anyway, here it is (thanks to EWTN)
- After this Jesus revealed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tibe'ri-as; and he revealed himself in this way.
- Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathan'a-el of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zeb'edee, and two others of his disciples were together.
- Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We will go with you." They went out and got into the boat; but that night they caught nothing.
- Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the beach; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus.
- Jesus said to them, "Children, have you any fish?" They answered him, "No."
- He said to them, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, for the quantity of fish.
- That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his clothes, for he was stripped for work, and sprang into the sea.
- But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.
- When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish lying on it, and bread.
- Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish that you have just caught."
- So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three of them; and although there were so many, the net was not torn.
- Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." Now none of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.
- Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and so with the fish.
- This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead.
- When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs."
- A second time he said to him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep."
- He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" And he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep.
- Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go."
- (This he said to show by what death he was to glorify God.) And after this he said to him, "Follow me."
anyway, i've read this before, but then there's this one line that struck me today: verse 6 says "cast it on the right side and you shall find some". something that could have been taken quite literally, after all, jesus probably knew where the fish were, or he could've summoned them there right then. but what struck me was what had been happening before: the apostles had been fishing all night had hadn't caught a single fish. that struck me as the exact same situation as what i'm in right now.
i've been casting my net in vain for a long time now. there was a time when i thought i was happy, but that happiness wasn't sustainable - and then it stopped sustaining itself. i now realise that i wasn't quite fishing right. i'm sure the apostles had cast their nets on the right side of their boat many times before that night. the difference was that, the last time around they weren't just trying their luck - they were doing what jesus told them to do.
maybe that's what i've been missing all along. i've been doing the right things all along (ok...definitely not *all* the right things...and a lot of not-so-right things too), but i've always been doing them for myself. i guess that's what i've gotta change now. it's not gonna be easy, just like any other change, and especially one as profound as this one. i'm gonna give it a shot anyway. wish me luck - or better still, pray for me :)
ps: while you're at it, please pray for daf too...her exams start in a few hours :)