what crap men yaar!

(funnily enough, I'm typing this in a farmhouse in goa)

I was walking through a lightly wooded forest with nickolai, one winter evening, enjoying the sunset through the trees. when suddenly, a bird crapped on me. and then another. and another. and another. and so on... 8 times. In quick, rapid-fire succession.

thankfully, we weren't far from nickolai's family farmhouse. we reached there after dark, the pale yellow porch light shining through the woods like a half-hearted beacon. as soon as I got home, I wanted to wash up.

Unfortunately, the house had just two bathrooms, and nickolai's mom was busy washing clothes in one of them, so I had to use the other. so I had to use the other one, which was attached to ninoshka and nickolai's bedroom. but the door of the bathroom was barricaded by a large wash-basin, which I had to remove in order to use.

ninoshka and I couldn't get ourselves to agree about the way to open the bathroom door, but we finally figured the correct way to open it was to lift up the wash-basin to detach it from the door-frame.

and that's when I woke up.

falling anywhere

i woke up with a start in the middle of last night, feeling sickish, with my heart beating wildly.

it was a dream that was to blame.

i don't remember much, but the last thing that happened was, i was walking down this huge long flight of stairs from a church. The stairs somehow seemed similar to the ones outside St. Fancis D'Assissi Church near home, but the view of the road in front of the church reminded me of Our Lady Of Immaculate Conception Church, Panaji.

anyway, while i was near the top of the stairway, far from the side railing, and walking down the stairs, the stairs suddenly became near-vertical while i was in mid-step. and i was holding my foot in mid-air, around 4 storeys above the road.

i woke up in a funk. checked twitter in the hope of calming my nerves down by distracting me, but a few seconds later, i closed my eyes to recall that final scene, and the sick feeling returned.

i could reproduce that feeling of vertigo by just closing my eyes and recalling that scene.

thankfully, i can recall it now without any vertigo. but this was the first time i've got this feeling in a dream.

ps: blog title inspired by one of my favourite tracks, "falling anywhere" by kyau vs albert.

the only rule is: there are no rules!

mumbai traffic is interesting (if you can look at it with detachment from your sense of self-preservation and sanity). it comes with chaos and madness that only years of hard-headed aggression and trust in fate will let you tolerate.

amidst all that, i always ride with one guiding principle: follow the rules, and you'll be safe.

looks like i might have to amend that.

one morning, riding to work along link road, i reached a traffic jam. the cause: a traffic cop had decided to take over a (perfectly working) signal.

i inched my way through, sneaking between cars, nudging bicycles and honking at less-aggressive bikers, until I reached the edge of the traffic jam. after a 5 minute wait, i decided to remind the cop that I was waiting, with a couple of honks.

he turned around and waved me through the intersection.

right into the path of a car he had waved through 2 seconds earlier.

thankfully, our reflexes and brakes worked, and we stopped a few inches short of each other. the cop didn't even bother to look!

a few weeks later, i was riding home along the highway. bumper-to-bumper traffic from jogeshwari to malad, as usual. and me doing my usual "disciplined" lane cutting (checking my rearview, signalling lane changes, the works). till a lane broad enough for a biggish vehicle opened up alongside.

since i was at a standstill, i decided to avoid confusion by staying in my lane until the first vehicle passed, and then tailgating along.

and i was rewarded with a nudge to my bike from behind.

turns out the next driver didn't imagine i would wait and let a vehicle pass, so he just launched his car at where i was standing.

i'm not sure what rules i should follow any more.

traction vs control

when I started biking, I was scared of skidding. of course, my bike had much better brakes back then, and I was very rear-brake heavy, so I guess that fear was for a good reason :)

as my experience on my two wheels grew, my braking habits changed, and so did my confidence in making my bike do exactly what I wanted it to. I started pushing my bike to figure out exactly what point it would skid.

as an aside, notable markers:
100 to 20 on dry tar road with new tires in about one truck length with both brakes
90 to 0 on dry paved road with slightly worn tires in about 3 truck lengths with only front brake

anyway, there are many saner points between these extremes, and those are the points I usually find myself at. points that don't have numbers to put on a graph, but valid data anyway.

and with all this in my head, I've come to grow comfortable with the telltale screeching noise of my tires reminding me they're being pushed to their limits. but the real comfort is when I realized that there a big difference between losing traction and losing control. The squeak of tires when they bounce over rough cobblestones while braking strongly but steadily, the growl of cutting through gravel with one hand resting easy on the throttle and the handle held firmly straight, and many many more such things.

and somehow, that seems to strike a chord with my life too.

There are things you can to be liberal about, without losing control of your life. you may be pushing yourself, maybe because you find yourself in a tight spot, maybe in anticipation of something riskier than the current situation if left to chance, or sometimes, just for the rush of pushing yourself.

There are times when you don't need to worry about traction at all, just about staying on course and within your limits.

and of course, the are times when losing traction means losing everything. the end of the line.

traction is nothing. what matters is control.

precarious

i love my bike. i love riding it around.

people always say bikes are dangerous. i tell them i'm careful, not just to avoid risky maneuvers, but also to avoid situations where i'd not have time or the opportunity to react to someone else doing something stupid on the road.

today, i realized how wrong i could have been proven.

i was around 2 seconds from disaster. and i wasn't even moving fast. and none of the people in the cars involved got injured either (all 3 cars took quite a beating though!)

google reader, you're messing it up!

I started reading blogs when I started using google reader.

in fact, I started blogging shortly after (and to a fair extent, because of) google reader.

it had the usual characteristics of a google product: clean, easy to use, functional, constantly getting features added, mobile-friendly, and eventually (inevitably?) popularity.

google reader was good for me for almost 5 years.

until early last month.

I now hate reader.

maybe google is trying to get more content on to google+ with this, or maybe getting people to use that "social network" a bit more, but whatever it is, they're doing it wrong.

I do NOT want the stuff I like to go someplace else.

I do NOT want the stuff I share to be on a closed social network.

I WANT to be able to read stuff my  friends share in the same place as I read my subscriptions.

I WANT my mobile experience to be as similar to my web experience (why on earth would they *remove* the like and share features from google reader mobile?)

I WANT to be able to search the stuff I've shared over the years (it's there somewhere, just that google isn't letting me get at it)

I WANT to be on a platform which I can trust will remain interoperable with open standards (mainly the ability to export my shares as a rss feed)

I could go on and on, but these are the biggest things google reader used to be, and isn't anymore.

my feed-reading experience is so crippled right now, that I don't even know how many other people have outraged over the new crippled reader, just because google+ is such a crappy platform that I can't bring myself to use it to read others' shares.

the final straw was 20 minutes ago, when in a moment of insomnia, I opened the android reader app, read one post, and then couldn't find an option to like/share it (other than the android native "share" option). seriously, what?

despite being the google loyalist that I am, I think the time has come to take my feeds elsewhere. I just hope google notices.

this is not being evil, this is simply being dumb.

Adriana Jenkins left a message on your guestbook

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? In case u dont know who this is its ME ADRIANA.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there.. do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol.. ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room... if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move.. also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo ADRIANA FREE VIP BYPASS LINK ------>> [LINK DELETED :P]

ps: this was a message sent to me on bebo.com: turns out i created an account there even before i joined orkut... and never ever used it!