we got married

I know, the announcement is almost two months late. blame that on the awesomeness of the honeymoon and married life.

but yes, it happened. the planning and anticipation that built up over the better part of 2016, culminated in a crazy 36 hour marathon of awesomeness.

and at the end of it, two people emerged as one.

getting married was awesome. to me, it felt like that was the day nothing could go wrong. we were the king and queen of our universe. and when we went home together for the first time, our respective worlds joined into one. we were no longer lovers who met when we could - we were one shared existence, that branched apart only when we had to.

the run-up to the big day was crazy. no matter how carefully I tried to eliminate stress and loose ends, it was inevitable. at one point I found myself wishing I could fast forward to life after marriage. but I'm glad wishes were not horses... because we would have missed one of the most beautiful days of our lives.

and we have realized that the pre-wedding craziness was only a prelude to post-wedding craziness. yes, it only gets crazier and crazier, until you forget what single life was like, and start concentrating on more pressing matters like getting enough sleep, being nutritiously well fed, and basically not flaking out.

and so, here we are, happily married, without even the slightest doubt that despite its unsolved problems, life ahead is better than the life we left behind. looking back fondly at the day that marks our metamorphosis.

we got married. it was beautiful.

imperfectly perfect

two weeks from now, the big day will be upon us. we have gone through the gamut of emotions, from eager anticipation, to nervousness, to exhaustion. there have been moments when we've questioned what we are doing, what we want to do. there have been moments when we've realized we have been overconfident about things we shouldn't have taken for granted. plans have been made and waylaid.

today morning, unlike the last few days, I woke up with a sense of peace. it was like the feeling of seeing the sun when the clouds part after a thunderstorm.

I woke up with the feeling that whatever happens, happens for the best. that I've been sweating the small things so much that I've lost sight the big things. that it doesn't matter if I choose pork vindaloo or pork sorpatel for the menu. or if shruti and i can't jive (we still can't, yet!). or if my tie doesn't perfectly match my shirt. or any number of other things.

life has never been perfect. we are far from perfect. how can our wedding be perfect?

maybe perfection isn't absolute. maybe, just as I regard my life so far to have been perfect in the sense that I don't want to change anything about my past, the next two weeks, the big day(s) - yes, there's two of them - and life after that will also be perfect in hindsight.

maybe imperfection is perfect.

avenging: the avenger

(forgotten in my drafts from mid December - better late than never!)

my bike's been giving trouble lately. she's spent the better part of the month parked at the garage, getting the equivalent of a heart transplant: new crankshaft, connecting rods, bushings, piston, block, timing chain, tensioner, clutch plates, and all variety of minor paraphernalia. so, while I waited it out patiently for fate and my mechanic to give me some relief, I've been living off public transport and the generosity of my friends who have lent me their rides whenever they could.

the last few days were with ajith's avenger. his was the bike I was the most excited about borrowing, as it was one of the options i considered long ago (when I was looking for the next bike after my pulsar, before I decided on the karizma). back then, I rejected it as I was sick of bajaj's quirks: some touches of bad design, and a reputation for bad longevity of the engine.

after a pretty successful run with the karizma, I've been thinking about my next bike. and i decided to approach the avenger with an open mind: it's been 4 years, and bajaj has done intresting things with the pulsar platform, so i figured getting my legs around it should give me the feel of things.

before I mounted it, I was nervous. after all, I had to ride it from powai to bandra in the peak of rush hour traffic, and i had an impatient lady waiting for me at the end of it. and yes, she was already done with her stuff and was killing time until I arrived. my main concern was the position of the foot pegs... would I be able to handle switching to feet on the ground from feet on the pedals quickly enough?

once on the road though, I was quite reassured. it was possible to get my shoe caught on the gear lever or get my ankle on the silencer when switching, but with enough care it wasn't a problem.

the riding position had its pros and cons: it seemed more relaxed, and having mirrors and other cars' headlights at eye level meant that I had a good all round view. the low seat made me almost feel like I was in a go-kart, and that made me feel like I was going a lot faster than I was. the engine was nice and smooth. the gears were so unlike the karizma that it almost felt like my foot was doing its job by itself and I was riding an automatic! the gear lever was too long though, so I ended up using it as a toe shifter only. old habits die hard, I guess. I reached my destination comfortably and without incident, and on the way home, my lady was also happy to ride pillion.

the next morning, riding to work without much traffic, I had a chance to explore the handling better. and that's when I was truly worried. the bike brakes scarily. it skids on light braking on tar roads in a straight line... at 60. on curves, anything less than a perfect surface is scary at best. that would have been a deal breaker, but I got a second opinion from a die hard avenger fan, who said the same thing: the avenger brakes and handles terribly. his "technique" was to ride slowly and use engine braking. lol.

anyway, I still had a couple of days more to go, and one important errand: transporting a rather heavy bit of luggage across town. the avenger handled that perfectly, with my fully loaded rynox (64L) saddle bags, a packed 90L backpack, and a pillion. the seat is roomy, so it doesn't feel cramped even with the huge backpack and the pillion. full points there. but I realized during the 3 hour ride that the seating position actually puts your weight on a weird part of your butt. I didn't have any aches at the end, but it did get rather uncomfortable.

so, in short: comfort, uncheck. safely, uncheck. ergonomics, check. load carrying capabilities, check.

my next bike? uncheck.

The Pale Blue Dot

(guest post by Shruti: she has now revived her own blog too: http://shrutidiaries.blogspot.in/)

Life ha a funny way of reminding you where your stand in the whole scheme of things. Thanks to the latest announcement on demonetization, i suddenly feel stifled and restricted. Though most of my big purchases can be done on cards, I feel restricted in terms of daily commute where only cash prevails. Walking to and from home from the railway station to save every penny worth ofchutta,eating only at restaurants that accept cards, disliking people when they shamelessly ask for cash post their services; these are just some of the many daily situations I come across post 8th of November, 2016.

But this post is not about demonetization (even the American version of demonetisation restricts my freedom of self expression). This post is about how life changes in a jiffy. In one moment, you are rich and comfortable with your cash, cards and the works and the next moment you are standing in never ending queues at the ATM for somechuttas.The worst part is the restriction on these cash exchange transactions and withdrawals. Ofcourse it wont be right to say that I feel like how people would have felt during the Great Depression but I seriously do empathize with them much more.

Life has changed overnight for many people. People whose business depended solely on cash have seen atleast a 50% drop. People have stopped going out often. Patients have suffered, waiters have suffered without their tiny tips and people like me are such feeling the heat of things when someone argues in a local train either supporting or defaming this move. There is blatant restlessness palpitating among the crowd. I am worried now. Worried for humanity, for justice and most of all I think we are going to relive the era of "The Silent Generation." The happy Millennials and iGeneration will need to re-read their history books to learn a lesson or two from their ancestors.

I suddenly feel a profound sense of helplessness. I am worried for my future. Just plain worried. I cannot trust anything anymore. In one moment, a government move changes my life, in one day my aunt falls critically ill and her world turns upside down. What do we humans gloat about so much? We are helpless on so many fronts. I have cash in bank but I can hardly use it. My aunt has the power and money to get her way out of things but today she is helpless in front of what sits inside her body. We are helpless if tomorrow an airstrike (just like the one in Syria and other war stricken countries) hits Mumbai. We will be homeless and poor in the tiny speck of a moment if our house collapses or our banks go bust. Banks do not guarantee our entire money. I know I read cynical here but what can this "Pale Blue Dot" do when an asteroid welcomes its way in?

Humans are a complex mix of vulnerabilities and strengths. Spirituality teaches us that the power of the Universe is also the power within us. Science teaches us the heavy realization of how seriously we take ourselves even though we are such a tiny speck on the face of this vast Universe.

All these years growing up, I had a sense of relief that let me take care of myself and things will fall in place. I also believed that life is full of choices and it is largely our choices thatmaketh thee.But I blindly ignored the possibilities of life changing experiences through fate. Some will not agree with me on this as they believe that it is solely their deeds and words that made them who they are today. But you cannot ignore the factors of getting a good foundation as a child, living in a conflict-free positive environment. That is where fate comes in. Maybe it is theill-fateof Syrians or Palestinians or even Kashmiris to suffer in an induced poverty and see their life savings burnt down due to a choice made by few men.

I hope my bubbly optimism surfaces soon and takes over this induced cynicism. I am amazed at how deeply things affect me these days. My sensitivity is to its fore. A good outcome of this though is that I am writing much more and I feel free in doing so.

suicidal bikers

I pity the plight of drivers of 4-and-more vehicles in India. being a biker myself, I'm constantly thinking about what the drivers around me see and sense before attempting a maneuvere. small things like flashing my headlight when I'm behind a car while I move to whichever side I'm overtaking from, and anticipating if they intend to give way based on the way they brake (it's not that difficult, the human mind is quite amazing in its ability to judge velocity and acceleration!), treating drivers on the phone with extra caution to and checking their blind spots instead of assuming I can always be seen.

yesterday, I had to ride pillion with someone for a fair distance (12 km). at first I was simply unnerved by his refusal to signal turns and his tendency to not brake early when an opportunity to overtake is closed... and i was gonna politely give him a bit of advice.

but eventually I realized the problem ran deeper: he simply wasn't thinking about the other drivers and vehicles on the road. about the fact that the average rickshaw brakes can't be trusted enough for you to to cut in between and halve its braking distance without warning, or that a car driver taking a turn can't see you in the rear view while turning, so if you weren't visible before he started turning, he'd have to emergency brake when you cut in halfway through the turn. or that if a bus does an emergency brake, there's some sort of obstacle in front of it that you better not make any assumptions about.

the sort of things you can't politely advise someone to start doing.

seriously, I wonder what was occupying the part of his mind which a safe rider would use to analyze the road.

how do you politely advise someone to ride defensively?

the sculptor

yesterday, in church, the priest happened to narrate a story that reminded me of grandma.

there was a sculptor, who was working on a bronze statue. he toiled at it, day and night, and even when it looked like the sculpture was ready, he continued to polish and apply finishing touches to it. a curious passerby once asked: your sculpture looks complete, how much longer do you plan to work on it for?

the sculptor replied: I will work until my sculpture is taken from me

I remembered grandma. weeks ago, we thought she was on her deathbed. she has stopped opening her eyes, she has long since lost her sense of hearing. she just lies in bed all day, with her laboured breathing and occasional restless movement of her head and hands to remind us that she is still there. she even stopped swallowing food and drinking water for some time, but has resumed again.

she is like that sculptor.

she will not give up until her life is taken away.

such is the human spirit. to fight until the final breath. to never give up even when the end is in sight.

I visited grandma recently, again. I held her shriveled hands and stroked her sunken face. her fingers twitched and she struggled to open her eyes. I visited her to make my peace with what I thought was the end. but watching her struggle, I realized that it wasn't the end. what seems like a few days or months to us, must feel very different to her. just like the last 100 steps to everest seems like any other 100 steps to anyone else, but not to the mountaineer making her approach to the summit, drawing on every last ounce of strength.

I have honestly always believed that every moment prepares myself for the rest, but I found it hard to apply that philosophy to situations like these. I realize now, that such moments are what call for the greatest strength.

I have tears in my eyes as I think about what grandma's frail body is going through. but I remind myself that grandma's mind is not frail. she is strong, stronger than even most of us living in the prime of our youth.

and I will never tell myself that it's over. not until the last breath, when her battle is won.

when her sculpture is taken away.

getting married 101: *how* do you get married?

for the average human, getting married probably ranks near the top of the list when it comes to life-changing decisions, maybe only second to having a kid. luckily for us, we had enough time to think, figure things out, and plan. but then again, you (hopefully) only get married once, and you obviously want it to be perfect, and there's a lifetime of expectations built by relatives, friends, and even colleagues... a perfect recipe for craziness!

and so, for the benefit of everyone, here's a quick guide to getting married. it's obviously incomplete, since we aren't exactly there yet, but we're close enough now :D

here's how you go about getting married (our list, so far):

1. get yourself a partner
2. make sure it's gonna last forever
3. propose! do it however you want, it doesn't have to be crazy, but it has to be you. take plenty of photos, cos you don't want to forget this moment anytime soon ;)
4. fix the date - it's hard to fix everything else without a date, at least an approximate one!
5. broach the subject with each others' families, if you haven't done it yet - makes life a lot easier.
6. tell your friends - nothing like excited, enthusiastic friends to motivate you to get your act together!
7. budget - atleast an approximate one. don't overspend, your life after the big day is probably not going to be much fun if you're broke!
8. make a to-do list. start off with the list of someone else who recently got married, and preferable in a similar style and budget as you're planning to.
9. fix the venue. all up to you, but keep in mind the budget, your convenience and the convenience of your guests. destination weddings are beautiful and awesome, but they don't come cheap (unless your family lives at the destination :D) and can be a pain to coordinate unless you have a wedding planner at the destination.
10. get an approximate guest count. you're bound to miss out people on the first count, so don't bother getting it accurate. a ballpark will do.
11. fix the exact date, and if it's gonna be a huge affair, the number of days.
12. book the venue. a ground/hall/whatever have you. make sure it can accommodate your guests comfortably. work out a deal for photographer(s), catering, decor, and if it's a destination wedding, stay and transport.
13. send out a "save the date" (optional) - important if you have people traveling from far away, or it's a destination wedding.
14. book your leave at your workplace. factor in your honeymoon, and a few days off before the wedding.
15. plan/book your honeymoon
16. inform your entourage, let them know if they will be helping out with any of the planning, preparation, etc
17. start getting your card, electronic invitations, and website (optional) designed
18. start shopping for outfits, accessories, entourage outfits, etc. if you're getting them tailor-made, get your design etc fixed, but get the size finalized no more than two months before the wedding.
19. start figuring your stay after marriage. setting up can take a while, and you want your new place to be ready to move in right after the big day!
20. send your invites out
21. start checking the rest of your to-do! don't underestimate the small things.