching youtube and talking about stuff - enough adventure for today!

It may feel strange, but less than a downer, I felt it was actually nice to have a bit of adventure on our anniversary. We had a good time, but we also took the rough with the smooth, and all's well that ends well. Which kinda sums up our relationship too.

Happy anniversary to us!

crash and burn

it was tuesday. i rode my motorbike to work, because i had cycled to work on monday, and felt two days in a row would be too much to handle. and monday was a lot of cycling, as not only did I have an eye checkup after work (all clear, yay!), but also did grocery shopping, and at a store that wasn't exactly on the most efficient route home.

so yes, it was tuesday. i was a little low on energy. a friend who volunteers with citizen sea reminded me of today's meetup after work, at bangor, which I had completely forgotten about. If I had remembered it in advance, I'd have definitely planned my day better. but anyway, since I had ridden the motorbike to work, I could make it - so I told her I would be there.

as I got through the day I felt like I wasn't as high on energy as I'd have liked to be and decided it's better I head home after work instead. I wasnted to sleep early that night, so I made myself a decaf at my desk instead of my usual 3:30pm capuccino from the cafeteria. for some reason, I simply didn't enjoy the decaf - I literally was nursing it till 6pm when I chucked it into the sink and decided to go home. as I packed my stuff into my motorbike, I decided to take my office laptop home, as I was planning to finish converting my rig to work with the office laptop (I had just ordered a USB C to HDMI adaptor so I could use both screens with the laptop). I also thought to myself, I'm better off putting everything into the topbox as I planned to park the bike in the shed, from where it's hard to access the panniers.

It had been raining all day, but it had stopped by the time I left office. I called shruti and asked if there's anything we needed. she said nope (when I got home, it turns out she forgot we needed milk), so I took the direct route home, the shortest way. at one of the junctions, I usually decide whether to go straight or take a left, depending on which traffic light is green. today, the one for the left was green, so I took that one. a couple of minutes later, I was at a junction. The traffic lights were all unlit. It seems they were not working.

There were two cars ahead of me. The furthest car literally waited a few minutes before finally getting a chance to get through the junction. I remember waiting behind, engine running, for what seemed like an eternity.

I remember thinking to myself: if I had gone traight I'd have been home by now!

My next thought was: if it's so hard to get through this junction, I could just turn around and take the other one.

I don't know what stopped me from doing that. I was in no hurry to get home, that was just an idle thought, and maybe that first car got through the junction before I could change my mind? I don't know.

Anyway, next thing, I was at the junction, ready to take that right turn.

After waiting for what again seemed like forever, maybe even letting a gap in the traffic go because I was overly cautious and other vehicles seemed to be speeding, I finally saw a gap in traffic in both directions and started taking the turn real slow.

The rest is a blur.

It's crazy, what being rear-ended by a heavy car when you're taking a turn on a motorbike feels like. Nothing ever prepared me for that feeling. I felt the bike being pushed forward from under me, and none of it made sense. I don't know what I did - did I brake? Did I pull in the clutch? I'm sure I didn't have the chance to straighten the handlebars. I don't really know what happened before I found myself on the road, bike on its side, thankfully the tip-over bars ensured I didn't get pinned down, and the absolutely low speed involved meant I wasn't dragged or anything. It was so slow that I didn't even check myself for injuries before I got to my feet. But the force of the impact was enough to move the bike a fair distance - it probably slid on the left pannier and the tip over bar.

The bike looked bad, but the ignition was still on, and the engine was possibly still running (the pan european has a bank angle sensor that is supposed to cut off the engine when tipped over, and I know it worked because I have dropped it once when parking!), but either way I got to it and turned off the key to ensure there was no chance of a fire or anything in case fuel had spilled.

The driver of the car asked if I was OK, and I said I felt OK. I took off my helmet and set it on the sidewalk as I gathered my wits. A couple of passers-by tried to get the bike up but were unable to - I helped them get it up and on the stand. A cheeky boy of maybe 10 asked if the bike would be rideable again. I replied, probably not. The men who helped me get the bike on the stand said we should try to get it off the road as it was obstructing traffic. I turned the key in the ignition, and cranked the start switch. It didn't start on the first or second try, and there was a very faint smell of fuel. I turned it off, gave it a few seconds, and turned it back on again. This time, it did start and we got the bike on the footpath. One of the guys told me he was happy to be a witness for the insurance and police if required. He had taken a photo of the number plate of the car. He couldn't figure how to save my number on his phone, but finally figured it out with some help. He texted me and I got it. He offered me a lift home but I said that's fine. He picked up a few bits from the road, and asked me if any of this would be of any use. The only useful part I found was the left mirror cover (which contains the turn signal).

I sat on the footpath for a minute and tried to gather my thoughts.

I really don't know if I did. I definitely don't remember anything.

It was probably around that point that I realized my jeans had ripped and it felt like my right butt was open to the world. I checked it with my hand, and thankfully my undies hadn't ripped.

One thing I did realize that putting the laptop and my backpack in the topbox instead of the panniers saved them from most of the impact - the topbox didn't have a scratch on it.

And at that time all the decisions I made today started to replay in my head. What if I had headed to Bangor instead? Or taken that other junction? Or turned around instead of waiting? Or worst of all, what if I cycled to work?

I visualized being rear-ended by the same land rover on my bicycle instead (I take that same route home on my bicycle on days when I don't do groceries - it has the second gentlest incline compared to the other routes, and is shorter than the gentlest incline). I definitely would have been much worse off on the cycle. I wondered if I'd have died if it happened when I was on the cycle. But I reasoned to myself, that if it was such a long wait, I'd have taken to riding on the footpath instead.

I also remembered the near-miss I had the previous week when an elderly car driver almost crashed into me becasue he did not give way when I was already on the roundabout. It didn't strike me then, but thinking back now, that was my previous journey on the motorbike!

By then the police arrived, they radioed the station in, filled a report, took some photos and my details, I passed on the details of the other driver and car, and asked if I needed A&E. I said I feel OK, and I think I can make an attempt to ride home. They were OK with that. They also noticed the traffic chaos and turned their attention to directing traffic because it looked like another accident might happen any moment.

After a few minutes, I got back on the bike, and the police directed me to rejoin traffic. I rode home really slowly, and I was conscious of a car following me at a greater than usual distance, probably because they could see the amount of mangled plastic and bits dangling off the bike.

The bike seemed to ride prettty OK, and when I was at the last traffic light from home, I called Shruti from my helmet intercom and told her I met an accident, but I'm fine, and am almost home now.

I arrived home without further event. My neighbour (not the next door one I talk to often, but the one few houses up) even saw the bike and didn't react. Maybe because he saw the right side of the bike that didn't have as much damage as the left.

As I took the key out of the ignition and hopped off, Shruti opened the door and came out to see me, the bike and help me take my stuff in.

I don't remember much of the rest of the evening, other than I was still in so much shock that I actually forgot the key in the topbox! I saw it when I was leaving for the doctor the next morning! I guess nobody would steal a crashed bike anyway, so it wasn't that bad.

I don't know if I've blogged my previous accidents, but one thing's for sure - they're as fresh in my mind as if they happened yesterday. Every crash I've walked away from has left me grateful that I've got off without any permanent physical damage, and lived to ride another day.

I don't know if I should ride again. The wrist fracture (it's a chipped bone and not a fracture-fracture, as per the xray) should heal uneventfully, but still.

The feeling of being rear-ended on a motorbike without any inkling of anything about to happen is very hard to get over.

mega-island? no, gigha island!

this post is a little late, but better late than never!

cut back to may 2021: travel within the UK was beginning to open up, and we had the May bank holiday, with no particular plans.

by a random coincidence, one of the sailing groups had a post about the only restaurant reopening on an island. and that the food was amazing.

i put the name of the island into google. it showed a 250 mile ride and two ferries. and that the island was just 7 miles long and wild campers were welcome.

and so, we packed our tent and sleeping bags and headed off.

the ferry to scotland was packed. in fact, it had the most motorbikes we've ever seen on the ferry - there was literally no room in the bike parking area in the bottom deck of the ferry! we wondered if everyone had the same idea we did. but once we rode off on the other side, the rush started thinning almost immediately. by the time we got to loch lomond, our breath had already been taken away by the mesmerizing scottish countryside.

we were somehow cutting it close though: even though I estimated 3 and a half hours of buffer, google maps started doing its usual and acted up: it decided the best route involved us taking ANOTHER ferry, and by the time we realized we were on the wrong highway, we were already half an hour off course. our lunch ate into a good chunk of our buffer (shruti insisted supermarket sandwiches wouldn't cut it), and once we were back on the correct route we had to deal with a lot of urban traffic, followed by countryside highways which were being repaired.

by around 2:30pm, google maps showed our ETA was 5:50pm, and the last ferry to gigha was at 6pm.

some crazy riding ensued (i did not break any speed limits, although i certainly was tempted!). we made it 5 minutes faster than the google maps ETA - literally just enough time to pee at the public toilets at the ferry terminal as we watched the boat dock and people disembark.

luckily for us, the ferry was relatively empty (just one campervan, one car and us) - and we were soon across on this lovely island!

we quickly got our bearings on the island, asked around, and set off in search of a suitable spot to pitch our tent. both extremes of the island (north and south) had all the prime camping spots taken up, and the one decent-ish spot had a big group of campers who already seemed quite loud and tipsy, so we decided to look more carefully elsewhere.

our spot was perfect: slightly behind a mound, so not very obvious, not in a fenced-off field, so fair game - and with a lovely view of the ocean!

parking vicki in the mud was a nervous experience, but we managed to prop up the stand from sinking on the mud with rocks. the tent was also on a bit of an incline, but it was manageable.

we rode back to the restaurant, barely 10 minutes before their last order, and were not disappopinted. absolutely fresh seafood, eaten facing a little sandy cove, with lots of happy people at nearby tables. we also had the weird experience of a rather tipsy lady giving us hug when we said we're from india, to the embarassment of her companion. yes, that was my first hug with someone other than shruti since march 2020. strange!

The next day was basically our only day to explore the island, and after a good night's sleep and coffee/breakfast, we were ready to explore this hidden gem!

Our first stop was the only shop on the island - and since it was Sunday, and there was a TV serial being shot on the ialsnd, and the shop was one of the shooting locations, it was open for precisely one hour: 11am to noon. We joined the queue, purchased the few snacks we needed for the day, and then purchased our takeaway lunch, which was also locally caught seafood. 

we rode to and then walked through "Ardmore gardens" to find a sunny spot for our lunch. I'd have never imagined steamed mussels in a takeaway box with a wooden fork (which eventually gave way and I had to use my hands 😂) could compete (and win) against all the fine-dining experiences i've had!

And the biggest surprise awaited us: there was a stately peacock roaming the garden!

After lunch, we climbed to the highest point of the island, which wasn't really that high, but had quite a view!

We then found a nice beach, and I took a quick dip after a few sips of cider - perfect for the almost-blazing sun!

We walked as far along the shore as we could, and it was close to 6pm when we decided to head back to the only restaurant on the island.

That's when a bit of a nasty surprise awaited us: the restaurant was completely sold out. They said they had no food to serve. Like, absolutely nothing. Plenty of alcohol, but no food. The kitchen was open for another 3 hours, but every single item of food in stock had been ordered. Luckily, we had purchased stuff for Monday's breakfast, and decided to have it for dinner instead. we still had a bit of sunlight left though, so we cut across sheep-dotted fields to get to another of the high points of the island, home to the windmills that power it.

Back in our tent, we settled in for the night, and after an early start, we packed up and were ready to bid farewell to the island! this time, we didn't take any chances with time, and were on the 10am ferry which gave us another hour on our return journey than we had on our way here. the decision served us well, and we had plenty of time, even to squeeze a couple of scenic breaks on the way back. the weather was great, and just being near the sea all day was everything we could ask for.

Probably the best way to spend a long weekend this corner of the UK!